4m baby screams when with his dad

[Teabagtits]

I have a 4m old Velcro baby. He’s bf so I’m with him the majority of the time. Lately whenever he’s left in the care of his dad, even if I’m sat in the same room, he screams until he gets hysterical. Proper high pitched screaming not just crying. As soon as I take him he calms right down. I tend to go to bed first and leave a bottle of ebm so his dad can feed him and maybe they can bond but it’s not working anymore (it did previously) and the baby just cries & screams without taking a break. My partner is getting distraught convinced the baby hates him and I’m getting exhausted with having to constantly hold him and do all the childcaring alone (I’m autistic and getting no wind down time) In the meantime my older child is feeling ignored as this is such a high maintenance baby.

Any advice on solving this situation that doesn’t involve leaving the baby to cry it out?

My baby is exactly the same when with his dad. OH only able to come and see us on the weekends as he's in the army, so I'm putting it down to this (him not knowing him very well) but I really don't know what to do about it either. I'm hoping the baby starts remembering faces a bit more soon but it's horrible. OH is also convinced baby hates him and it's not nice to see.

I haven't really got any advise but I do hope it gets easier for you.

Ah, the Velcro baby

It will pass. The basic difference between Mummy and Daddy is that Daddy doesn't smell or feel like Mummy.

Twee definitions aside, that's a big difference for a small baby. And really hard to take as a dad, the perceived rejection.

Stupid suggestion from me, but it worked for us: daddy wears mummy's t-shirt.

Or you put daddy's tshirts in the baby's bed. All about getting baby used to the smell of daddy.

Sorry if this is of no help x

@FastWindow that's such a good idea!
Thank you - gonna try it haha.

Dramallama - my oh is here most days and the way his shifts work out he spends maybe three or four full days with us then three or four days at work but still seeing baby in evenings. I hope it gets easier for you too!
Fastwindow - I did the tshirt thing this very evening but still I’m lying up here listening to the baby scream knowing the two of them need to sort it out and trying my hardest not to go down and take over. :(

Could it be that dreaded 4 m regression stage? If so, know that this will pass! Sorry I can’t offer any advice!

I was also going to say 4m regression! They do get fussy and crankier, my son did similar and would howl most evenings (his Dad does final feed and put down) but some nights he just wanted me and dummy!

My DD could be like that in the evenings so in the end I had to stop doing it but at 3 months I started an 8pm bedtime which meant I could either sleep or wind down once she was in bed. The mornings or early evening became her dads time with her; she loves her time with him on weekend mornings while I catch up on sleep and he no longer feels worried that she doesn’t like him.

Thanks all. He’s still screaming last thing at night. I’m lying upstairs trying to leave my oh to it but he’s getting stressed out and that makes the baby worse. There’s no telling him what to do/try so he repeats the same bloody mistakes over and over. The baby gets hysterical but I don’t see how me constantly taking over will do anything to solve the problem- despite that I’m heading off now to stop the screaming. Again.