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Original poster

Husband walked out on me and 2 children

16 replies

nics35 · 22/09/2017 14:36

Afternoon,
I'm new to this so bare with me. I've been with my husband for 14 years. We have two children 11 son and 6 daughter. I found an email 4 weeks ago he was arranging to meet another women. In the space of 4 weeks he has moved out and said goodbye to our children. He is moving in with the other woman today. I am lucky I have a lot of family support. I can't get my head round it all and don't seemed to be angry yet? Is that normal. I've been sick sad hurt but not angry. Would love to hear any advice Smile

OP posts:
PlasticPatty · 22/09/2017 14:38

Advice - keep breathing, try to eat and sleep. You'll be angry in your own time.

PlasticPatty · 22/09/2017 14:39

Have this moved to 'Relationships'. I'll report for you.

timingisabastard · 22/09/2017 14:40

I have no advice other than take each day as it comes - each hour if need me. Currently going through something similar and it is HARD.

I'm up and down with anger but mainly just devastated. Be kind to yourself in the meantime - it's a truly shitty time but you will get through this Flowers

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MyBrilliantDisguise · 22/09/2017 14:41

When you say he said "goodbye" to your children, do you mean he intended not to see them again?

Original poster
nics35 · 22/09/2017 14:52

It's just the cloud constantly. It's debilitating.
He plans to visit the children once a fortnight
I find it all very confusing how someone could cast their family aside??

OP posts:
MNHQ
LornaMumsnet · 22/09/2017 15:02

We're sending this over to relationships now, OP.

Of course, this is completely up to you and if you'd like us to move it back to parenting, please just let us know.

Flowers
Original poster
nics35 · 22/09/2017 15:50

Sorry your going through a tough time. Timing is a bastard. It's just a case of faking it till we make it Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
nics35 · 22/09/2017 15:52

Try kublher Ross on google. I found it helpful to see where I thought I was in the stages of losing someone. I feel like it is a bereavement of hopes and the old relationship

OP posts:
timingisabastard · 22/09/2017 16:19

Oh, it's definitely like a bereavement - sending you much love and positive thoughts. I've found writing has helped a little - even just emptying my thoughts out. I'll check that out online ❤️

Original poster
nics35 · 22/09/2017 16:26

Wishing you a happy future. Not easy is it? Have you got children?

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 22/09/2017 16:27

OP you will be angry in time. In the meantime, as others have said, just keep taking one day at a time, but get some legal advice. Don't let him dictate things.

So, he plans to 'visit' the children? Not at your home, he will probably expect you to be in the background providing cups of tea, snacks, lunch etc. He can pick the children up and bring them back at a pre-agreed times. This can be arranged by email. Try to see a solicitator before then.

Original poster
nics35 · 22/09/2017 16:37

Oh no we've discussed he takes them out and brings them back as planned. I'm definitely going to get some legal advice soon.

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 22/09/2017 16:39

Well done.

Original poster
nics35 · 22/09/2017 16:40

Feel like my brain won't let me really see what he's done. Probably to protect what little energy I have left. He's been gone since Monday. I'm hoping in time I will get stronger and able to deal with the situation and what affects it's had on me so I don't carry it around for the rest of my life

OP posts:
timingisabastard · 22/09/2017 20:47

@nics35 yes, and am nearly 32 weeks pregnant now. It's so bloody hard. I wanted to try and work through any issues he thought we had, he thought we would be better apart. He's taken someone else out in the meantime (whole other story).

It's really, really tough and having to be strong for the children is really tough, but you will get through this - I know that because people keep telling me the same and telling me that actually, it worked out for the best and that it was the best thing that happened to them. I'm nowhere near even believing that but I have faith.

All I can advise is make sure you eat and drink, even though you might not feel like it. Listen to the PP who said about making sure he takes the children out - I didn't at first as I thought it would give us a chance to talk but that made things worse.

Just be kind to yourself and take each hour as it comes. Don't worry about feeling emotional or crying or whatever - I've learned the hard way that you have to let yourself process each emotion.

Sending so much love.

Cloud82 · 22/09/2017 21:44

Ah thanks for the lovely message.

You must be really feeling it and my heart goes out to you ❤️. It's not a nice feeling when someone throws you away like your nothing. That's how I've felt.

I've just had a good old cry. Knowing he is setting up home with the other one today. Made it all very real and very painful.

I treated myself to a cuppa and a biscuit for letting the emotions out.

I would just like this fog to lift so I can start thinking straight. Do you have that feeling?

Nice to get your point of view Smile

I hope that we both heal in time once we are over the shock. You keep yourself healthy and happy.

Sending big hugs

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