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MN jury - have I been too hard?

64 replies

Greenshoots · 27/03/2007 12:29

DS1 is 4 (I have posted about him ad nauseam lately). Just now outside his nursery he whined about us not going to town today - I'd said no - so he sat down on the ground and pouted, and when I eventually lifted him up he went boneless and wouldn't take his weight (you know the move, they all do it!).

So I said at because of his behaviour we could not go to the playground as planned but would go straight home instead. I didn't lose mytemper or shout or anything, but I don't really like opportunistic punishments and I feel it was a bit of a cheap shot on my part. I've had a difficult few days and he was embarassing me in front of all the other parents.

I then had to nip into the Children's Centre office (next to the nursery) to pick up a form I needed. DS1 screamed and cried all the time we were in there and wouldn't get up AGAIN when I asked him to.

I then realised he hadn't got his bookbag and took him back to the nursery to get it (he'd stopped crying but was still sulking). I am an idiot, he doesn't need the sodding bookbag, I should have just gone home. Anyway when we got there his teacher and the headmaster were still there and looked concerned because he was obviously sad and had tears on his face . I said "He's upset because I said he can't go to the playground because he sat down on the ground and refused to move". They both looked a bit shocked. His teacher said "Oh dear" and the headmaster got down and put his arms around ds1 and said "You'll learn". DS1 was sobbing again and saying "I don't like our house, it's a horrible house" as we left.

I feel like such a dickhead, why did I take him back in there? They must think I am off my trolley.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
pinkranger · 28/03/2007 10:13

i had this yesterday at nursey, ds wanted go and watch something that you need money for i explained i didnt have any, he then threw a big strop infront of all the parents, then tried to pull my trousers down in anger [blsuh] at this point i have steam coming out of my ears as im 19 weeks pg and little things send me crazy, he then went of in front on his scooter and did not listen to me when i called, shouted and screamed hisname ( near a road) aso i then carried a scooter above my head as he was tryingto grab it off me with him screaming trying to hit me, he did have one warning that if he did it again he would loose something he loved, so he carried on and he has now lost his telly time for 2 days!

they all do i, we all have them days, not looking forward to faicingthe parents later

Twiglett · 28/03/2007 10:21

Greensleeves that was unneccessary and out of order IMHO

eemie · 28/03/2007 10:26

You know the boneless thing that they all do?

Well, our cat has started to do it when you try to get her into the kitchen at night.

She started out being more like a dog than a cat, and now she's turning into a toddler before my eyes...

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Boco · 28/03/2007 13:07

Twiglett thanks for asking, i'm waiting for results today. Should hear this afternoon,got a wait with me thread as i'm pacing pacing. I'll post on it when i hear

Greenleeves · 28/03/2007 13:48

What on earth are you talking about Twiglett? Take a joke fgs. And maybe a chill pill.

I just came back to thank the posters on this thread for helping me out yesterday. DS1 has had a much better morning at nursery today and come out with glowing comments from his teachers (apparently he listened beautifully and also helped another child who was crying) and a big smile on his face, so I was able to reward him and have some fun with him Which he and I both badly needed. So thanks for helping me get through my massive overreaction yesterday.

pageturner · 28/03/2007 14:02

Oh, I'd say he's learnt a fantastic lesson there: be good, nice stuff happens, be a pest, bad stuff happens. It's a simple lesson that will stand him well in life!

Glad he had a better day - hope you are too. x

Twiglett · 28/03/2007 14:08

sorry snotsleeves .. I misread it and thought you were having a go .. and didn't understand why .. but you weren't so I didn't need to understand anything because no go was had .. patently

Twiglett · 28/03/2007 14:09

I never use the angry face btw unless I'm really livid ... I think that's why I got confused

Greenleeves · 28/03/2007 14:10

It was probably the that did it, there should have been a there are well!

No 'ard feelings then [gruff]

Greenleeves · 28/03/2007 19:15

Apparently the head checked with him how he was feeling about yesterday's 'incident' and ds1 said "I've decided never to sit on the floor and refuse to get up again", and the head said "Well done for making the right choice" and gave him another hug . So hopefully we have a clean slate now.

pageturner · 28/03/2007 19:18

Ds1 - good decision!

fennel · 29/03/2007 11:58

See, he's picking up the social cues and modifying his behaviour, he'll get there.

Bring him round to play again soon, what about tomorrow or over the weekend?

Spidermama · 29/03/2007 12:05

I've only had time to read the OP but I think you made the classic mistake of not giving any warning and therefore not giving him a reasonable chance to sort out his behaviour for himself. This left him powerless and with a sense of injustice.

When he did the boneless bit you could have said, 'You get up and you walk in here with me, otherwise you won't be allowed to go to the park'.

At least then if he'd continued the behaviour he would also have felt some responsibility for the withdrawal of his park rights.

BTW, it's easy to say all this I know, but when you're emotional, tired and looking for a quick end to a bad situation you do rash things.

Spidermama · 29/03/2007 12:06

I've just realised I'm out of date with this thread as it has moved on from the OP.

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