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Parenting

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Original poster

MN jury - have I been too hard?

64 replies

Greenshoots · 27/03/2007 12:29

DS1 is 4 (I have posted about him ad nauseam lately). Just now outside his nursery he whined about us not going to town today - I'd said no - so he sat down on the ground and pouted, and when I eventually lifted him up he went boneless and wouldn't take his weight (you know the move, they all do it!).

So I said at because of his behaviour we could not go to the playground as planned but would go straight home instead. I didn't lose mytemper or shout or anything, but I don't really like opportunistic punishments and I feel it was a bit of a cheap shot on my part. I've had a difficult few days and he was embarassing me in front of all the other parents.

I then had to nip into the Children's Centre office (next to the nursery) to pick up a form I needed. DS1 screamed and cried all the time we were in there and wouldn't get up AGAIN when I asked him to.

I then realised he hadn't got his bookbag and took him back to the nursery to get it (he'd stopped crying but was still sulking). I am an idiot, he doesn't need the sodding bookbag, I should have just gone home. Anyway when we got there his teacher and the headmaster were still there and looked concerned because he was obviously sad and had tears on his face . I said "He's upset because I said he can't go to the playground because he sat down on the ground and refused to move". They both looked a bit shocked. His teacher said "Oh dear" and the headmaster got down and put his arms around ds1 and said "You'll learn". DS1 was sobbing again and saying "I don't like our house, it's a horrible house" as we left.

I feel like such a dickhead, why did I take him back in there? They must think I am off my trolley.

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Original poster

Greenshoots · 27/03/2007 12:30

Pro-smacking contigent, please feel free to tell me it serves me right!

OP posts:

jellyhead · 27/03/2007 12:32

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Enid · 27/03/2007 12:35

he stitched you up

remember to go straight home next time

or threaten the loss of the playground then take it away

but fgs dont worry about it we've alld one it

lol at the teacher and head - i have been in those kind of situations and you feel like a tit

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Original poster

Greenshoots · 27/03/2007 12:37

lol at "stitched up", that's exactly how I feel

What is it about teachers, especially head teachers, they make you feel about 6 inches tall even when they're being nice!

OP posts:

hex · 27/03/2007 12:37

I actually think it's out of order for the headmaster to have intruded on your punishment policy. In this situation, I don't think it was acceptable for him to hug your son, given that you were trying to instill a lesson. I would have been annoyed - if not just because the message given off by the head doing this was that you were being overly distant and emotionally harder on ds than necessary.

nogoes · 27/03/2007 12:37

You did really well. I had a similar situation with ds the other day in a bookshop which resulted in me not buying him the book that I had promised him all week, I felt really mean but I think I actually got through to him.

Everyone was looking at me like I was some mad person. Sometimes I don't think other children other misbehave judging by the looks I get when ds is having a tantrum.

Blu · 27/03/2007 12:38

What Enid said.

And anyway - see if he does learn...you might have done the trick!

I was driven wild by that 'passive resistance', and used to shout 'if you don't move I'll drag you and you won't like it'.

Original poster

Greenshoots · 27/03/2007 12:38

Thank you hex, I like the man but I did feel a bit criticised!

OP posts:

FluffyMummy123 · 27/03/2007 12:38

Message withdrawn

FluffyMummy123 · 27/03/2007 12:39

Message withdrawn

Original poster

Greenshoots · 27/03/2007 12:40

he is bloody incorrigible

OP posts:

FluffyMummy123 · 27/03/2007 12:40

Message withdrawn

dejags · 27/03/2007 12:41

Don't worry greenshoots. I have done something similar - my DS wasn't scarred for life.

As for the Head - well I think he showed a great deal of empathy when he comforted your little one. I'd be far more concerned with a teacher/head who didn't show sympanthy to my sad 4 year old.

bozza · 27/03/2007 12:42

Agree with the majority opinion on here. He pressed a few buttons but you didn't come out of it too badly. Bad luck that you decided to go back for the book bag - easy to make small decisions that you realise in retrospect are silly when under pressure from children. I think most of us have been there...

Original poster

Greenshoots · 27/03/2007 12:43

Oh he's a very empathis and touchy-feely person and also quite strict, I've no problems with him, or any of them generally. I just didn't enjoy feeling like Cruella defriggingVille in front of them.

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Original poster

Greenshoots · 27/03/2007 12:43

the bloody bookbag is a token gesture anyway, they're only 4 [nobhead emoticon]

OP posts:

Mercy · 27/03/2007 12:44

Greensleeves - you are too hard on yourself imo.

WanderingTrolley · 27/03/2007 12:46

Agree with Mercy.

V much doubt the head will think you are Cruella.

They will have seen worse.

cori · 27/03/2007 12:47

I don't think you have been to hard. I did a similar thing yesterday. DS wandered away from me in the supermarket to look for the smarties I said he could have, (we have had getting,lost issues before) he didn't get the smarties in the end.

beckybrastraps · 27/03/2007 13:05

You did the right thing. My two still remember the time we left the cafe with the cakes on the table because they were messing around and they didn't listen to my warning. Just a little reminder of that now and they sit like angels...

Marina · 27/03/2007 13:10

I don't think you were too hard at all greeny. We have all been caught out putting the evils on our dcs by a teacher or support worker...haven't we ?
I was once observed, I realised only later, furiously chivvying two boo-hooing children down the road, by a saintly old chap from church out on his bicycle

fennel · 27/03/2007 14:42

They'll have seen it hundreds of times before. I have regularly dragged my 2yo, kicking and screaming, all the way to school and back (so the others wouldn't be late if she refused to walk). In full view of many people I would like to impress with my sophistication and parenting skills.

and only this morning I yelled SHUT UP at my toddler in the middle of toddler group, when all she'd done was ask me (repeatedly, very repeatedly) to read her a book.

count it as a service to other parents who are watching, it makes them all feel better to see other parents crack a bit.

Original poster

Greenshoots · 27/03/2007 15:15

pmsl fennel, I've shouted "shut up" at toddler group as well. In fact the old woman who used to run the methodist one heard me bark it at ds1 once, she glared at me with that "bulldog licking piss off a nettle" face. I thought I was going to be expelled

OP posts:

bozza · 27/03/2007 15:18

Ah I have the 2yo at school issue as well. DD does not always wake up well from her nap, but that does not mean that I can just leave DS at school. So on Friday she cried all the way there, all the time we were waiting and all the way home.

oliveoil · 27/03/2007 15:19

I have thrown dd2's shoes on the pavement before now in full view of a line of traffic

she was having a strop and taking them on and off so I said "RIGHT THEN FORGET IT!" and threw them on the floor

I mean, why? Who apart from me was picking them up in shame?

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