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Original poster

Do I let exs gf meet my baby

52 replies

Paddlingducks · 04/06/2017 13:53

I had a fling with a friend after my marriage broke down, I've been friends with him and is gf for years and they split up and the fling happened. I fell pregnant and he went back to his gf. He has been here for me all through the pregnancy and birth and has spent time with our son everyday since he was born but I'm not friends with her anymore. Long story short, I want him back, my other 3 dc love him. Baby is now 2weeks old and his ex wants to meet him. I don't want her to, aibu?

OP posts:
Original poster
Paddlingducks · 04/06/2017 13:54

His gf want to meet him*

OP posts:
AWaspOnAWindowInAHeatwave · 04/06/2017 14:00

Sorry but I don't really understand your post?
His ex (who he'd broken up from when he had the fling with you resulting in your DS) wants to meet your DS?
Why?

AWaspOnAWindowInAHeatwave · 04/06/2017 14:01

Oh sorry I see. They got back together.
YANBU not to want her to. But YABU to think she won't. Your ex is the baby's father and it's just as much up to him who gets to meet his DC, as it is up to you.

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Original poster
Paddlingducks · 04/06/2017 14:02

Sorry, yeah they got back together after the fling

OP posts:
FathomsDeepAndFallingFurther · 04/06/2017 14:03

Why would this woman, who is nothing to do with you or your baby, want to meet him?

zippey · 04/06/2017 14:05

You can't stop the Childs father from seeing other people while he has the baby (unless she is a danger to the child)

A bit controlling and you won't come out looking reasonable.

FathomsDeepAndFallingFurther · 04/06/2017 14:06

Ah x post. I get it now.

I can see your point but really, you are just delaying the inevitable. Your baby is too little to be away from you now but presumably his father will have him overnight at some point? In which case, he can introduce his son to whomever he wants.

But if you don't want it to happen yet then say no.

Aridane · 04/06/2017 14:06

Because she is the father's DP

LedaP · 04/06/2017 14:07

So she has been with this man years.

He slept with someone when they were split and There is now a baby.

Given that she has been in his life a long time i would let them meet once the baby is old enough for him to take the baby out on his own.

You werent with him and you won't get him back. I suspect you dont want her to meet the baby as you hope he will still spend every day visiting you and you will some how win him back.

This decision should be made based in whats best for thr baby. Not on wether you think it will help/hinder you winning him back.

Aridane · 04/06/2017 14:07

(Sorry- that was to fathom's earlier post)

SheSaidNoFuckThat · 04/06/2017 14:08

She wants to meet him as it's her BFs DS, if they're together then she will be part of his life.

I understand you want the guy back, but denying the GF meeting your DS won't make him come back to you. If they live together and he has DS overnight or even for the day, surely it's better they meet? She will be feeding/cleaning/entertaining him also

KungFuEric · 04/06/2017 14:13

This is a woman you were a friend of, you now have a child with her partner. I think she's going to be involved in your sons life.

Original poster
Paddlingducks · 04/06/2017 14:15

I hate the thought of them playing happy families, it's my baby and he wanted me get an abortion when he found out i was pregnant. I can't help feeling that she is why he left me and I don't want him to have ds overnight. This is his first dc and she has none, i know what I'm doing, they don't. Sorry if i sound ungrateful for advice I'm just finding it hard

OP posts:
LedaP · 04/06/2017 14:19

No the baby is yours and his.

The child eventually staying over and being looked after by them is inevitable.

You once did not have kids too.

eternalnamechange · 04/06/2017 14:23

Don't be that bitter, selfish woman, OP. To your child or his father.

Floralnomad · 04/06/2017 14:27

He left you because he wanted to go back to his long term gf , stop blaming her , it's nothing to do with her . Obviously if they stay together inevitably she will be involved in your sons life so it's up to you whether you want to make this arrangement amicable or put your child in the middle of a mess . As you sound really bitter though it's probably best that the meeting occurs once the baby is old enough to go out with the ex for a few hours.

Tinty · 04/06/2017 14:55

Ok, take all your feelings for her partner out of this. You say you were friends with her and him before your marriage break up? Did you like her and think she was a nice person, the kind of person you would introduce your previous children to? Or If someone else said to you that they had had a fling which resulted in a child and now the father wanted to introduce his baby to this woman would you say yes she is lovely or no I wouldn't. Think about it dispassionately.

SheSaidNoFuckThat · 04/06/2017 15:31

Sorry but you say you don't want him to have DS overnight - unless something drastic comes to light you have no rights to stop this.

Also, regardless of whether he originally wanted you to have an abortion, he's there doing his part.

You sound like you need to grow up and sort your head out

TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 04/06/2017 15:44

Your sons only 2 weeks old - overnights will be a while off yet, and hopefully by then you'll be feeling a little better about the situation.

Keeping his gf away from the baby will not make him come running back to you, it will just create barriers for your son and his father.

PotteringAlong · 04/06/2017 15:46

So you're the OW and you're now wanting to break up his relationship?

MssGameandWatch · 04/06/2017 15:52

At two weeks old it is not necessary andi wouldn't have it. I'm sure I will be moaned at for that but there's no way on this earth I would be handing my newborn over to be introduced to their fathers girlfriend. What a fucked up situation.

waterrat · 04/06/2017 16:57

You don't have to let him have overnights or long visits at this young age. Have you thought seriously about access/ contact over the coming years - it's such an early age for you to have to deal with it but it may be worth trying to take a longer view.

IF they stay together then yes she will eventually spend time with your baby - but this is a newborn and your emotions will be all over the place from birth and pregnancy.

I think you need to forget about her - it's painful but when you have a baby with someone and they leave you - there will always be a difficult time when they are given access without you . I can imagine it must be incredibly hard to imagine them together looking after your baby - but if you and he don't get back together then he can do what he likes unfortunately.

Try to stay calm and just allow the most short and reasonable access for such a tiny baby. You have to be reasonable - could you get a friend who is calm and good at getting on with people to help you negotiate access?

Original poster
Paddlingducks · 04/06/2017 16:58

I have asked him to move out, how can he be happy when he finished it with her before and got with me. I don't ever want her near my ds. I said sorry to her when he went back and she wudn't accept it saying I'd hurt her too much. It wasn't just me and they weren't even together. Why should I be nice to her now and do what she wants

OP posts:
Ditsy1980 · 04/06/2017 17:06

You are only 2 weeks in, your hormones will be all over the place plus your feelings for him are unresolved. Give it some time.

Is he on the birth certificate?

there will come a time when as his partner she will meet your DC. You have no right to ask him to move out of his home. he chose her. Yes he is supporting you now and visiting everyday but that is to see DC, not you. It is hard but you need to realise that and separate your feelings for him from his parenting.

LedaP · 04/06/2017 17:08

He is staying with you?

Look the baby is young. It will be a few weeks/months before hr even takes the baby out on his own and longer before the baby stays with him overnight. So dont worry about it yet.

However, the fact they split means nothing. They werent together and she may feel ket down that her friend (you) slept with her ex. Many people would find that hard to accept.

But your relationship with her has nothing to do with this. You dony have to be nice to her. But its best to be civil. Or at least not have direct contact with her. That does not mean you can stop him or her seeing your baby.

He is the babys father. You can not stop contact over this. You cant. He will take you to court and get visits.

Your child deserves a realtionship with its father. You can not stop this just because you wish he was your partner.