Help with toddler tantrums

[yetanotherelsa]

I feel like a totally crap parent. DD is 2.9 and seems like Jekyll and Hyde. One minute happy the next throwing things and screaming and kicking or hitting me. I just can't cope with her and resort to letting her watch tv as it seems to calm her down. I know this is really lazy shit parenting but I am all out of ideas. I ask her what she wants, I try giving her warnings and I try counting to 5 before transitions. I also try being empathetic and listening and lots of attention but she just shouts go away and hits me

Is she over tired or hungry? That's always a risk for DD kicking off. There's nothing wrong with TV in moderation but if you are giving it when she's kicking off you are actually reinforcing the bad behaviour. Best to distract distract distract first. What does she like doing?

I don't think she's over tired as it happens at all times of day even when she's just woken up from her nap. She likes all the usual toddler things; soft play, going to the park, exploring in the woods, visiting new places like museums but sometimes she jut flat out refuses to go anywhere.

Yesterday afternoon I offered to take her out to the park and to watch the bmx bikes and she had a total hissy fit and so we just stayed at home.

I have to pretend I'm leaving the house and leaving her home by herself before she will let me put her shoes on to go out. It's painful and it takes me 40-60minutes of negotiations to go anywhere so we're always late.

Once we finally get somewhere she then loves it and we have the same problem trying to get her home.

I am trying to respect her wishes and be empathetic but to be honest I've had enough and just want her to do what I'm asking.

Sorry should have mentioned that at the moment although she likes all outdoors stuff that watching tv is the thing she asks to do the most.

I used to only let her watch to while I was in the shower getting ready for work but now she probably watches 2-3 hours which I am sure is far too much but it's just such a battle to get her out doing anything else and I just don't have the energy for it.

2-3 is a difficult age op, they have an understanding of what they want (and how to get it!)But I'm not convinced they can fully appreciate consequences or outcomes. This makes sanctions and bribery (the cornerstones of my parenting hard!). I have a 3.5 year old and an almost 2 year old who has fully embraced tantrums and these are some things i've found useful:

• Diversion and distraction. When I can feel a tantrum coming on about, say getting shoes on I start to talk and distract. 'Ds, which coat are you going to wear? Can you look outside at what the weather's like? Oh windy, so shall we put your blue one on? Can you do it quicker tha you sister? Oh well done!'.....and so on. You need to have yourself and everything else ready first so it's just about getting them out.

-If it fails use tv wisely. No tv until 10 minutes before you need to go, then 'you can watch one peppa/bing/whatever whilst we put your shoes and coat on'. -Chose your battles wisely. Teeth brushing? Non negotiable. Slightly unsuitable coat. Fine. Mis-matching top and leggings- I can live with that. Taking the robot with us, watever just get out of the sodding door. -At 3.5 ds gets some actual consequences. I do drive so we have to be out of the house to get buses. Last week we did miss a toddler group because he was pissing about so much. I don't think he imagined I would ever actually let it happen though! 2 is probably too young though.

• When they are mid tantrum I just leave the to it. I just say 'tell me when you're ready for a love'. With mine any further intervention just makes it worse. Obviously they never get what they were tantrumming over.