Feel embarrassed/shy to arrange playdates

[Penguin13]

Have a DD2.5 yo and DD 8wo and since DD2 was born DD1 is home a lot more (2 days at nursery instead of 4) she has a few friends at nursery and is very sociable and I know she would love to have some friends over - it wasn't practical before as their days off from nursery didn't coincide. The trouble is that i am shy and socially awkward and although I chat to some of the mums at pick-up/drop - off I am struggling to make the leap to ask about a playdate. Additionally I am worried they will judge my house which is pretty messy and whilst not a complete hovel is the kind of house where we panic-clean/tidy for a few hours before a visitor just to be able to say 'oh sorry the place is such a mess' and now I don't even have that kind of time really. Anyone else feel the same way? I have visions of people sitting there thinking my house is so disgusting I just need to pull on my big girl pants and do it anyway right?

I'm the same. I've been to loads of groups and classes with my 16 month old and always have a nice chat with the other parents. However it's one and one's I dread. I have swapped numbers with lots of other mums but when they get in touch I just make excuses I find it very hard to make friends anyway and always make plans, but when it comes to the crunch I just can't do it.

I was in a similar position many years back. Nursery mentioned how close my dd was to one girl so I left a note with them for her mum and suggested meeting up with them outside of nursery and left my number. They are still best friends now ( just turning 9) even though they go to different schools. We tend to meet up outside of our houses and do have a good relationship as mum friends...

It is scary but it's worth doing. In this weather how about suggesting meeting at the park and maybe coffee in the cafe afterward (or take a thermos and a box of biscuits)?
We do this to see big families who won't fit easily in either house. Harder with a newborn though, I know.

To be honest, I always suggest play dates in the park, not bc my house is a mess, but bc I don't want my house to turn into a big mess from the play date! Lol. My kids are 3 and 5. We have done the odd play date in the house and it always becomes a mess after. I prefer to just let the kids play in the park. Plus good for them to get outside and get fresh air. Perhaps email the parents? I have no problem emailing parents in the class I have never met or spoken to arrange play date. But of course my DD will know the child and ask to set one up with them. Some parents are more friendly then others. Just got to get out there and try. Its for your DD.

Thanks for all your replies. I wasn't sure if arranging a date outside the house would be seen as weird but I guess this glorious weather is the perfect excuse to get outside. Perhaps I should follow my DD's example - I wish I was still as carefree in social situations as she is. Have no idea how this shy introvert has managed to produce such a sociable extrovert

In this weather I would definitely suggest a trip to the park - or if you have a back garden you could invite over and spend most of the time outside. It's definitely not odd to suggest a park trip rather than a home visit.
I used to feel exactly like you, but after a few play dates it got much easier. 2.5 is still very young though, so be prepared for them to ignore each other/fight over toys etc. We've generally had good play dates, but I still cringe when I remember one where the girls (aged 3) started having a full on physical fight over a toy! That could have been avoided by being at the park with no toys!!

Also check out an app called Mush which links mums up in your area with similar aged kids. I had my first playdate yesterday at a local park

I'm an introvert too and although DS is only seven months old I do worry about the same thing.

If I were you I'd a) arrange to meet at a park or something, and b) have an end time in mind. The children will get tired anyway. If it's at your house there's always the fear that they won't leave, so I think a public space is better. Something like coffee at a soft play would be good because it kind of has a natural end point when you finish your drinks.

Also, have a think beforehand about what to talk about. I've found that, when I meet up with other mums, we mostly end up talking about our babies anyway, which is nice because very few people are interested usually