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Original poster

Why am i SO TIRED, dh has only been away 3 days

64 replies

noonar · 16/03/2007 19:11

i feel beyond tired. the girls have been up before 6 all week. dh is snowboarding. i've had to work p/t - i teach- do the school run, look after dd2 (2.8) when not working, plus housework etc.

we've just got back from marrakech- went there for my dad's wedding. then had dd1's 5th birthday, party. now dh is away again.

i know its been busy, but so many single parents cope alone. why am i SO tired? surely dh doesnt do THAT much when he's around

how well do you cope, alone?

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tribpot · 16/03/2007 19:24

Wonder how tired your dh is going to be when you take a week off to go snowboarding!

Original poster
noonar · 16/03/2007 19:27

tribot, the trouble is, he knows i'd never leave them for more than a night or so while their so little, so i never get my 'turn'.

still have booked a massage for tomorrow, when mum will have them for a couple of hours. that'll be my mothers' day treat- from me, to me.

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Original poster
noonar · 16/03/2007 19:27

they're

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Littlefish · 16/03/2007 19:28

noonar, I know exactly what you mean. DH goes away 3 or 4 times a year, for 2 weeks at a time on business. I'm absolutely shattered by the time he gets home. I always feel really rubbish complaining about it, because I know lots of people who look after children on their own all the time. I take my hat off to them.

Original poster
noonar · 16/03/2007 19:30

strangely, am more efficient on my own...ready for school earlier etc, but SO tired.

little fish, 2 weeks is a long time.

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Littlefish · 16/03/2007 19:33

Yes, I'm more efficient too when dh is away, and the house certainly stays tidier.

2 weeks is a very long time! However, just before he gets back, I've generally got used to it and have started enjoying my own company, and sleeping like a starfish in the middle of the bed.

Because he's away on business I just sort of cope with it. However, when he's been away skiing, I sit and seethe a lot!

Original poster
noonar · 16/03/2007 19:35

he rang up at 7.45 and i was really grumpy with him. told him the girlds were in bed early, he was too late to speak to them, and i was too tired to talk.

yes, i do like the bed to myself, i have to admit.

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Littlefish · 16/03/2007 19:40

My dh has completely surpassed himself this time by arranging a 2 week trip away during the time we have builders in, knocking down walls, building an extension and putting the washing machine, dishwasher and shower room out of action.

He is not in my good books.

Can you have a really early night tonight?

CODalmighty · 16/03/2007 19:41

mine ws away for all of ours

Original poster
noonar · 16/03/2007 19:45

littlefish, i will do. cant you put your foot down about his next trip?

cod, all of what?

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Littlefish · 16/03/2007 19:45

What, all your building work?

Did you make him do huge penance when he got back?

Littlefish · 16/03/2007 19:46

The trouble is that he has to time his trips according to customers' needs, so no chance really!

Original poster
noonar · 16/03/2007 19:48

how old are the dcs?

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Littlefish · 16/03/2007 19:51

Only one dd, aged 2. Going through tantrum stage and hugely independent. I'm dreading trying to keep her out of the builders' way. Dh suggested that we go and stay with his parents while he's away .

Original poster
noonar · 16/03/2007 19:55

2 year olds are hard work! dd1, aged just 5 is being really sweet, saying she's in charge while daddy's away. she even tried to help me lift the bugg down the steps today. brings a tear to my eye just thinking about it. she's such a cutie.

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noonar · 16/03/2007 19:55

buggy

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AMAZINWOMAN · 16/03/2007 21:31

i think its emotionally draining, knowing that you have to do everything with no chance of a break! even though you say dh doesnt do much, you have the option of asking him. or just walking to hops alone and leaving him minding kids for ten minutes

Original poster
noonar · 17/03/2007 18:12

thats v true.

dh just rang and i was grumpy with him again. i do feel bad, but obviously resent him for being away,otherwise i wouldnt react like this. dont want to chat to him, tbh. for the first couple of days, i was pleased to hear his voice. now i'm just irritated that he's interrupted my MN ing.

dyou think i should call him back?

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Judy1234 · 17/03/2007 18:19

Either you don't agree he can go or you let him go with a good grace rather than spoiling it for him.

But I know what you mean. When my ex husband left me with 5 (although our youngest 2 were 4 so easier than yours) it was hard. So many things are shared and you miss that when you're on your own. if you don't think you can leave them for the same time he has...actually don't see why not. A nearly 3 and 5 year old could survive a week without their mother without being emotionally damaged. Why not book a week in the sun somewhere with a girl friend? I don't think you should accept these types of inequalities in relationships where he gets this week off and you don't. It just leads to resentment.

3andnomore · 17/03/2007 18:32

Hm...I think it's the constant demand that can wear you out...obviously depends on yur normal family dynamics...but, evne though my dh will not do much as in chores, he will take the Kids of my hands so I can cook in peace or just do somehting wihtout being interupted, etc...iywim...and it does make a difference.
MY dh is in the Armed Forces, so a fair bit away, and he is in afghanistan right now...and I am very tired, especially as the lil ones seemd to have been ill a lot over the last few weeks with one thing or another...but I suppose in teh end you just cope, eh...not much choice in that matter!

3andnomore · 17/03/2007 18:34

noonar...it isn't fair though if you are grumpy with him, I mean, I assume that theoretical you oculd have time away on your own aswell, and if you choose not to do that, then it's not fair to let him suffer for it, iykwim.

Judy1234 · 17/03/2007 19:07

I'm obviously not an expert on men as I'm divorced but sometimes complaining doesn't really help, whereas saying what you would like clearly does. On the other hand anyone with a 2 year old is entitled and expected to feel tired and fed up on a regular basis. My brother and his wife have been woken at 4am by theirs every single day this week and he's got up at 5am eventually to take the children over and then gone to work. Not easy for anyone with small children... thinking of ease of dealing with my 22 year old now.... just you wait 20 years.

It's one reason I find it useful one of mine at univesrity comes home at weekends a lot to help and that the oldest has moved back home - extra adult children around to help. Makes a huge difference so I'm not the only port of call to sort things out. I don't think one adult alone is easy for anyone or always best for children.

Judy1234 · 17/03/2007 19:08

My mother died 2 years ago and I recently found her diary or baby book from 1963 when I was nearly 2 for the next few years. I got it typed out. It is really interesting to see how it was with us 3 - she had 3 under 5 or 6 years and it's just the same as now, constant catching of colds and sickness etc and yet she told my sister we were never ill as children. Clearly she changed the past, her memory of it.

foxybrown · 17/03/2007 19:10

I actually quite like it when DP is away - I set myself up and get organised. There's noone to complain about my choice of TV, I can eat porridge for dinner and how nice to have my big bed to myself!

LucyJones · 17/03/2007 19:14

wow, Xenia, that must be so intersting, I'd love to come across something like that.

I'm the same when my dh is away, get exhausted during the day (as per usual!) but it's harder not having anyone to discuss it all with at the end of the day. Especially as when he rings he cca't talk for ong cos is about to go off doing exciting things when I have to get an early night and go through it all again.... lol, I paint such a nice picture!!