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Original poster

Why am i SO TIRED, dh has only been away 3 days

64 replies

noonar · 16/03/2007 19:11

i feel beyond tired. the girls have been up before 6 all week. dh is snowboarding. i've had to work p/t - i teach- do the school run, look after dd2 (2.8) when not working, plus housework etc.

we've just got back from marrakech- went there for my dad's wedding. then had dd1's 5th birthday, party. now dh is away again.

i know its been busy, but so many single parents cope alone. why am i SO tired? surely dh doesnt do THAT much when he's around

how well do you cope, alone?

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Original poster

noonar · 17/03/2007 19:16

xenia, 3 and more, thanks for your posts. i just feel so tired that i dont want to chat...just speaking to my mum a few minutes ago made me nearly burst into tears for no obvious reason.

i dont mean to be grumpy with him, but its not like i rang him up to have a go at him. he called at caught me at a low. i wasnt horrid, just said i'm really tired and dont feel like chatting.

i do see your point and i dont want to spoil his fun. but if i was that mean i wouldnt let him go at all. i am enduring this tiredness for his benefit, but cant be expected to be cheerful about it, too- surely?

ps i know thats lots of other mums cope better with far less support. am not great with my 2yo, for days on end. have to be honest. 5 yo is a diff story.

OP posts:

foxybrown · 17/03/2007 19:19

try to be kind to yourself .... just a little bit each day. it gets easier.

kickassangel · 17/03/2007 19:25

another mum who goes through periods without dh - sometimes work & sometimes pleasure. today he was out sailing, & dd has been ill for a week, so v grumpy. i've just told him to go & watch the rugby he recorded as i want some quiet time. i also work ft, so when he's away i have 14 hours a day either working/being with dd plus house wrok, and no relatives around to help!
fortunately he got back from a trip just in time to care for dd this week, as my school stop pay if i look after her.
what makes me most mad, is how much tidier the house is without him - surely as an adult he should be contributing to the tidiness, not the mess?

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Original poster

noonar · 17/03/2007 19:30

thanks, nice to hear your exp.

should i ring him back?

OP posts:

kickassangel · 17/03/2007 19:34

text - specially if he might be out - say sorry you were grumpy, but you're hugely tired & him ebing away has been much harder than you thought. even hint he owes you some flowers as a thank you?

like you, i could never go away for a week & leave dd, so know this is a one way favour

DumbledoresGirl · 17/03/2007 19:34

Hey noonar - complete sympathies here! My dh has jsut been away for a 2 week business trip. He got back yesterday morning and within 10 minutes of being home, I found out he was asked to work a rota of 2 weeks away and one week at home for the next 2 and a half months! (And who is to say that 2 and a half months won't stretch on for longer? )

I have four children - admittedly not that young (aged between four and ten) and I have found it very demanding emotionally. I have a debilitating phobia about illness which colours everything, but even that aside, it is very demanding being completely in charge for 24 hours a day. As my 2 weeks went on, I found it increasingly hard to make small decisions about the children and since dh has been back (less than 36 hours) we have sorted out loads of things together that I had left pending. So I can understand your tiredness: it can be emotional as much as physical in cause.

And personally, not being the mature woman that many are here, I would find it doubly hard if dh was away on a holiday than if he was away on business. In fact, I have been so impossible about previous jollies that he now only goes away when he has to rather than for pleasure!

DumbledoresGirl · 17/03/2007 19:39

Oh forgot the good things though! The good things:
yes, I too am more efficient and get more done when dh is away,
I can watch whatever I like on tv (not the three rugby matches in a row that dh has just watched!)
I can go to bed when I like and read unmolested both last thing at night and first thing in the morning!
and once asleep, I sleep a lot more soundly without dh snoring and going to the loo in the middle of the night! Last night, it was a real adjustment, having him back in the bed again!

kickassangel · 17/03/2007 19:42

Oh DG I thought i only had 1 rugby match to endure - he's recorded them all~!!! looks like i'll be doing my marking then!

how are things witht the emetaphobia? are you getting any help?

kickassangel · 17/03/2007 19:42

Oh DG I thought i only had 1 rugby match to endure - he's recorded them all~!!! looks like i'll be doing my marking then!

how are things witht the emetaphobia? are you getting any help?

suejonez · 17/03/2007 19:44

single parents do cope alone but you are used to it and you have different coping strategies (mine involve Mothercare cafe)

DumbledoresGirl · 17/03/2007 19:44

Pass some my way and I will mark for you! Anything rather than watching Eurovision which is what dh now has on. What is wrong with the man?!

I am awaiting a group relaxation course which the GP wanted me to try. I have also bought a relaxation CD from Aimsmum's hypnotherapist but I haven't had a chance to listen to it yet. Apparently, it has helped Aimsmum a lot.

suejonez · 17/03/2007 19:46

and it doesn;t matter how frazzled you feel when people as (I'm single) how I'm coping I always smile brightly and say "Fine thank you" because they're not going to offer to help (as experince toells me) so you may as well leave them thinking you are superwoman.

Hardest thing is getting up at 6.30 every day wihtout fail forever - no lie in's (or at least until they're teenagers and sleep until noon)

Original poster

noonar · 17/03/2007 19:47

kickass, thats good adviec.

DG, you poor thing. i'm amazed you have been able to find any sympathy for me, as you have it much harder!

but, having said that, i could cope indefinately with dd1. dd2 is the tricky one. although dd1 is still young, she understands that mummy needs a rest, but with a 2yo, the more they sense you're not tuned in to them/ cant address their needs, the more demanding they become, ime. its dds2 that gets me climbing the walls

OP posts:

DumbledoresGirl · 17/03/2007 19:50

Oh I forgot to explain that when dh was asked to work a rota of 2 weeks in the States, one week here, he actually told them he was not willing to be away for 2 weeks in a row - well, it is the weekend he won't do again - so I am not exactly sure what I am facing over the next couple of months.

Original poster

noonar · 17/03/2007 19:52

sue, sorry, just seen your post. you sound like a super woman.

OP posts:

FloatingNeedsAnEasterName · 17/03/2007 19:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

noonar · 17/03/2007 19:56

floating....wont she be starting school soon? you can get a bit of time to yourself then

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suejonez · 17/03/2007 19:57

yup 10pm (maybe 10.30pm) bedtimes are pretty much essential if you are to cope - no father here either but that was my choice so wouldn;t dream of complaining about it.

Noonar - shhhhh I am trying to keep my superhero status secret for fear I am bombarded by the press. (sadly not really even close to super human )

suejonez · 17/03/2007 19:58

and I only have one and he is pretty good on the whole.

Original poster

noonar · 17/03/2007 20:00

i went to bed at 9 last night.

OP posts:

FloatingNeedsAnEasterName · 17/03/2007 20:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

noonar · 17/03/2007 20:02

am off to eat my M&S curry for one
...then bed.

'night all.

OP posts:

3andnomore · 17/03/2007 20:15

noonar, I am sure you are doing fine, you know And, glad you weren't ghrumpy grumpy...iykwim, lol!
DDgirl...oh, those positives to dh being away...I agree with them completely
to whomeever it said, that they could never go away for a week without their child....surely if you leave them in the care of your dh, their fathers...they will not come to any harm...yes, things may not be done the same way as you do, etc...but really generally our oh are much more capable when they have to cope then most of us will give them credit for....In the past few years I have not really taken a trip on my own, however, I have taken each time just one child with me to see their nan in germany and leaving the other 2 in their dads care, and I think sometiems it really helps you know...since I ahve been doing that, my dh really knows why I moan sometimes and that it isn't all that easy, etc....does them the world of good!

moondog · 17/03/2007 20:21

I'm alone for 6 weeks at a time with a 2 and a 6 year old. I have an f/t job,a p/t job and am doing an mSC (don't ask!) and fine that as long as I plan as ruthlessly as one would a military coup I'm ok.

What breaks me is the supper/bath/stories bedtime routine. It is a killer.

I often toy with going away alone for a week but as dh away so often,wouod mean seeing even less of him than I do already.

suziewoo13 · 17/03/2007 20:31

Moondog you must be superwoman! How do you have time to breathe!!! makes me feel very lazy and bad for starting to whinge by having an 11 month, p/t job and DH sway for 10 weeks.

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