Bottom wiping - age?

[MrsNuckyThompson]

At what age were your DC independently wiping their own bottoms after a poo? Sorry!!

DS is just 4 and today for the third time in about a month his pants have been completely covered in poo. This is because he's done a poo at pre school but not asked for any help to wipe himself. He tries himself but isn't very good at it yet. Today it was gross - he must have been very uncomfortable.

When I asked him why he didn't ask for help he said he was 'too shy'. I've explained that he doesn't have to feel shy and that the staff are there to make sure he's well and happy. I'm sure the teacher / TA would help if he asked but not much they can do if he doesn't ask. He's been going for wees independently for a long time so they probably think nothing of him going to the loo by himself?

He promised me faithfully tonight that he would either ask for help or try really hard to do a poo before school in the morning.

Realistically should I just be getting him better at wiping?

My ds is 4 too and comes home from school sometimes covered in poo as he hasn't wiped properly. It's just practice really I think. Also his arms really aren't long enough yet!!!

Yes I really think he'd struggle even if I spent time teaching him at this point. Should I speak to the teacher? Really don't want to be a pain but I felt sorry for him today - there was loads and it was slimy and sticky. Must have felt horrible.

You really need to teach him to do it. I don't think the teacher would be willing/able to wipe his bottom every time he does a poo. Due to safeguarding they would be required to have two adults present which would obviously be difficult with a whole classfull of other kids to simultaneously supervise.

Even for a class of 3-4 year olds? I'd expect that for reception I think but that's still quite a few months off for him. We better get working on it then!! Or I need to encourage him to try at home in the morning (although don't want him to have hang ups about where to do his poos!!).

I have a four year old who does it herself, she's pretty good but if I catch her I do like to check. I did spend a fair bit of time encouraging her to do it as I know they don't do it for them at pre-school which I guess you're now finding out!

My DS is also 4 - 5 in July. He has come home with poo on his pants a few times, as he can't wipe himself that well every time. He does try though and usually does a good enough job - his arms don't seem to be long enough

I wouldn't expect him to ask for help unless he got into a real mess or had an accident. I'd hope he'd ask for help, but I know he probably wouldn't. He'd just pull his pants up and blissfully forget all about it, until I clocked the smell on the way home...

Don't discourage him from doing a poo at preschool, as if he starts holding it in you could have a more serious problem on your hands. I would encourage him to tell the teachers when he is going for a poo so that they can check, and I would have a word with teachers to get them to ask "did you do a poo?".

DS is almost four, he can generally manage but we've taught him to kind of bend over and stick his bum in the air and do the 'wipe wipe dance' as I was fed up poo covered pants and him having an itchy bum from not wiping properly.

I was just wondering this myself today, ds be 4 shortly but shouts me when I'm needed! Was thinking when he starts reception in September he'll be expected to do it himself so maybe a bit of practice is needed over summer.

Due to safeguarding they would be required to have two adults present

It is not a requirement to have 2 adults present to help with toileting.

Whilst you should be helping him learn how to wipe, the preschool should help him if he needs it. I'm surprised it didn't smell, in which case they would have known he needed help cleaning himself up.

I think you could talk to his keyworker about encouraging him to ask for help when he needs it, and how best to support him in learning to clean himself.

My DS (6) obviously does his bum himself at school but he normally shouts for us to check it if he's at home. We always do DD's who is just 4, although I think she has a go herself at nursery.

I think you need to let them have a go, but I would always check if you can then you can give them feedback on how they've done (!) I don't think their arms are long enough or they are capable enough to do it themselves when they're young. I'd prefer to help them if I can than end up with them in a mess.

DD is 4 now and has always wiped her own bum after a wee or poo - never had these issues, but I did leave her to toilet train herself & she was quite late 3.5yrs) so maybe that's why - her arms were long enough to reach around properly maybe and she has just had practice?
Have you tried letting him do it at home by himself but with some of those wet toilet wipes to help?