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Original poster

Felt forced into potty training and now fustrated.

25 replies

Michaelsone1 · 26/04/2017 11:21

Feeling a little frustrated with this whole experience. I have 2 weeks left until my due date and to my shock last week I collected dd from nursery (20 months old) and they said they'd started putting her on thr potty. I hadn't started potty training and I hadn't asked them to start it either, so I was a bit annoyed tbh but thought one bonus was at least they're being pro active. But it's pressured me into training her, something I didn't want to do until baby was here and until she was about 2!

Anyway that was on Friday and she isn't due back in until tomorrow. Due to plans etc I couldn't start training her until yesterday and thought as they've shown her I should probably carry on. I've kept her bare from waste down yesterday and today. She had 3 wees on the floor yesterday, no wees in potty. She started to squeeze a poo out so I put her on the potty and she finished it on there so I gave her lots of praise, a sticker etc.

Today she's had 2 wees on floor, followed by 1 on potty and then another 2 on the floor. I thought she might have grasped the concept as she put herself on the potty and did a wee but then does it on the floor twice afterwards?

She's very advanced for her age, nursery tell me this often and family members say it m etc. She has a doll that does wees in a potty and she understands all that, so we've started to play with that a bit more and I gave the doll a sticker when it did a wee in the potty, lol!

Sometimes when I put her on it she says 'no mummy' and cries, other times she would sit on it for a while. Does this sound like she's starting off well? How long should I give it before I decide to abandon the idea (if it doesn't work)?

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purplepopple · 26/04/2017 11:27

I would just leave it now to be honest, I was feeling pressured to get my dd potty trained (she was 2.5 and seemed like all her peers were out of nappies!) it only worked when she decided herself she wanted big girl pants and then it happened quickly. Wish I had saved myself the stress and mess and left her to it!

HeyRoly · 26/04/2017 11:34

If you want to stop (and you're heavily pregnant so I don't blame you - who wants to be wiping urine and excrement off floors when you can barely get back up afterwards!) then stop and tell nursery that you're not interested in potty training.

They're only doing it to minimise the nappies they need to change after all.

20 months is super young anyway.

Original poster

Michaelsone1 · 26/04/2017 13:42

Thanks both. Put her on potty after nap and she didn't want to stay on, back turned for 3 seconds and a flood of wee all over the place. I've stuck a nappy on her and will tell nursery to leave it until I'm ready to do it. I already feel a lot less stressed!!

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Families General parenting Potty training

Sammysquiz · 26/04/2017 14:04

Definitely leave it. I waited until my DC were nearly 3 before I toilet-trained them and it was very quick and painless each time. No need to rush it.

megletthesecond · 26/04/2017 14:09

Leave it. Personally I found two lots of nappies far easier than one potty trained and one in nappies.

Blossomdeary · 26/04/2017 14:10

Nursery were wrong to start this without consulting you. Some decisions to be made....

are you happy for nursery to pursue this while DD is there? In which case leave them to it, but do what you want (i.e. nappies) when she is at home)
do you simply think she is not ready? In which case tell nursery to stop.

Only a parent can really decide when their child is ready - it depends on the child and on the home circumstances. A new baby arrival is not a good time to start. But later in the summer when the sun is out (?) she can run around outside with no nappy and get better acquainted with the sensations involved.

mathsy · 26/04/2017 14:21

Definitely don't rush it. We waited until DS was 2.10 and he got it within a few days. No wees/poos on the floor - just a few in the car seat when he was having a nap

Borntoflyinfirst · 26/04/2017 14:24

If all they said was that they put her on the potty then perhaps they were not asking you to start potty training her? Maybe SHE saw her little friends sitting on the potty/toilet and wanted to join in? Maybe the potty was just there and they asked her while she was having her nappy changed?

Don't feel you have to go full into potty training when she's not ready just because she occasionally sits on a potty at nursery. It's fine to let her do that and not worry the rest of the time. You could consider pull ups rather than nappies to help with it but I'd say as long as she is happy don't stress. Just before/after having a baby is not the time to be worrying about potty training and she is still very young. But if she wants to sit on the potty now and then it's not doing any harm.

ToffeeCaramel · 26/04/2017 14:27

Leave it til she's over 2. Tell nursery they are welcome to putting her on the potty if they want but you won't be starting Pt at home til you've had the baby and she's over 2 and you and she are ready.

bonzo77 · 26/04/2017 14:30

Leave it. Starting too early doesn't get them finished any earlier than if you started when they are truly ready. In fact it can put them off.

vichill · 26/04/2017 14:35

I agree two in nappies easier than one and a notice trained one. My dd took to it easily at 2 but wasn't without mad dashes until out of nappies for a year. Being out with a newborn and toddler is bad enough! I'd just leave a potty around and a training seat by the toilet in case she has a lightening moment and wants to do it spontaneously.

TinyTear · 26/04/2017 14:39

too soon

my daughter is 24 months and nursery want her ideally trained by september, when she moves up a class but i said i won't start until at least june or july...

mine knows what the potty is for, likes sitting on it and has done some wees there, but i won't leave her without a nappy. if she asks, i take her to the potty, but she is too young

my eldest was 2.5 when she was potty trained and that was a good age and she was more verbal

BentleyBelly · 26/04/2017 15:21

My dd was 2 years 10 months when we potty trained (on holiday with stone floors) tbh we left it a bit late and she got the hang of it in a day! I would leave it until she is so ready she is pulling her own nappy off to use the potty! Far less stressful.

Onomatopoeic · 26/04/2017 15:26

Don't bother doing it now if you're about to have a baby. She'll regress as soon as the baby arrives and it'll be a pain in your ass. Just wait until she seems ready and settled once the baby's born.

Cakescakescakes · 26/04/2017 15:28

Starting to put a child on the potty is different to full on abandoning nappies. I set my two on the toilet or potty in the morning and at bedtime for a few months before I got rid of nappies. Got them used to going in the potty so it wasn't such a sharp shock when they went into pants.

CocoLoco87 · 26/04/2017 15:29

At my DC's nursery, they put all 2yrs+ on the potty after lunchtime. They all just sit in a row. There is no expectation for them to do anything. Some will, some won't. It ends up being positive peer pressure because wees (or poos) are celebrated. I still waited till 2.5 when my DC was ready. Please don't see it as pressurising. It might just be their way of being 'helpful' and doing a potty practice en masse IYSWIM.

If you're not happy with it, speak to your child's key worker

SpookyPotato · 26/04/2017 15:34

There is no need to rush this, I would leave it for now (well I would say that, DS has just turned 3 and I've not started yet ) She will get it when she gets it.
I only ever get the odd comment from my mum and people of her age, but I say to her that they were desperate to get their kids out of reusuable nappies with all the washing etc. There's no need to rush it these days.. when they are ready it will be quick.

DPotter · 26/04/2017 15:34

DD started at 21 mths because she wanted to wear pants - I thought it was too early. Even though she wanted to, she just couldn't get the hand of it so we stopped and left it for a month or so and re-started and she was fine. 20 mths is very young

teaandbiscuitsforme · 26/04/2017 15:46

I wouldn't feel pressured into it just because they've put her on the potty. Either tell them to stop if you don't want them to start the process and confuse her or let her start having a go at nursery and train when you want to.

I trained DD at 22 months because she was refusing nappies. DS was 6 weeks old so it wasn't great timing but it wasn't as awful as I was imagining. I waited until she was off nursery for a week and DH took a long weekend off. It might have been early for some people but it really was very easy so don't assume that just because she's young, it can't be done easily. I was recommended the Oh Crap potty training book (which recommends training between 20 and 30 months).

I don't think it's going badly but you do have to do a bit more active teaching with a younger child rather than waiting for a 3 year old to effectively train themselves. That means watching for the sign that she's about to wee/poo and moving her or prompting her to move to the potty before she does it.

Dishwashersaurous · 27/04/2017 13:38

20months is really early. Tell nursery to stop. Wait until she's over two and you are through the tiny newborn stage.

Even if she suddenly gets it now, almost inevitably will regress once baby arrives

CottonSock · 27/04/2017 13:39

I agree that you may have misinterpreted. Putting on a potty does not mean full potty training

Rinceoir · 27/04/2017 13:46

I started putting DD on a potty at bath time from around 18months. Nursery thought she was ready before she turned 2 but I wasn't convinced and had booked parental leave for the summer time so planned to do it then. I tried at the start of my 6 weeks off (she was 2.2) abandoned attempt after 1 day as she was upset by it. Less than a week later she got up, took her nappy off and announced she was going to wear knickers now. She was dry day and night within 2 days. I'm a big believer in letting the child lead now!

DesignedForLife · 27/04/2017 15:03

Leave it. Many recently trained toddlers regress when a baby arrives. 20 months is very young still.

Trb17 · 27/04/2017 20:42

I waited until DD was 33 months and it was a breeze. It took 3 days while she was off nursery and she got it. Tell nursery you don't want them potty training her until you give the go ahead.

Crumbs1 · 27/04/2017 21:04

I think the time to potty train is not when there's a new sibling due to arrive. Her little world is about to turn upside down and she's being set up to fail. Let her get used to not be an only child before potty training. It's easier if you wait until they're two anyway.

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