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Original poster

4-month-old won't stop crying with grandparents

22 replies

AlwaysCryOverSpiltTea · 11/04/2017 22:25

We live next door to my parents who are in their late 60s. My OH works from home and I've just gone back to work part-time, so our arrangement is that when he is very busy and needs to work while I'm at work, my parents take care of our DS.

Because of their proximity they've seen DS pretty much every day of his life, so after us, they are the people he knows best, by a long way. But every time my OH leaves him with them, he says he cries almost non-stop. He gets annoyed saying it's because they don't know how to soothe him properly, but I think part of that is just typical complaining about the in-laws.

Is this normal for a baby to cry a LOT when with grandparents, even though he's a calm baby with us, and stops crying as soon as one of us takes him back? Are they doing something wrong, or is it just normal baby behaviour? My OH says he can't get much work done because he can hear his son crying non-stop and has to keep popping over to see what's wrong.

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Gillian1980 · 11/04/2017 22:55

My dd has only just stopped crying when being left with gps, she's 20 months. She sees them loads and is fine if we're there too but when left alone she'd get hysterical. I don't think it was being with them, but rather that she wasn't with us and it was us she wanted.

kingscrossnoodle · 11/04/2017 22:58

They are late 60's? Too old to be babysitting a wee 4 month old. It's tri they probably can't pacify your baby the way you would. Physically lifting and rocking is probably really difficult. A baby goes from light to heavy really quickly when you hold them for any length of time. I suspect your parents are not coping

Original poster

AlwaysCryOverSpiltTea · 12/04/2017 00:32

It just seems that all my friends do this with no issue. Almost everyone I know with a baby uses their parent/s as childcare at least one day a week. And that's a full day! We only do 2-4 hours at a time!

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the3pigeons · 12/04/2017 00:38

I wouldn't have thought so, kingscross, unless there are health problems that I've missed.

Most people in their sixties are indeed capable of childcare :)

the3pigeons · 12/04/2017 00:39

And yes, it is normal, OP, though frustrating.

What age is your DS? They do go through a very clingy stage at the 8-10 month stage, roughly speaking.

Mrsknackered · 12/04/2017 00:42

KingsCross my Grandma who is nearly 70 is perfectly capable of caring for and soothing her great grandchildren!

the3pigeons · 12/04/2017 00:42

Oh for goodness sake, I'm sorry - 4 months, right there in the title

Original poster

AlwaysCryOverSpiltTea · 12/04/2017 00:52

He does often cry about 30 seconds after being passed to friends/relatives that he doesn't really know, so I guess he is quite clingy to us, but like I said, he sees his grandparents every single day, usually for an hour or more. He's fine when I'm there with them. As soon as it's just him and them, he won't stop crying. It's very frustrating because (unfortunately) both OH and I obviously need to work! Wish there was something we could do.

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ImpetuousBride · 12/04/2017 00:56

I wouldn't say it's necessarily normal. When my DS was at that age (and later in his baby stage) he was fine to be with anyone provided he was cuddled, entertained and fed. There are three options in your case, your parents are doing something he doesn't like, they are not doing something he wants/needs (in which case your parents' "wrong" behaviour must be consistent as otherwise he wouldn't cry as soon as picked up by them), or he gets really anxious when away from you. Hard to know without being there.

MrEBear · 12/04/2017 01:26

Might be an odd suggestion. I've heard that letting baby have a t-shirt with your smell on it can help. So sleep in a t-shirt hand it over with baby see if it makes a difference.

I'd also think most people up to mid 70s would be fine looking after a baby.

highinthesky · 12/04/2017 01:49

I think it's a question of being attached to you. Perhaps have extended time with them in your presence so DS gets more used to your DP? That way you can share soothing tips etc if you need to.

My DM and DSis were a constant presence in DDs life from day 1. She's always been happy with them, I never have to worry about her crying etc.

kingscrossnoodle · 12/04/2017 05:52

KingsCross my Grandma who is nearly 70 is perfectly capable of caring for and soothing her great grandchildren! well that's great for you. But this OP has posted about her child's grandma NOT being capable, so what your can do is not really relevant

Abraiid2 · 12/04/2017 05:56

Yes, but you said it was owing to their age.

Late sixties is not that old.

kingscrossnoodle · 12/04/2017 06:29

their age in particular. How is that difficult to understand? Those particular grandparents are not coping, absolutely could be due to their age. Relevant factor IN THIS INSTANCE. I did not say every fucker over 60 can't cope

CPtart · 12/04/2017 07:11

That's a big ask of your parents. What if they wanted to do other things? Do they sit there at your beck and call?
SIL lives next door to PIL and had a similar set up. Boy has it backfired as those DC have got older. The grandparents feel they have a say in every aspect of their lives and upbringing, SIL feels massively beholden and unable to move and the DC feel weighted by the pressure of 'four parents'.
Are your parents of the 'leave them to cry' generation?

Cutesbabasmummy · 12/04/2017 11:24

4 months is still very little OP. Maybe he just needs his mummy or daddy.

mimiholls · 12/04/2017 20:04

A person in their 60s is not very old kings, totally standard age for a grandparent. At no point has the op said they are frail or unable to pick up or rock her child.
Op, have you tried spending time with ds and gp's together so he gets used to them with you there before leaving? Do they know exactly your methods for doing things so they can do the same?

Isadora2007 · 12/04/2017 20:07

I actually wonder if because he is used to seeing them with you around he is expecting you or DH to be there? He associates you all being together?

Four months is tiny... I don't know what could help...

Gillian1980 · 12/04/2017 20:54

I don't think there is any obvious implication that the grandparents aren't coping or are incapable.
OP is asking why her baby is behaving this way. It may be in no way related to the grandparents ability.

Not all babies, but certainly many, are very clingy to their parents and are upset when away from them.

kingscrossnoodle · 12/04/2017 22:10

I took from the OP actually stating late 60's to mean she thought it was an issue. I'm not sure how many times I am going to be told that's not a problem for most? I was referring specifically to the OP situation. Not every person above 60 - as I have pointed out time and again ffs

MrsA2015 · 12/04/2017 22:15

It's only natural for a 4 month oldto want their parents

Original poster

AlwaysCryOverSpiltTea · 13/04/2017 01:02

Thanks everyone. I don't think their age is an issue. They are not of the "let him cry it out" school of thought, no. Quite the opposite I think. He doesn't cry straight away - usually he's fine for about half an hour or so and then starts crying, then just gets more and more worked up.

It's probably just a case of being patient and letting them continue to get used to each other. Like I said, I do think he's a bit of a clingy baby because he often cries whenever "strangers" (to him) hold him.

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