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Original poster

Should i have a third baby

28 replies

user1491432143 · 06/04/2017 14:07

My husband and i live in a rented two bedroom apartment with our two boys.
My husbands 30k wage does not allow us to buy a small flat where we live, let alone a three bed house.
If i worked full time i would be paying more for childcare than actually be earning.
I so badly want another child but wonder if having three in one room is too much, especially when they are older.
I also dont want to get older feeling that i should have just went for it.
Does anybody else have 3 in one bedroom?
Thanks

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Original poster

user1491432143 · 06/04/2017 14:08

Also to add no way can afford to rent a bed either

OP posts:

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 06/04/2017 14:11

I have a three bed house, and 2 children... I would love a third child but we just don't have the space (or the spare money!) as it's not just a bed they require, you have to think about an extra person (and all their stuff) being in your house everywhere.

Ignore me though, because this is actually DH's reason and I want to go against it!

Msqueen33 · 06/04/2017 14:12

Afraid it's a no from me. Having three share a room seems unfair and although circumstances might change in the future you don't know. Plus you'd need a bigger car. I think your two boys now trump the idea of another child. I know it's hard if you'd like one but you need to provide them as best a life you can. Sorry.

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TheHiphopopotamus · 06/04/2017 14:12

What if the new baby was a girl?

Sorry, I wouldn't do it.

littleflowershop · 06/04/2017 14:16

If I was in your position, I wouldn't.

By putting space restrictions and potential financial knock on effects in place that could have a detrimental effect on the children you already have.

From your post it seems like you are unable, for now at least, to provide a larger home and the space you'd need in the future so on that basis, no I wouldn't. I'd put my children I have now and their needs/requirements first before my own desire for a third.

WeAllHaveWings · 06/04/2017 14:22

You need to put your current children's needs, now and until they are ready to leave home, before your need for a 3rd. Harsh but true.

What if it was a girl?
What if you lose your sole income?
What will it be like 3 stroppy teenaged in one room?
If you can't afford a 3 bed can you afford a 3rd child? What will the expense mean the first two miss out on?

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 06/04/2017 14:28

You shouldn't. On top of the small house you need a bigger car as already mentioned but there are other considerations too. Stuff is designed for families of 4. Outings, holidays etc are more costly than you'd think with the extra.

That's all secondary though. As it is your kids might not get on sharing a room. Your chances of all 3 getting along seems slimmer.

Having a 3rd sounds incredibly selfish.

lorisparkle · 06/04/2017 14:35

We have three boys and find our three bed house too small. Three is also very expensive as many family deals are for two children and as said you would need a big car. You also need to think about three teenagers not just three children. I personally would love a fourth but have to hold myself back as I know financially, and lack of space and time make it impossible. I do love my three but would never have coped in a two bed. I feel really sad knowing I will never have another baby but when it comes to it I have to think with my head and not my heart. I also know people who have decided to have their third and ended up with twins!!!

Original poster

user1491432143 · 06/04/2017 14:39

Sorry i dont mean to sound selfish. My mum and dad had 6, me being the oldest and we lived in four bed council house. So sharing with two others was very normal to me. My sisters are in fact my best friends to this day.
I was just wondering what others think as people around me have told me to go for it.
Thank you for all your opinions

OP posts:

chloechloe · 08/04/2017 21:26

Reading some of the replies on here you would think that children having to share a room is some kind of child abuse. If you can afford to provide for three kids then go for it. Of course it would be preferable for teenage kids of different sexes not to have to share a room but it's not the end if the world, plus that time is a long way away and you may well be in a position to move before then. In plenty of cultures an entire family eats and lives in one room.

oldbirdy · 08/04/2017 21:30

I would.

catscurledupbythefire · 08/04/2017 21:32

Goodness, no.

oldbirdy · 08/04/2017 21:46

I mean it would depend on dh's future and your future earning potential. I broke even for 2 years working and paying childcare, but it meant I had continuous service at work, earned pension, gained experience, and advanced in my specialism, so it was worth it. I have never thought that material stuff is as vital for kids as live, time and attention, providing we are talking g minimum standards. I mean if you are never going to advance from a 30k total maybe not, but if you are, I would. Kids don't have to have their own rooms, though I would think that if you will never afford more than 2 beds maybe not, but if it's possible in 5 years that you might manage a 3 bed house, then yes I would go for it.

mimiholls · 09/04/2017 20:18

It sounds to me like you really can't afford 3 children sorry. Teenagers are also much more expensive than young children.

Blinkyblink · 10/04/2017 07:18

I know you want three OP, and it almost seems wrong that money is stopping you from bringing another life in to your family but stop and think, really think.

£30k, 2 bed rented flat.
Money is tight.
Space is tight.
And that's when everything is working out. What happens if you husband loses his job?

You can't afford a third. That extra money can go towards your existing children, extra curricular activities, tutoring if they're struggling, day trips, holidays, SAVINGS

lilyfire · 10/04/2017 07:31

We had three in one bedroom until eldest was 12 and it was fine. We had an 'exit strategy' though as we owned the flat and always planned to sell and move to a cheaper area to buy 4 bed house - which we've now done. My 13 year old eldest really loves his own space now and I can't imagine how he'd cope being a teenager in with his two brothers.

Garnethair · 10/04/2017 07:32

No. I wouldn't. Concentrate on the two you have and giving them a great childhood.

Msqueen33 · 10/04/2017 07:47

Money pressure can drive couples apart. When they're small it's cheaper (secondhand clothes and toys) but it'll be when they're older.

Scrumptiousbears · 10/04/2017 07:54

We own our three bed and have two children. We considered a third but decided we could give these two a lovely life and if we had a third it would just be a good life as money would be tighter. We took the decision not to have a third.

Personally I wouldn't have a third in your situation either. In life we yearn for various things but need to know when it's time to call it a day.

JaxingJump · 10/04/2017 07:56

It sounds like you can't afford it. You have a choice and it's yours but I wouldn't have another child in those circumstances.

Afreshstartplease · 10/04/2017 07:59

Sofa bed in the living room for you and dh?

Moving areas for cheaper housing?

You sound like you really want one and will regret it if you don't

Shadowboy · 10/04/2017 08:06

I have 2 and live in a 4 bed. I can't imagine cutting my house in half and adding an extra person. Plus an extra child at school age = clothes, trips, parties. What happens if they all want to head off to uni? Could you provide any support.

GraceGrape · 10/04/2017 08:07

I wanted a 3rd, and have space for one, but would have needed a new car, wouldn't have been able to pay for the swimming lessons and other extra-curricular things my elder two do, and wouldn't have had as much to help them all out with uni/housing costs in the future if necessary, so I decided not to. I've also realised that childcare costs for the primary school years are more expensive than I had anticipated. A couple of years down the line I know it was the right decision. How old are your current DC? I found the desire to another baby lessened once my youngest was 3.

NeonGod73 · 10/04/2017 08:11

Be careful. I know a couple of people who wanted a third baby and ended up pregnant wit twins. It's a game changer. There's a big difference between having 3 kids or 4.

PotteringAlong · 10/04/2017 08:11

I have 3 children so am in no way anti three children! But no, in those circumstances I wouldn't have had another.

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