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Parenting

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Original poster

DH don't do anything fun with DS

18 replies

mumoftwoandover · 30/03/2017 17:43

Hi all,
I don't normally post here, but really need to vent.
I have two boys, 14 from my first relationship and another boy 4, from my recent relationship with DH.
Sorry but I also don't know all the acronyms :p

I just would like to know if is this the normal for everyone that their respective DH, because he works full time all week, don't do absolutely nothing with me, my son and SPECIALLY his DS during the weekends ?

I can live with that and do my own things, entertain my children, take them to parks, soft play, swimming etc....but bothers me big time that DH never, ever plan anything....let's say, go out in our lovely garden to play football, play a game, puzzle, build trains, lego, do some drawings....I mean, really anything with our son.

I feel so upset and sad for my son, that never go anywhere with his dad...all he enjoys is coming home, having his dinner and trow himself in the sofa until Monday, with his TV and mobile phone in hand.

I am more than happy to step up and take them out to do something, but annoys me when he decides to come together after only I decided to do it, because I feel that he is just another grown up child that I have.

Does anybody else live with the same problem of lazy DH's ?

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Original poster

mumoftwoandover · 30/03/2017 18:00

Me again...sorry I just forgot to mention WHY I started this Thread.

By the way, we agreed that once a week DH would take DS to the nursery.
So on this day, the morning is pure stress and screams all over the place. Not to mention that DH has a very deep voice, he seems to wake up ready for a battle with DS, no patience, no sensitiveness to the poor child.

So, every week is like that, him shouting to DS (4) to get dressed (he expect him to do it own his own..I mean, me too as I taught him, but without incentive, help or support)
At this point I'm already downstairs doing lunch boxes and his breakfast and going insane with his voice and the way he is making dear DS upset this time in the morning.

Today was the last drop and I lost my mind telling him to stop talking to DS like that, being rude, disrespectful and inpatient with just a little child. That his behavior is driving me mad and leaving DS upset for the rest of the day :(

He then tried to throw some shit over me saying that I also loose my temper sometimes, etc...but he also knows that I hate when he uses my fights to open up about shit that he never have the balls to tell me about, then he shut up and went away.

The thing here is that, I told him to take DS to school at least once a week so he can bond and try to be a fucking dad and even this he can screw up like that, being a bloody rude human being.

I love my children to bits and can't tolerate someone treating them that bad, specially his own dad.
It makes me think so much that I am tired of him and his attitude (or lack of)...and I would rather live alone with my children than having to swallow his awful company with us :(

I feel so sad today...I am sorry, but I really needed to vent and tell someone about it.

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FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty · 30/03/2017 18:15

I found that my children's dad stepped up when I divorced him and he had them on his own once a week. You're doing it all by yourself anyway, so why not save yourself some grief by not having to look after a lazy manchild too and get a day off once a week into the bargain. LTB (leave the bastard)

FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty · 30/03/2017 18:17

and I know that sounds flippant, but honestly, it seems like such a big leap at the time, but in reality it's not so different, except you will probably get more confident and independent being a lone parent and you won't necessarily be worse off financially.

I have ended up training for a job that XH would never had enabled me to do, so I can make money in a really flexible way that works around my own kids. I was always having to be careful with money when he lived here, but now I do fine by myself.

He is looking after them tonight while I go out and enjoy my hobby and also for a couple of days in the Easter hols so I can get on with my other job. Happy days!

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wizzywig · 30/03/2017 18:19

Im in the same situation. Its slowly made our kids into couch potatoes. Its horrible

wizzywig · 30/03/2017 18:23

And yes i also get the resentment and passive aggressiveness if he has to do something with one of the kids,eg, take them somewhere regularly. I pay for it by hearing his huffing and puffing, raised voices at the kids, then the "im so tired now i need to rest for a few hours" (ie, lie in bed and look at my phone), so then the entire day is a write off. So to avoid the temper tantrums i took to wimps way out and the kids do no clubs or anything that relies on him taking them or him having to do childcare.

Original poster

Mumoftwoandover · 30/03/2017 19:21

FeedmeandsayImpretty thank you for the advise. It is ridiculous really how they can be such a child with us not taking responsibility with their own children. And really, once a week ? It's nothing compared to what we do !
I am trying to go back on track of my independence (financial) , but I'm finding extremely hard to find a job, specially one that will allow me to move on without him supporting me.
And by the way, we have a mortgage together, which means, I have the rope around my neck !!!

Bastards

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Original poster

Mumoftwoandover · 30/03/2017 19:24

Dear Wizzywig ,
That's so true ... sofa potatoes is very generous of you... I would use a much stronger wording haha

They are a shame, they are showing how cool is about being a lazy fat bastards, sitting in their assess playing games, leaving their kids alone... os there an acronym for this ? Lol ----LFB !?

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Original poster

Mumoftwoandover · 30/03/2017 19:26

Funny, one of these days I asked if he planned to do something with DS, he picked up the car keys and said he was going for a ride around... I said "whatafuck ? The park is in our street !!!!! 1 block away !

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RebelRogue · 30/03/2017 19:29

My spidey senses are tingling but just in case I'm wrong...

It's obvious you have no love or respect left for your husband(due to his own behaviour). It's time to cut your losses and move on.

wizzywig · 30/03/2017 19:38

True rebelrogue. That behaviour is so unattractive. Its like having a grown adult as a child.

Thattimeofyearagain · 30/03/2017 19:46

Ours are grown up now, but when they were little dh was self employed and I was a sahm. Dh worked anything fro 60- 80 hours per week.
Every Tuesday afternoon he would finish early to puck the kids up from school & either go out( library / park) or home ( play in the garden/ watch a film ) Sundays were family day so a trip out swimming / park/ visiting .
So yes, your H is a lazy parent.

Original poster

Mumoftwoandover · 30/03/2017 20:22

Dear Rebelrogue
I'm afraid you are absolutely right about my respect for him. I wish parenting was a shared exciting experience, but having separated from my first partner (my DS1 dad) since he has 1 yo, you can imagine that being a single mum again was not what I was wishing for. But inevitably I am already are, aren't I ?

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Original poster

Mumoftwoandover · 30/03/2017 20:25

It is a third child I didn't asked for Wizzywigg
I feel like carrying a "heavy", noisy, loud baggage on my shoulders :(

I'm sure it will change when I become financially able to support myself

Ps: no family or friends here :(

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Original poster

Mumoftwoandover · 30/03/2017 20:27

Dear Thattimeofyearagain,
Come on, tell us all how you train him to be such an awesome dad :)

You are lucky !
I wish all dads were like that

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RebelRogue · 30/03/2017 20:38

OH was a lazy and selfish dad,hiding behind work and "I'm worried I'll hurt her",especially when little. Until i had a massive meltdown for some reasons and didn't give a shit about bringing home some home truths

I was terrified of getting pregnant as it would break me and us
I felt more like his mother than partner which is why my sex drive went bye bye.
He is hurting DD
I'll fuck off if he doesn't change
I felt taken for granted

He did change,but that's because he did care about me and DD . They have an awesome relationship now.

Original poster

Mumoftwoandover · 30/03/2017 20:57

I liked to see that.
Are powerful words and a great decision you took.

I think that I will have to men up at some point and do the same. I should have done it ages ago. I am even afraid I got to the point if no way back :( ... I feel like I don't wanna bother anymore, that I would be much happier without him :( (shit)

And if I do this I still risk being talked back and having all shit trowed back at me
Thank you for that.

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RebelRogue · 30/03/2017 21:06

That's the thing,it only works if he cares and if he listens. If he doesn't...well there's not much point to it really is it?
Is he lazy and selfish all around or just in his relationship with the kids?

Original poster

Mumoftwoandover · 30/03/2017 23:12

Exactly, he first must learn to learn to listen and learn about his mistakes, which at the moment he doesnt
He is not lazy, he is a very hard work person. But it just suits his business life. I feel neglected as a woman, and he also neglects his son :(

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