To have a third baby?

[pumpkin321]

I just feel so torn and can't decide! Myself and dp have two lovely girls aged 5 and 20 months. We'd always hoped to have two dc and I wanted my family to be complete before the age of 40. However, I'm 40 now, and a few months ago started to feel intensely broody! We eventually got my coil out a couple of months ago and are seeing what happens. I work part time and dp full time, another child would stretch our finances but would certainly be doable. We're engaged and would like to get married next year, but both happy to put it off for a little longer if necessary. It's just that life is becoming easier and more ordered with two and I'm wondering if we should just be grateful for two healthy dc and stick with that? The overwhelming broodiness has eased off now, and I'm just wondering if we'll regret not having a third if we stop trying or possibly even regret having a third if it does happen!!

"Everyone should have a third"

Why? I would have hated having to parent three children. I find one hard enough.

I agree with the comment that you wont regret having three but if you dont go and have another you will always regret it. I have three young dc and even although they fight like cat and dog i would not be without all three of them! You rarely regret the things you do but will regret the things you didnt!

Ideally I would have had two children, but it didn't happen. I don't have any regrets though, so I'm not sure about the comment about regretting not having a third. You just get used to the life you have don't you?

Well to the above post I think that is a bit different as ideally you said, you would have had two children but it didnt happen. I think maybe because it didnt happen then you would accept it more. However, if you didnt try or actively chose not too i think that in itself may make you feel differently?

You might be right. I have never felt broody in my life so I admit that I find it hard to identify with women that do.

I have three and it's a lot more work and a lot less money so be mindful of that, but if you feel you haven't closed that door then you should just go for it.

I have just turned 40 and have decided to stick at 2. I've two gorgeous boys and want to give them good quality time each. Plus I'm tiiirrreeeddd, getting older and dp is 50 with 2 other grown up girls. My career is getting back on track and I've just been offered an executive level job I couldn't do with another baby and more sleep deprivation. I don't feel broody these days. I'm more into my career tbh.

I have 3 dc. My original plan was 4....
In my opinion, as much as I love all 3 of my dd dearly, I would (with hindsight) have stuck to two.
I personally (& my Dh agrees) find it difficult to give all 3 the individual attention they deserve. When one of my dds is out on a play date or whatever I find it so much easier. Financially everything is geared up for a family of 4 so you always end up paying for one extra. My dds do all play together well but i also find they more often than not pair up so one is usually left out. It's obviously only my own personal experience but I think life is easier with just two dc. I guess it just depends on what you want....

Only advice i could give is dont take other peoples advice on this topic. A child isnt something to be debated online it is something precious between you and DP, forget what everyone else thinks about it, its about what you want, everyone is different and no experience is the same! X

You are right User, but I think it is worth taking all the points of view into consideration as the OP might not have thought of them.

Haven't read all the other posts in full but I got pregnant 3 months after having my second DD 12 and a half weeks after having given birth to my DS. I realised that although having 2 kids so close together was tough, it was do-able, but felt a third so close would put a strain, not only on me but on my marriage, so I aborted. Was a terribly hard decision but I know I would not have been able to cope with three under three.....I had a lovely but very old fashioned husband. Which meant dinner on the table and kids washed and ready for bed by the time he came home...I knew I would come unstuck if I had a third baby in the mix. It's now 15 years later and often think about it but have a very manageable 2 kids and a handle on life so no regrets. I guess its all about how much you think you can cope with.

Each to their own but I struggle to understand. Mine both at school and the thought of going backwards to redo toddler and baby years fills me with utter dread - though I loved it at the time. Pretty much all our friends feel the same - we've all moved on now focussing on adventures with the kids, hobbies, travel, work, friends can't see the appeal of going back a stage.

We've debated number 3 long and hard over the last few months and we've decided to stick at 2. I honestly don't think we'll regret it in 20 years time because those 20 years will have been much easier than if we'd had the 3rd.

Also I am sure I'll remember all the reasons we decided to stop at 2 and they'll still be relevant.

My 5 year old is particularly difficult and has been since birth. If we had another like him then it'd break me. He's slightly easier than as a baby but not much. He gets huge fits of anger which are hard.

Plus we will soon have very limited support from family and my health isn't the best.

We have ds4 and ds2 and are trying for number 3. I just don't feel done and like previously said I know I won't regret another baby but I could regret not having one.

On the other handing funding the time to have sex to get pregnant with number 3 is
Much harder than number 1&2!

My dc are 11, 9 and 1. Dd had pretty much been given up hope of after recurrent mc and then a year of nothing.

It's hard work. Bf proving exhausting this time around (18 months in). Her big brothers absolutely adore her and although dh had said he'd be happy to stop at 2 and in a way I was the driving force in having her, he wanted her so much and is so happy with her.

I don't think I could have done three close together. We started trying for her when dc2 was four and a half.

I never minded the whole 'going back to the baby stage' aspect of it, because I liked the baby stage, despite lack of sleep etc. I won't say it hasn't been tough, though, because it has.

I think if she hadn't come along - she was conceived in the very last cycle before we planned to cut our losses and stop - we'd have been fine without, not unhappy and pining. But since she's been here I've known absolutely that I'm done. Just turned 40 too and no broodiness for me. If I got pg again I think I'd terminate.

Thanks again for all of your responses, they've given me so much food for thought. I think we'll carry on ttc but with a time limit and if it happens then maybe it was meant to be. I do worry I'd regret it if we didn't give it a try. If it doesn't happen for us within the next few months, then I'll be happy to accept that - I feel so grateful to have two healthy dd's and as a pp said, there's a lot to be said for life being more settled and ordered. In terms of health (don't want to jinx it) but I've got no medical issues, and I do lots of exercise/eat healthily etc. I don't feel 40! And as another poster said, I also feel motivated to look after myself to stay healthy for my dc.

Hi pumpkin, when I read your post it was like I'd written it!! Ha! That's exactly how I felt, except I have 2 boys :)
Couldn't decide and thought we'll give it a few months of trying.....
Well that "few months" turned into 1 month as got bfp first time of trying!
Hope it works out for you :)

Ahh, congratulations Weasel! It maybe feels a bit like fate has intervened for you conceiving first try? Hope you're feeling ok

Just wondering if the OP has any good news??

I just don't want a world without cheetahs and elephants and mountain gorillas. I don't want an overcrowded scantly resourced country. I would never tell people what to do but sometimes people just genuinely don't know how critical things are

And I don't want a world without my 3rd and 4th children in it, and I think you have no right to tell people how many children they should have.