To have a third baby?

[pumpkin321]

I just feel so torn and can't decide! Myself and dp have two lovely girls aged 5 and 20 months. We'd always hoped to have two dc and I wanted my family to be complete before the age of 40. However, I'm 40 now, and a few months ago started to feel intensely broody! We eventually got my coil out a couple of months ago and are seeing what happens. I work part time and dp full time, another child would stretch our finances but would certainly be doable. We're engaged and would like to get married next year, but both happy to put it off for a little longer if necessary. It's just that life is becoming easier and more ordered with two and I'm wondering if we should just be grateful for two healthy dc and stick with that? The overwhelming broodiness has eased off now, and I'm just wondering if we'll regret not having a third if we stop trying or possibly even regret having a third if it does happen!!

Pumpkin I've posted on MN before - loads of people tried to put me off for the reasons above. If I can TTC and it happens then it happens if not then my baby days are over. If I did get pregnant in the next year, I will be 47, I've got several older friends and some school mums who have had IVF babies at 47/48. My very best friend who has no children is really supportive. We shall see. I'm on the pill anyway...

OP, I wasn't just talking about environmental issues, as in it's better for the environment if you don't have a 3rd (it obviously is, much better). It's very clear now that our children (and even us as the older generation) will have a very very hard time of it in the future, as global warming intensifies. The world is going to become a very difficult place to live in. If I were considering having children now, I would decide not to. Purely for their sake. I think that many of our children will be making the decision not to have children themselves, which is tough in itself. You already have 2. Feeling broody is not a good reason to have a 3rd.

I posted a similar thread recently - I have a 20 month old and a 4 year old. We have deliberated for a while and we are just about to start trying for a 3rd.

Thanks ladies, certainly a lot to think about. I think agonising over whether to go for a third is fairly common..........lots of parents opt for a second to give their first a sibling, but a third is a more complex choice in my opinion. I almost feel like we're pushing our luck, or being greedy. Good luck ttc tinypop. X

I had this agonising over numbers 3, 4 and 6 (number 5 surprised us!)

Have the third, it'll be fine! :o

They get a lot more expensive as they get older, particularly when they hit the teen years. We have 4 and are realising just how expensive they are ! Also bear in mind if you get tax credits , you will no longer get any for a third child from April, something I'm not sure most people know about. If you can afford it comfortably and have time for 3 then go for it.

Slightly off topic but why not get married sooner? It offers real legal protection if stuff goes wrong and when you a) have children and b) are the lower earner. Perhaps you are the higher earner, in which case I apologise. But marriage still brings security.

I'm afraid I have nothing to add re the number of children. After two I knew I didn't want any more but my sis did and as soon as her third DC arrived she felt her family was complete. She is however completely skint. Every outing/holiday/meal costs her 25% more than for me.

I was in your position OP.
I stopped at 2 when I was 40.

Very glad I did. Now my kids are teens they cost an absolute fortune, and university is looming too, driving lessons, dance classes, clothes, phones, costs us a fortune.

How old you might be when you have grandchildren is an interesting one; I became a granny unexpectedly at 51 and find it knackering!! My mother has seven grandchildren aged between 26 and 5 from three traditional family units, ie mum and dad living together. Sadly she is the only grandparent of the lot and has been for many years. She is certainly less hands on at 82 as has mobility problems (the mouth still engages though!) than she was when the first one was born. Only the eldest grandchild has vague memories of one grandpa. All I'm trying to say is that you don't know what's round the corner and family dynamics can shift and change all the time (in my family it was unfortunately due to bereavements).

We have three. I love it. I would always have felt I'd missed one without her. I think you are being very sensible op. If it happens, it happens.

Three is tough. It's a lot. I have 3. The environmental "stop at 2" things seems bizarre. Why not stop at one or zero if you're so dedicated to saving the planet?

Op only you can decide what works for you.
If number three had been like my older two it would have been a breeze. But she's not, the pregnant nearly killed me (literally) and she was a tough baby and I had pnd.

ive just had my 3rd baby, now 3 weeks, and have since turned 42, my older two are aged nearly 5 and nearly 2, the only thing that corcerns me is the age I will be when my children become parents, I'm also very tired, but very happy, as said above, you are not likely to regret a third, but are likely to regret what could of been, good luck op, sounds like you're halfway there already

Stopping at one or zero is better for the planet but it's also too big an ask.

However, asking people to at least think about the severe impact population levels are having on the environment is not bizarre.

I wish it was.

So assuming we all stopped at zero, and humankind dies out with the next generation, that's sort of the ultimate aim for you?

It's very hard to ask people to think of the planet without sounding sanctimonious. Personally I didn't think of the planet at all when conceiving my third child. I thought about my family.

We had the same quandary over number 3. So very very glad we did. We're done now, no more. 3 feels perfect, we feel complete, and very lucky.

Good luck with your decision!

Erm - yeah, okay Allll, if you like!

I can understand that Northern but I do think we need to start thinking about it because soon we will have a planet we won't want any of our families to be living on. But I don't want to sound sanctimonious. Some people genuinely don't realise how pressing the concerns are.

Sorry if I'm coming across wrong, but I didn't understand the concerns and now I have 3. Just trying to understand how no-one having kids would help. Nvm

Well, realistically it's never going to be the case that no one has kids, so someone making that decision partly balances things out.

However as I said before I would never, ever ask someone decides not to have children at all, but if everyone decided to have no more than two there would be hugely beneficial aspects for the environment.

There are so many beautiful species in danger of extinction. We aren't the only ones who long to bring young into the world.

I just don't want a world without cheetahs and elephants and mountain gorillas. I don't want an overcrowded scantly resourced country. I would never tell people what to do but sometimes people just genuinely don't know how critical things are.

I'm 42 and unexpectedly pregnant with our third. My periods all over the place and still breastfeeding so though nah, I'm not even ovulating regularly. Ha ha. I just knew. And I was. Early days so I'm taking it one week at a time, although none were planned we've never had to try and they're both perfect, born when I was 39 and 41 respectively. The other two have just turned 3 and 1 so we are going to have my work cut out. I do have moments when I panic and think another six months or so of what might be another horrendous pregnancy and of course labour. I do though, also have moments when I look at these two wonderful little people in my life and have a surge of joy that I am carrying their sibling. Those moments outweigh the panic.

I think if you are feeling this way it will probably only haunt you if you don't try.
I hope you find the ending you truly want.

If we all decided to not have kids we'd be screwing the older generations over as we need the next generation paying taxes to support pensions, the NHS etc etc. On that point you can all thank my 4 when you're old

That's not even remotely what I said though Tessa, is it? :)

If you want to have more than two children then you will. I don't think it's for concern for the elderly though

Armpitz I think if we were all like Sue Radford you'd have a point but we're not.
If population control is to be used as an effective tool in counteracting the damage being done to the planet I think we need to consider something more effective than preaching to a mother of two in lLittle Shittingbury-on-the-Wold.
Just saying

Added to this look at China who are now reaping the "rewards" of their one child policy. Tessa has a point in terms of future proofing our ability to care for one another, in terms of competence, infrastructure, service provision and payment into the system.

I'm out now Gin but I'll find some stuff that will explain better than I can (My friends are late, I'm not just being rude!)