Sport and DS7

[medicalmumof4]

Having real problems with my eldest and his sport activities.

There are 2 in particular they he really enjoys and could be very talented in. The problem is he's fundamentally lazy. He much prefers to coast along and does not put any physical effort in unless he is reminded every step of the way.

Now I'm not one for pushing children into sport or being a drill sergeant - but he keeps telling me how he wants to get better/wants to win and gets upset when he is last.

We've just had his swimming lesson now - he is upset because all the other children in his group swam more lengths than he did for a distance award. But he barely kicked his legs after the first 5 lengths.

I don't feel like I'm helping him by saying 'you did great' etc. But what do I say?

It's getting to the point where I really don't want to be involved in these activities with him as my frustration is turning me into someone I don't want to be and I feel like I'm saying all the wrong things

Would be grateful for any guidance/experience - thanks!

My DS9 is very similar he is a telented swimmer selected for county trials etc but only gives 50% most of the time only turns it on occasionally. Same in football does just enough cant be bothered to show his full ability most of the time. I asked him if he wanted to be competitive or just have fun with his friends and he said just have fun. So now he gkes to lifeguard classes instead of competitive swimming and be plays in a lower division football team with his friends. Some kids just arent really very competitive and thats ok.

Thanks for the reply - totally agree, and I have no problem with not being competitive. I have said, let's not enter races etc.

The problem is, he IS competitive. He wants to win and is getting increasingly upset that he's not. But I can't seem to get him to see the link between physical effort and doing well.

If I stand by him and 'coach' him then he is 100% better. But that's not practical or realistic. And I feel like if he wants to do well, he needs to find the drive within himself.

Tricky one when you speak to him after the races etc does he feel he has given 100% or can he tell the difference between what he is doing and what he does when he goes all out?

You need to praise /reward the effort not results (you tried really hard today, you did so well pushing yourself once you hit the wall to give up).
Alternatively why not ask him does he want to give up x or y? Maybe he's not actually that keen?

And you've said it yourself - HE needs to find the drive - there's nothing you can really do there except back off

Could you quietly swap him from the competitive swimming into something less competitive and just not mention it?

Could someone else take him if you are getting her up?

As for what to say, smile and ask him if he enjoyed swimming today.

Can't you just ask him why he thinks he didn't do as well as the others? If he's not making an effort but gets upset that he's not winning, then he has a choice - make an effort or stop worrying about winning. Let him know that it's his decision. Different if he was trying really hard but doesn't have the ability, but surely in the scenario you describe you have to let him join the dots?