Time-out (naughty step) good or bad

[lexcat]

I myself have used the naughty step and in my eyes with sucess with my dd. On the other hand I my sister and boyfriend are very anti it which I don't really understand. As other parent what are your feelings on this. Do you use time-out or do you use other methods.

I think naughty step/bench is a good idea and have used it successfully with DD1 (who now never has to be put on it) and now with DS2 who uses it a lot at the moment. I always make sure though that I explain why I'm putting them there but also tell them it's a place for them to calm down and think why what they've done is naughty.
Then I go to them and ask if they are ready to apologise and often DS says no and I know he needs a bit longer to calm down. Then he shouts me and says sorry. Then we carry on as usual. I think it would work pretty much all the time, as long as parents are strong and make them stay there.

Are we the only two on mumnet to use the naughty step/bench/chair/corner.

we use it with dd, it's worked fairly well for us and she always says sorry before she comes off. Mind you, can't help thinking it would work a lot better if my house wasn't so damn open plan!

I think whatever works for you...I don't use it personally with my dd1, I give the eye and she stops..I sound awful dont I! I have a sharp voice which makes people duck..quite funny in the supermarket

Would you be interested to know why some people don't like it, lexcat? Or have you made up your mind already? You say you don't really understand your sister's dislike of it, but have you asked her about it?

invaluable. It gives both of you the space to nip something in the bud. Just started it with DD. She hates to be taken out of the limelight and is quick to say sorry after it is over. rarely use it with her, used lots with ds but that's a whole other story!

my sister thinks you are teaching a child to surpress their feels and the child does not get to air thier views. She feels that you should discuss the bad behavior with the child as there must be some underlying problem to make them act out. I personally very never heard so much bull, so am glad to get other peoples view on the subject. I might add it is very rare that I get to the piont I have to use the naughty step.

your sister obviously has very easy children!

It is perfectly acceptable for children to express their anger. It is up to us to teach them the appropriate way to do that. If a child spits, swears and hits out because they cannot get their own way-they need to know that this is not an acceptable way of dealing with their emotions and time out gives them some reflection time.

I am all for talking to children, but believe that can only be done when they have calmed down and have reflected upon their behaviour

GO for it!

Now, I am all for the naughty step - but realistically, they don't sit and reflect upon their behavior, they sit and seethe.

I feel punishments such as the naughty step or time out are inappropriate attempts to control children's behaviour by use of fear. I think we need to model as adults how human beings deal with conflict and unacceptable behaviour. I personally don't send my dp out of the room if I dislike his behaviour; I explain to him what the problem is and ask for his help in solving it. I don't see why I should use behavioural techniques developed for use on animals, to teach my son how to become a useful, independent, ethical member of society.

I feel interaction, discussion, negotiation, suggestion and waiting for my child to mature enough to be capable of behaving in a more acceptable way is a more pleasant and in the long term more effective method.

My Ds would NEVER calm down until he was removed from the attention that he was getting.

It was only then that he could be reasoned with. It worked with him. He did reflect. He is a hot head like his mother and he needed to regain some control to stop the situations escalating.

He is now 5 and fantastic. He has developed great self-control and is readily able to see how his behaviour affects other.

I certainly would walk away from my DH if he started throwing a tantrum or even if he started shouting at me. Is that a kind of time out for adults?

I have used time out very successfully and I cannot remember the last time I have had to use it with my daughter.

Hmm, yes, I'd walk away from my husband if he was shouting, I think. We've certainly agreed to take time out from an argument, in the past.

We have ended up with 'hands on the wall' as a form of contrition. It's normally done voluntarily, it's often quite brief, it's just an extra-strong form of sorry, I guess. I have ended up with my hands on the wall when I have accidentally hurt DS1 or similar.

(I don't like to say 'naughty', and of course steps aren't always available.)

What Franny said.
I have never ever had to use anything like that and believe me it is certainly not because i have angel children they can be devils too but I do not believe in the exclusion. I think that as a parent it is my responsibility to give my children the skills they need all through their life and by excluding them to a naughty step IMO is teaching them nothing.
I have no intention of bringing up unquestionably obedient children I want them to be able to discuss things and question me rather than be scared to have their own voice.
I also think that things like the naughty step can be used too much to punish normal age appropriate behaviour that lpass without the power struggle.

I also believe that punishments like this stop becoming affective and that chidren do not stop mis behaving they just become better at hiding from it.
A prime example is my friends dd she will do as she is told while her mum is watching but if her mum goes to the loo she does exactly what she was told not to do a minute before and this girl is put on the naughty step for every misdemenour.

I do feel that time out does give us both space to reflect and come together when tempers have cooled. Then we come calmly talk about it. But like all disipine it can be very over used. Even when dd was younger I used it maybe 1-2 times in a month.

I also have to agree with the point Colditz made about them not actually using the time to reflect - every time I put DS on the bench, I have to remove all the junk off it otherwise he empties my handbag, pulls out babywipes everywhere, rips up DD's reading book in her bookbag etc so all in all, by the time I've done that and asked him to think about what he's done wrong, he's forgotten why he's there in the first place! Perhaps this is an example of where I need to keep the house more tidy to start with!!!He's also now got to the point of saying sorry as soon as he's done anything naughty as he thinks this will get him off having to sit on the bench in the first place. When we started using it, I used to warn him that if behaved badly again he'd be on the bench - then if he did something naughty, he'd quietly put himself on there! It was very cute to watch and hard not to laugh.

blimey - if my DS went on the naughty step every time he voiced a dissenting opinion, he would live there.

He goes when he hasn't listened to being reasonably asked, then told, then warned about something - and yes I need the time out as much as he does, but it does break the cycle enough to then be able to discuss things reasonably afterwards.

I call it the thinking step, to make myself feel better

I actually used a spare room and called it cool down time.

I've used a version of "naughty steps" with all 4 kids successfully - if not for their benefit at least for mine as it gives me a chance to calm down and deal with the situation more objectively. However when I registered as a CM, I learnt that OFSTED see it as "humiliating" for the child, which has sort of made me think twice. When the kids get older I've found straightforward economics more successful - they get pocket money, and lose some or all of it for bad behaviour.

its the only thing that has worked consistantly for my four. Everything else has been a passing phase, including reward charts and pasta jars.

I never found a naughtly step useful, but i do find time out in dd's room works wonders when she's getting irate about something and isn't any longer in control of her emotions / able to listen to me at all. I just calmly say 'I think you should go to your room for a minute and calm down', cue loads of tears and she shuffles off, screams for a minute and punches her pillow, then comes back for a cuddle and a chat.

I used to be all for the sending them to their room to calm down method but then SuperNanny went and put a spanner in the works and said it was a big "no". I don't see the harm in it as long as you're not locking them in!!!

Genuine question because I dont know much about the naughty step and havent thought about it(Im assuming you put the child on a step somewhere if they have been naughty to remove them from the situation) What is the difference between taking a child away to the step, or the adult going away to do something, perhaps in the kitchen and completely ignoring the child until shes calmed down.? Also what age do you use the naughty step from?

Oh luciemule, why shouldn`t they be sent to their room?