My 9yr old son is driving me crazy..

[Ojoj1974]

My 9 yr old son is driving to breaking point. He finds school tricky, academically and socially. He is at a very nurturing prep school where he is very supported. He is however a glass half empty sort of child. He makes virtually no effort in anything, sport, friendship or academic work. He is constantly pushing the boundaries with me and I am so fed up.

I'm beginning to hate the weekends with him. In September is sister is off to board full time and I'm dreading having just him at home. I'm quite drained at the moment by him but I do love him to bits. I just don't particularly like him very much at the mo.

Please can you help me be more positive .

What does he enjoy doing?

Any hobbies or interests?

Whenever dd and I went through a difficult phase, I found it best to make plans. Plan a hike, do some baking, go to the cinema, see family / friends, visit a museum, do an activity / sport you both enjoy, etc. Spending weekends drifting around will inevitably lead to irritation and upset.

Keep your weekends and free time structured until he is out of this phase. It will ease the tension between you, and take the pressure off the situation.

Good luck.

Hi OP,
My daughter started Judo when she was 5 and she is seven now.
I would really recommend something like that as they learn discipline, well you know no talking when they should be listening,no bullying etc.
Maybe look into a martial arts sport.

He likes swimming, cycling, dog walks, building dens and generally being outside prefably with an adult or possibly with a friend.
He is awful at compromising and sharing.. we are very firm with him about this but after years it's still an issue.

Earlybird I will plan this week and next weekend. It's a great idea. I can't face another weekend like this one and it's not fair on him x

avamiah He does judo, fencing, hockey and rugby plus school sports. In the summer he will play cricket and sail. He talks too much, doesn't concentrate or make much effort. He's infuriating to say the lest!!! But kind and cuddly.

Ojoj1974,
I don't know what to say , hopefully he will grow out of it.
I'm sure he will.
He sounds a nice kid, maybe a little spoilt but I spoil my little one and I know I shouldn't sometimes .
Don't worry too much.
X

avamiah He might sound spoilt on paper but I promise he isn't really. We have chosen private education but spend our money on activities for the kids but they don't have lots of gadgets (no computer games etc) and we dont go on flash holidays.

I think you are right in the sense he needs to realise he is very lucky compted to some kids and perhaps we need to be even firmer with him.

Thank you. You have really made me think tonight x

I think it is good to be firm, but what if you turn it around?

What if rather than simply reprimanding for 'bad' behaviour, you focus instead on rewarding for good behaviour? Positive reinforcement can work just as well (and be more pleasant for all). And the bonus of positive reinforcement is that it shows him how you want him to behave rather than simply scolding him when he's got it wrong.

I had one friend who made it a point to mostly ignore negative behaviour and went over-the-top effusive when her chlld was patient, helpful, etc.

Maybe do a version of the pasta jar? Let him 'earn' pieces of pasta for completing tasks, good behaviour, etc. When he's earned enough pieces of pasta, he gets a reward.

It can be easy to get into a negative cycle, so far better to come up with a different strategy that works better/differently for all.