How do I deal with this?? Am I wrong??

[pickachuselectricattack]

No idea if IABU but just got DD back from exH and she is, well, gross. She is 5, she is scratching her lady bits which smell foul. He hair is unwashed and her teeth look to not have been brushed (he has had her 3 days and nights) she says she hasn't brushed her teeth but she could be talking crap.

I tried to ask if she has had a bath/shower/wash with flannel and he was really umming and aaahing and then said he has no hot water so can't.
Obviously I've given her a lovely bubble bath and brushed her teeth.
Am I being OTT? I know it doesn't really matter in the long run but surely that's not good enough??
Do I do/say anything? Can I?

There is a massive backstory which clouds my judgement sometimes. I'm trying to be rational. I want to say if you don't have the facilities to look after her, then you bloody don't!

Agree with you, I wouldn't be impressed in the slightest..more so because I'm a clean freak!

I'd be having a word

When I was growing up we had a bath once a week. When my mum wasn't looking (most of the time,) I'd just squeeze a bit of toothpaste into my mouth and swill it round in case she smelled my breath. My hair was also only washed once a week, although it was brushed and plaited on a school day.
YAB a bit U, as the lack of bathing etc for days isn't that bad, especially if she's had a great time with her dad. However, if you think she's been neglected in other areas (love, food, sleep,) then you have reason for concern.

Tbh i would get your daughter checked out? Most young children should be able to go a few days between baths? Maybe she has an infection or something?

She is 5, she is scratching her lady bits which smell foul

Is it possible she has thrush? i don't know if 5 is too young for it though.

3 days without a bath shouldn't result in odour or scratching - maybe she has a uti?

I did wonder if she has thrush, one of her school friends had it so definitely possible.
I hadn't bathed her the day she went so it would be about 5 days. Which I have no problem with, but surely a pits and bits wipe round is normal??

Hmm, maybe I am being a bit U.

Not washing is probably better for her vulva than bubble bath. If she's scratching has she got worms?
Ordinary bath, teeth rush and a word with ex husband about her usual routine.

He is really not the sort you can have a 'word' with. It has already generated accusations of me making him out to be a bad father and lying about her scratching. I think I will get her checked out and leave it for now.
He has very poor personal hygiene anyway which is probably part of the reason I'm being abut hypersensitive about it

I don't think no bath in 3 days is acceptable and would be upset too. How come he doesn't have hot water?

Apparently the boiler is broken and the landlord hasn't fixed it yet. I'm trying not to get too involved in his issues to be honest, they don't normally impact DD but clearly this does.

If his boiler is broken, he can't giver her a bath.
3 days without a bath should not leave her smelly and itchy.
I would expect her teeth to be brushed though.