How can i say NO to family visits

[Hyland]

Sister in law reduced hours at work.

To see neice every week.

This wasnt discussed with me but I believe it was with my partner.

I dont like that this arrangment was set up without me fully understanding.

It annoys me that I assume I am expected to see her same day every week.

If i make an excuse I feel it will only result in my partner being offended.

I dont like them having a hold over me where I feel commited to seeing her every week. Despite it being only for an hour or two, it is more the principle.

Nanoocov
I don't have an issue with his family. Quite the opposite, she lives in a road close by and before the baby, we hardly ever saw her.

They are still close in the sense they msg each other all the time, as I do with my own sisters.

She said and nan, but it still equates to her wanting to see the baby every week.

Your partner didn't care about your feeling when he arranged this. This was my mils issue. She always expected ME to host her --- if your partner is so keen for his sister to see dd, why doesn't he give up his time at the weekend to be with HIS sister? That way you could definitely leave them to it

I thinks it's bonkers that you can't discuss this with your dh. I think when sil texts just reply with a yes (if you're a bit bored and fancy a visitor), or 'sorry not convenient today', if you don't want her that week. If your dh asks why you didn't see sil just say you weren't in the mood for visitors. He can't argue with that. If he then says but she's booked weds afternoons off for it, just say that's not what you want to be doing every weds afternoon.

So I am right in thinking that he hasn't arranged for HIM to spend time weekly with his sister, but for YOU to do so?

Clearly totally ridiculous. You are not a conduit to your baby. You are a person with your own priorities. If you don't want to commit an afternoon a week of your time to his sisters, you absolutely do not have to.

*I also find it odd that when she eventually approached her employer, why would she not then discuss with me and ask, so is Wednesday best for you? or would you prefer a Friday?

Unless this whole conversation took place without me!

How she can afford to cut hours, surprises me, she often comments on not being able to save and buy a house.*

Bonkers that she did it without discussing it with you, but she probably had no/little say in the day. That'll have been decided on when her work could do without her.

Also, if she condensed her hours she wouldn't have lost pay as she'll be doing some longer days to make up for a short one. If she has lost pay then she hasn't condensed her hours.

oh okay perhaps you're right. I have to admit i have never heard of condensed hours before.

Initially i didn't have the conversation with my partner because i didn't realise what she was doing and the whole not going to bother asking because of people being made redundant. Then because our baby came 3 weeks early she was in the NICU ward for a week before we came home.

Initially had lots of visits and only started to see the Wednesday pattern emerge after a few weeks.

Potentially being all hormonal i was trying not to jump to conclusions.

I do here the logic behind perhaps her work not giving her a choice regarding the afternoon she has off.

So I thank you lol for pointing that out as I can feel less annoyed at her potentially for something she may have had no control over. Despite the fact that she still should have been discussing with me directly.

I think you need some hobbies, what your sil does or doesn't do is taking up way to much of your headspace. I highly doubt she did this deliberately to piss you off, ime if you look for trouble you'll find trouble.
Relax and do what you want, you don't need anyone's permission, but do be kind to sil, and try thinking the best not the worst of her. It will make YOU happier.

some people have no-one so it sounds nice to me as long as you get along. wouldn't really like a rigid routine though like that. same day.

To be fair to your DH if he works 6 days per week he may just be thinking " Hyland might be lonely and need some company"

My DH did this a couple of times when our twins were very small and he had to work away. Arranged for his friend's wife or the PILs to visit. It was with the best intentions but it drove me spare and words were
said.

I organise my time, at my convenience.

I'd try not to burn any bridges because after all as your baby gets older you might quite like someone trusted who could let you out e.g to the hairdressers, have an afternoon to yourself etc however I absolutely wouldn't be manipulated into fulfilling an obligation that I didn't agree to.