How can i say NO to family visits

[Hyland]

Sister in law reduced hours at work.

To see neice every week.

This wasnt discussed with me but I believe it was with my partner.

I dont like that this arrangment was set up without me fully understanding.

It annoys me that I assume I am expected to see her same day every week.

If i make an excuse I feel it will only result in my partner being offended.

I dont like them having a hold over me where I feel commited to seeing her every week. Despite it being only for an hour or two, it is more the principle.

This would annoy me too. I would ask if you could make it a monthly thing rather than a weekly

I know for some people, they will think I'm crazy for burning bridges.

Or not utilising that spare hand.

For me I come from a big family and dont find having a baby over whelming.

As mentioned though by one of you, having my time managed for me is frustrating and will become an expectation where they are in deed feeling aggrieved when i cant meet that day.

She is a nice girl but we are far from being close.

Small chat over coffee is pleasant enough but Still doesn't change the resentment of having to meet up every Wednesday.

Just when you think you've heard it all on the crazy families around babies on MN, some new kind of batshit behaviour.

Why would anyone think this is normal?

Do you live rurally with no car? How do you get out and about?

Sounds like your just going to have to be direct and firm with this one. If you don't want to see her then just say you're busy.

Is she very young? Is this the first baby in the family?

I'm just remembering my dad when my first son was born. (First baby in the family) For the first few weeks, every time I left or arrived at the house my dad would rush out to take the baby carrier in/out of the car and into the house. He was just so excited

I understand your frustration, I think part of it stems from the fact this was arranged between DH & SIL without consulting you, if you can stop that sort of thing happening in the future you are half way there.

Are there any regular baby related activities in your area you could sign up for on Wednesdays?

It gets worse i had one of My sisters come down and visit for 3 days and another visit for 2 days.

His parents wanted to know when they could visit and when i said to my partner NO not really whilst i have family down. He basically forced me into agreeing to a time in front of my sister.

And claiming to wanting to take baby for a walk in the pram. So he could secretly meet up with his sister.

He must have known i would find out coz my daughter went with him.

Why did he need to secretly meet up with his sister? is he not allowed to see her?

Agreed with partner i will take car if i have plans, but other than that i am stranded in the village.

Baby is 7 weeks old and my second but his first.

Perhaps if SIL wants regular Wednesday visits then DH could make himself available to host her?

He's at work full time.
lol

He met up secretly I am guessing because he knew i would say no.

I had just said bye to one sister who left for her flight home. Was expecting my other sister in 2 hours.

I wanted to tidy up and sterilise bottles.

He got grumpy with me when i tried to pit a stop to the walk coz i didn't have time to go with and said he can take his daughter for a walk if he wants. But no mention of him meeting up with his sister came into the conversation. I had my suspicions though at the time and hoped I was wrong.

*I meant he said he can take his daughter for a walk if he wants

He met up secretly I am guessing because he knew i would say no.

What? Why on earth would he need to ask you permission to see his sister?

Coz i had family down that i last saw in August 2015.

Felt like they deserved my attention without other family coming over.

And? He was taking his child for a walk. He wasn't emigrating with her!

His sister wasn't coming over, he was going to see her. He wasn't asking anything of you that would take you away from your family.

It has become clear you have a real problem with either his sister, or just his family altogther.

I wanted help with the house stuff before my other sisters next flight.

He went from feeling exhausted and saying he was going for a nap.

To suddenly wanting to walk round the village.

Walks are refreshing. They wake you up. Pretty good idea to take a walk outside if you are feeling sleepy and don't want to sleep during the day.

Maybe if you weren't so controlling over him seeing his own family he wouldn't feel he had to lie to you about seeing them.

Or he could have helped me with the house before the expectant visitors.

Or he could have said that he was going to meet with his sister, instead he omitted that bit of information.

Controlling lol really isn't like that.

More to do with me having family down that i had not seen in several months. That had booked flights specifically to see us all.

You sound very controlling.