Am I too old?

[Swangirl72]

I'm 44 and already mummy to a 5 and 7 year old. For the last couple of years I've found myself wanting a third child but my DH hasn't been up for another until now!!! On the one hand I'm thrilled that he seems up for trying again but on the other I'm petrified that I'm too old and that people will think that it's ridiculous for a woman of my age to be pregnant again. I do realise that at my age it might not even be possible to conceive . Saying that though I really do look after myself and am very fit and healthy. I would really appreciate any advice/words of encouragement from other older mums out there who are or have been in a similar situation. Thank you

I had ds at 43 and ttc again at 45 without success. 3 chemicals and a miscarriage at 8 weeks last June. Looks like I am done now unfortunately. I am not as fit and healthy as I should be due to suspected (but cleared of) heart issues 2 years ago. Fingers crossed for you if your body is in better condition though!!

Just had bb at 45 - pregnant after 3 months of trying

I'm TTC at 42 and still breast feeding. I'm expecting nothing but obviously where there is no contraception there is always a chance of pregnancy. I think if you can TTC with the expectation of nothing happening but a tiny chink of hope it might then there's no harm in trying.

Thank you so much for your replies ladies. I swing from one minute feeling excited at the prospect of trying and then the next feeling like I'm just too old. Unfortunately time isn't on my side so I'm going to have to decide either way pretty soon. I've set up my fertility monitor ready!!! Thanks again x

I thought myself very lucky to.have my 2nd DC 3 weeks before I turned 44. Now I think about having a 16 yr old at 60.and wonder if it was so smart a decision? I'll never retire!

I feel too old for a baby myself at 38 but I think anyone who wants to should go for it! 44 isn't a ridiculous age. If you said you were 54 I might think you were pretty daft but to each their own. Especially if you're fit and healthy, you'd be better able to manage a baby.

It's not being pregnant at 44/45 I'd mind, its as PP said, having a teenager in my 60s I'd not be too keen on
I'd worry about not being there for the GCs also.
You and DH need to have a long chat about it, I wish you luck with whatever you decide

Thank you for your support 😊

The thing is you haven't got to go back too far to find that women regularly gave birth throughout their 40s and it was considered pretty normal. So I don't think it's anything particularly new. What changed was the advent of contraception and women being able to plan their families and stop having children when they had had enough.

Yes you're right. I think it's all the scaremongering that goes on about it in the press. I had a chat with my mum and sister about it yesterday and they were encouraging. I'm feeling much more positive now. Fingers crossed that I haven't missed the boat and that there's still one decent egg in there somewhere!! Thanks

I had DS2 when I was 44. All I can say is be prepared for how knackering running around after a toddler will be. DS2's now 5 and has his issues but is a natural comedian.

I'm nearly 41 and have been ttc #2 for 3 years. It's been a hard slog with 5 mc on the way and difficult not to become preoccupied with it all and feeling panicky about time running out. I also worry about not being able to enjoy life with DS. It's not been great for my mental or physical health tbh.

If you feel like you can be philosophical about it and ttc but not let your happiness become dependent on it, or not let it get in the way of enjoying your family, then I would go for it.

Age I think is less of a question than how you think you'll cope with potential disappointment emotionally. I wish you all the best, and all those 40-plussers ttc.

I'm not saying it's impossible but tbh feeling fit and healthy bears no reflection on your egg quality- and it's that which counts in ttc. I think there's a lot of luck involved- either you have some decent eggs left or you don't. Having said that, there may be things you can do to help with egg quality. Look at the book "it starts with the egg". Good luck.

Also agree with the knackered thing. I'm 38 and have a toddler and a baby. I'm shattered and can see that twenty somethings would cope much better!

Thanks for your response. I'll check out 'It Starts With The Egg'. I disagree though that twenty somethings would cope better. Why? I could out run and out perform many twenty somethings in term of fitness! I think that it depends on the individual.
I had my daughter at 36 and my son at 38 - both appalling sleepers. I know what to expect in terms of tiredness - I had a baby AND a toddler. Yes I'm sure that the whole baby thing will be hard again but this time I will have only one in nappies. I realise that I will have to be very lucky to even get pregnant again though - that will be the tough part.

Fair enough if that's how you feel- it's my personal opinion though. I would think that it's easier to cope with the tiredness if you're younger- I didn't have kids in my twenties though so I suppose I can't say for sure!

As for the getting pregnant bit, there are also some supplements worth looking at- Ubiquinol in particular. However I do thick it's worth being realistic and hoping for the best but not banking on it.

I'm shattered and can see that twenty somethings would cope much better!

I disagree. It depends on the individual. Recently become a first time mum at 45 and know that I am coping now miles better than I would have done in my twenties. What's more, we are financially stable, I have twenty odd years' life (and teaching) experience behind me and I am fitter than I ever was in my chain smoking twenties. Have lots of 40-something friends in a similar situation who feel the same way, so I do think you cant generalise either way. It's what works for you and your family.

I'm pregnant with my first at 41 and I don't feel too old at all. In all of this, my age literally never occurs to me. I think I overthink the whole parenting thing much more than I would if were younger but then I'm coming to this as a first time mum and I'm used to my freedom so I'll have to make more adjustments than you will as you already have two . From what I can see, fertility tends to dip quite a lot around age 43 but I know women who've conceived at your age. I think 3 is a lovely number and you should go for it!

And my midwife told me at 41 when I asked about problems that could occur due to age...."oh, YOU'RE not old", which makes me think she must see plenty of older mothers. :)

What lovely reassuring messages. Thank you. I'm a teacher too! I do think that I'm over thinking it lots and should just go for it. I know that I won't regret it. Fingers crossed for me.

I had a third at 41. I am knackered mentally. I would keep to two. It is really hard juggling them all and having time for DH. I do live my third but he is hard work.

How old are your three twinklefoot?

I think you are better mentally and financially prepared later on, definitely. I'm not saying I wish I had done it in my twenties - I would have missed out on a lot and wasn't ready. It is an individual thing, as Is the number of children you'd like. Just do it and see if anything happens!

Ps you could do fertility tests I suppose to see how many eggs you have left. It won't tell you if they are any good, just how much time you have. Just a thought.

I had my last one 2 months before I turned 44.

You've already got young children so I can't see one more will make much difference (our youngest was 15 )

6, 9 and14. I think it gets harder as they get older. It was a lot easier when they were younger.

Slightly different in our case, as our baby DS is adopted, but I found it interesting that on the training courses we had to go on, DP and I, in our mid 40s, were very much 'average' age-wise. I'd expected to be very much the oldest.