whats the worst thign oyu have shouted at an uncomprehending baby

[FluffyMummy123]

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[lionheart]

"Oh, for God's sake give me back the mouse! I'm on Mumsnet."

[feedmenow]

Sobernow, I LOVE the phone call thing!! It is sooo damn cruel, yet also hysterically funny!

[CristinaTheAstonishing]

To my 7 month old DS: "I've told you in Romanian, I've told you in English, what language shall I speak to you so you understand?" A couple of weeks later we found out he was deaf

[hunkermunker]

I think "If you do not go to bloody sleep I will kill myself and THEN where will you be, you breast FIEND!"

And then the ludicrousness of it hit me and I laughed rather a lot.

[NotanOtter]

we like to say 'dont be so bloody babyish ' to our newborns

[Fillyjonk]

oh jesus god there are some good patient mothers here

til she leant to walk dd insisted on being carried everywhere. no pushchairs, no slings. no car seats.

she has a rather piercing room emptying cry.

this was all rather hard, as I had a 22 month older ds.

I can't remember what I shouted, but I remember on several occasions, after she had screamed solidly for an hour or two, going into my room and shutting the door on her

[danae]

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[TrinityRhino]

ROFL danae, I'm ashamed to find that HILARIOUS

[FluffyMummy123]

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[FluffyMummy123]

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[FluffyMummy123]

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[littlerach]

Sobernow, I remember you posting about \longleat before, v funny.

one of dh's colleague's v shamefacedly told dh that his daughter had come downstairs for the nth time one evening and he was so furious that he roared " If you don't go to bed and stay there, I'll cut your throat". .
But it worked. She didn't come down again. think she was about 3 at the time.

[FluffyMummy123]

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[hunkermunker]

Worked though, you say? [ponders]

[FluffyMummy123]

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[littlerach]

Yes, and the odd thing is, he's usually a vrey placid kind of man. Think it was all at the time of their 3rd child being v small and keeping them awake too.
But still when dh racecpounted ut to me.

[littlerach]

HM, think dh pondered a while too, with dd2 still not being a particularly good sleeper.

[hunkermunker]

LOL Cod - I was going to write a book called "Go To Bloody Sleep You Little Bastard" - from this thread there's a market for it.

Apparently though, shouting isn't a good way to soothe your children into restful slumber

[Gingerbear]

I once said to DD 'if you don't go to sleep I will put you in the shed'

I hope she did not understand at 7 months old.

[ForeverBlowingBubbles]

Although not an uncomprehending baby, I felt I HAD to include this as it happened only 2 days ago with my EIGHT year old DD.

We often muck about pretending to ring people to grass the other up for doing something, eg. once when I swore about my Dad, she pretended to ring him and tell him what I'd said...

The other day, she 'signed' my name on a 'letter' she had written during a game. I told her it's illegal to forge someone else's signature and pretended to ring the police. She was laughing throughout my pretend phonecall, knowing I was messing about, and then burst into tears when I hung up the phone suddenly thinking I had really done it. Oh the shame! I had to go into my call register and prove I hadn't ACTUALLY dialled 999, LOL Bless her, she was quite worried they were coming for her! Never doing that again.

This thread is absolutely hilarious, I've nearly PMSL several times reading it, and I have done some of the things mentioned too, thank god it's not just me!!

[SoupDragon]

I've shouted "shut the f*ck up" at BabyDragon on many a midnight screaming session. however, she didn't understand and it made me feel better so I don't have a huge problem with that. Of course, she's started speaking now so I can't do that any more...

I did, however, tell DS1 & 2 that I would have to give BabyDragon away to a family who wanted her and who could look after her better. DS2 (then 5) promptly burst into tears and hysterical sobbing saying "I don't want you to give her away! I love her!". Bless him. I did feel bad about that one.

[TrinityRhino]

we regularly threaten to put dd2 into a big box and post her to China

the first time dd1 heard us she did ask very seriously" Are you really going to do that?"

[Marina]

PMSL at Hunker's book on getting your PFB to sleep. That one would sell and sell but I don't see an NCT endorsement looming any time soon
I've done my share of cussing out my babies in the small hours, but can I nominate a poncetastic moment with ds?
He would not sleep, he would not stop shouting, this was on a lovely late summer's day. So I put Cosi fan Tutte on the stereo, hissed in his face, "Shut the f up you little fiend, this is Soave sia'il vento and went into the bedroom to have a good cry.
He was still going when I went back 10 mins later. Babies Need Mozart my are!