Managing second baby with toddler

[Harvey246]

I am due to have second baby any day now. DD1 is 2... Slightly freaking out about how I will manage them both- do any of you wise lot have any advice or tips- things that made your life easier in the early days? DH will be on paternity leave for a couple of weeks but then I'm on my own..!

Pre-school a couple of mornings a week (Paid for by us), cbeebies... You just do. Mine are 3 and 18 months now, bedtimes when my husband was away when the baby was 5-9 weeks old (and I'd had a c-section) were really tough. Sling was very well used, I had lots of places to safely put the baby while I did stuff with the toddler (magic colouring books, stickers, making pictures on sticky back plastic, cbeebies...), that helped. Lower your standards, teach the toddler to whistle and it'll be fine :)

I am watching this thread, I'm in a similar situation but I'm not due until august! I'm so worried on how I'm going to cope now. My DS is a handful to say the least, both my grandmas had six children... I don't know how they did it!
Good luck with your birth!

You get through it. First year is a blur, but it gets a lot easier after that. If DC1 is a good sleeper, that's half the battle. Now mine are 3&4 are great friends

Thanks. Yep I have got a sling, thought that would work well. Am just remembering that newborn stage and imagining doing it with a toddler in tow.. I guess you just get on with it though, no choice really!

This is easier said than done but the thing that made the most difference to me was getting DD1 to self-settle (or whatever you want to call it) at bed time. Basically she has a story and is laid in her cot and goes to sleep. It took a lot of the stress out of that time of the day, when lets face it, everything needs to be done all at the same time and everyone is getting tired. Like I said easier said than done but worth working on before the new baby arrives if you ask me!

If you can beg, borrow or steal help with the toddler, do it! Mine went to the childminders for two days a week before he started preschool. If possible, keep to the toddler's routine as the baby will happily fit in as long as s/he is warm, fed and close to you. A decent sling was my lifesaver and DD has basically lived in it. I also stuck her cot next to our bed so I did not have to get up in the night (DD was EBF). Also, retain your toddler's naps (or morph it into quiet time) so you get a regular break each day. Finally, I made it a rule to get up and dressed when DH went to work so I had an extra pair of eyes available whilst I got dressed. I flaked out on the sofa afterwards, but at least I could answer the door in one piece.

A sling is your best friend also the piece of advice that stuck with me was that the toddler will remember if you make them wait. The baby won't. So where possible if both needed me I prioritised my two year old, which I think made him less resentful when sometimes he had to wait a little. Mine are three and one now and best friends when they're not fighting! I however am the most exhausted I've ever been. Worth it though! Congratulations

It's really tough at times. We used/use a sling for DD2 and paid for DD1 to go to nursery 3 mornings a week until she turned 3. You just get on with it because you have to but it is a massive shock and it is near impossible to keep everyone happy at the same time. DD2 is big enough for a Bumbo/jumperoo etc now which makes things a lot easier.

I've got DD 23 months and DS 7 weeks and it hasn't been as bad as I was expecting! DD is in nursery 2 days a week, I use the slings a lot, we get out every day (Group in the morning, walk/park in the afternoon).

Cooking is the hardest part but we have a good planner for 6 weeks and I batch cook sat & sun then something easy when DD is at nursery and then we use meals from the freezer on other days.

Nursery two days a week. It's the only way I could cope to be honest. It meant at least two days I only had to worry about the baby and I knew that then TV would still be a reasonable novelty. It also meant toddler still did fun things. We are now at a stage where I will take them out places (baby is nearly 15 weeks) like a toddler dance group or the local garden centre. I've even done a couple of McDonalds trips as it was a test run to see if I could cope with eating out with both (toddler LOVED it) and whilst I wouldn't recommend going frequently it was a good way to test balancing the skills in a place it didn't matter if they moaned or cried.

Great advice thanks. She doesn't go to nursery but I have in laws and parents nearby that can help out and take her out for the day to give me some time off.

Toddler needs to be as independent as possible for her age before the baby arrives, so think about what you'd like her to be able to do and work on that. This is especially important regarding bed and nap times, she needs to be able to self settle.

Don't expect to be able to respond to the baby straight away at all times, sometimes they are just going to have to cry for a short time while you sort the toddler out!

Best advice I can give is, as far as possible, to prioritise your toddler. Try to keep her routine/things as normal as possible and fit the baby in around her. Make it about her - her little sister, her taking her sister to grandma's etc etc. Worked really well for us.

I had the same concerns. DD is 10 days old and DS is 2.5. I just went out today with both of them (DH went back to work today) and we all survived! The baby does fit in around the toddler, but I agree that it's key to keep the toddler's routine the same. Toddler goes to childcare two days a week (and has done for a few months so it's been 'normal' to him for a while.) He still naps, loves Blippi (painful but necessary) and I ensure that I give him 1:1 attention when baby is sleeping. It's less stressful than I imagined, but we're lucky as DS is an incredible sleeper.