I completely lost it with DD earlier and now feel absolutely terrible.

[JonesTheSteam]

This am, DD (6) was supposed to be getting ready for school. She generally needs lots of nagging and reminding but is more than capable of doing things herself.

This morning though, while I was helping DS get dressed, she'd somehow managed to smear toothpaste all over her face and the bathroom floor, left the tap running in the sink, and a plastic cup in there, so the water was bouncing off in all directions. The bathroom was in a right old mess.

She'd also taken all her stickers off the inside of her wardrobe door and strewn them around her bedroom, and posters off her wall.

I completely lost my temper with her, shouted and screamed about the mess and even smacked her . We were 10 minutes late for school - have never been late before.

I feel absolutely terrible about the way I dealt with it.

Please tell me that I'm not a complete cow, and that she'll forgive me later. I feel awful that she went to school after such a row.

Jones - you are NOT a cow, she WILL forgive you.

We have all had days like this, its infuriating when they do this, my DD is 7 and dilly-dallies around while I'm helping DS dress. i regularly go up to her room to see what is taking her so long, to find her lolling on the bed reading Harry Potter wearing a vest and one sock!

Give her a bit of a treat tonight to salve your conscience and remember you're only human.

JtheS, sorry you had such a rotten morning. I am always amazed at how easily my dd can move on after I've been bad-tempered. Tell her how sorry you are, have some special time with her and make a fuss of her. Ask her what she thinks you should both do to make sure you're not late again.

My dd is 8 and still away with the fairies half the time, despite having the morning routine displayed on a big brightly coloured poster in her room. But if she does even one bit of it that helps me, and I try to notice and praise her. Otherwise I get into a rut of only commenting on the things she hasn't done - shouting at her because she still hasn't got socks on instead of praising her for putting everything else on.

And I only have one to get ready...

She will have forgotten about it before break, I bet, JtS. I used to have rows like that regularly with DD2, feel dreadful about it a bit later and creep to school (it's just down the road) to make sure she wasn't sobbing in a corner of the playground, and she would always be haring around shrieking uproariously.

Don't make a big fuss about it after school - wait for her to bring it up first and if she doesn't, just casually say that you are sorry you lost your temper this morning and you hope it won't happen again and, as eemie says, has she got any ideas about how to make sure it doesn't

Don't worry, I've been there many a time especially on a school morning when you feel under pressure to get everybody out of the house in time. She will probably not mention it again unless you do but maybe just say sorry for smacking her and explain why you felt so cross.

I have the same problems with my 2 Ds nagging them to get dressed, washed etc. When it gets really bad I introduce a marble reward system and give them marbles if they do as I ask immediately. If they don't do what I ask I remove marbles. Whem they have earnt 100 marbles between them they can choose a reward such as the cinema or bowling. It usually works for a while, things slide again , then we have to re-introduce the system.

If you were really a complete cow you wouldn't have given this mornings incident a second thought!

jones, i agree with what everyone else said

yesterday i was sobbing nearly all day, we too were trying to get ready for school, had about 5 mins to get out the door and dd1 still had her jammies on

i shouted very loudly at her, yanked down her jammie bottoms and she did a backwards tumble, hitting her head on the floor

when i collected her 3 hrs later she said "why are you crying mummy?" she had forgotten about it and told me i was "being silly"

have her favourite book ready when she comes home from school and her favourite snack and have some cuddles and mum/daughter time together

oh my god i thnk we've had the same morning ds managed to pull the sweet tray out of the firdge this morning knocking evrything else off the fridge shelf and kncking an open half tin of beans into the clean washing pile

so of course i shouted at him and smacked him, then he sulked and cried and now i am sat at home feeling like a bitch!!

I could have posted something very similar yesterday. Had a screaming row with dd1 (aged 10) where (as usual) she had been going on and on and on and on and on, and then getting really angry with me for "not listening" when I dared to disagree with what she was saying (this is a whole other thread of course).

Anyway, I screamed and shouted and even threw my perfume bottle on the floor . She was crying, I was ranting, dd2 and dh were hiding downstairs...Even more it was her who made the first move to apologise.

I felt absolutely wretched about the whole thing, especially as she was doing a music exam later that day...

Anyway, she phoned me at work when the exam was over and was absolutely fine with me, eager to tell me all about it. She has not mentioned it since.

So, hope this makes you feel like you aren't the worst mum around - definitely some worse (ie me!)

Sorry Jones. What a nightmare morning. I've been there so I understand.

What I'd do now if it were me would be to have a good long chat with her about it. Explain why you got so angry. Admit to her that the smacking was wrong and apologise, but make it clear that her behaviour was also unacceptable. Try to come to some sort of reasonable deal about how you can both avoid it happening again. Then make friends and play a game together or have some sort of fun.

Have been where you are many times, my ds (6) is like a teenager and wont get out of bed, yesterday morning I resorted to washing his face and hands, and even brushing his teeth whilee he was still lay in bed so I could go down and sort out dts and not have to go back upstairs.

And I just lost it with my 6 yr old dd... also feeling like a complete bitch of a mother.

hols this week & I decided that it's time (Wednesday) to do some homework. She's been having difficulty with maths, to put it mildly. This afternoon she insisted that 60+10=60 & other inanities which really made me furious. I've just gone upstairs after giving her hell. I feel terrible but don't know what to do to get her to TRY!

jones, your DD and my DS2 could be twins he is exactly the same. He dithers about so much it's amazing we have never been late for school (until today). He gets sent up stairs to get dressed between 7.45 and 8.00am. If I'm really lucky he will be dressed by 8.45. Most mornings though he comes downstairs without his sweatshirt and shoes. I usually end up dressing him just so we can get out on time
So i will say to him go and get them, so he goes upstairs - and starts watching a DVD or reading or colouring. Then he does come down with his shoes but still no jumper.
I too lost it with him this morning, he was pi$$ing about so much it was 8.55 and we still weren't out the house, mindees 1 & 2 had been sitting in the buggy for 10 minutes. It is so wearing isn't it? I smacked him on the hand - at which point he went upstairs and took off his coat and shoes, and was starting to get undressed, saying he wasn't going to school, if i was going to tell him off for being late then he would be late.

Thanks everyone for the messages. It's nice to know that it happens to others occasionally as well.

Counting down the minutes until I pick her up from school. Need to give her a big cuddle, I think.

Are you feeling abit happier today JTS?

MamaGee - thank you so much for asking.

DD was fine last night - didn't even mention it. Was anxious to do homework and read reading book with me.

Went to school fine today (although in Welsh costume so in a bit of a sulk ).

I'm feeling a bit tense and stressed at the moment. Combination of things I don't really want to go in to, and probably aren't even that important, and I think that's why I went off on one yesterday morning.

Glad you and DD are sorted out - sorry to hear you're having a rough time though