Taking 3 week old 250 miles in car?

[kayleighb21]

My baby boy will be 3 weeks old tomorrow. My OH's grandma died last week and her funeral is on Wednesday. It's down south which is roughly 4 hours away in the car and will be a 2 night stay down there. I kind of feel like my MIL really want me and him to go but I'm just not sure I feel confident taking him all that way, with all the stuff that comes with him and staying away from our own environment when we aren't really in a routine yet.. I've not even stayed at my own mum's with him yet. I just dread telling them if I don't want to go.
Opinions please?

I personally would not go. At this age they can only be in the car seat for 30 mins at a time. At this time I was too ill to travel and we were struggling with breast feeding.

Would your OH be able to go by himself?

YOU are the mother. YOU make the decisions. Iif you're not ready for such a long ride then say no without reservation. Your mother-in-law can deal with it. I can tell you I certainly never would have done this when my kids were infants.

In this situation my husband go by himself for the night. It's a long drive with such a tiny baby.

I wouldn't have a problem with this. A three week old will sleep in the car as long as he's well fed. I'd plan a stop after two hours for a feed.

Not sure about the 30 min max in a car seat? The maxicosi website says stop every two hours.

It was 45 mins when I had my last Baby! Maybe it depends on size.

3 weeks pp is a tough on you, too. I wouldn't if you feel anxious/unsure!

That 4 hours will become 6 or 7 if you are stopping even every hour. Each stop by the time you get out the car, bum change, cuddle, feed, coffee for you, loo visit will be at least 30 minutes. I would look at the alternatives getting the train or sending DH on his own. I think it would be torture for 2 already very tired people to tackle that journey.
Send DH alone and let him enjoy a full nights sleep, ready to give you a decent break when he gets back.

What does your DH think, does he want hog there for support or would he prefer to get the journey completed quickly knowing you two are safely at home?

The guidance was 2 hours in a car seat previously, it has now changed to a recommended 30 mins which is why some manufacturers will say this.

www.nhs.uk/news/2016/10October/Pages/Warning-over-babies-sleeping-in-car-seats.aspx

If you do decide to do the journey you could get a new flat car seat? That would mean you don't need to stop every 30 minutes as per the above guidance? An example of a flat one is the Jane Transporter

^ sorry want you there!

I've just been hunting for the same 30 min recommendation. I don't know how to link but BBC new reported 11/11/16 infants under 4 week shouldn't spend more than 30mins in car seat.
Seriously why torture yourself? If your baby is like mine will pick its moment for wanting a bum change or a feed and you could end up missing the important bit of the ceremony anyway.

I would let you dh go himself. Will he less stressful.

I would have been fine with this and so would my baby. But if yours isn't then it is absolutely ok to not go.

We travelled a lot with our DC1 (drove about 2.5 hours at 6weeks with maybe 1 stop - wasn't aware of 30min guidance then) but 3 weeks is properly tiny and it is ok if you really don't feel up to it.

That said, if you and baby are well and recovered from birth ok then I would go for your family. Tiny babies really don't need much stuff, is train - possibly combined with shorter car rides either end - an option?

Your MIL is sad and seeing her new grandchild will bring some welcome happiness and would be a kind thing to do - so long as you are able. And it is likely to be beneficial to your long term relationship.

If you really think there is baby stuff you cannot do without, ask around at MILs end. We had to travel at short notice for a funeral (a lot further but slightly older baby) and I asked friends for car seat etc at other end to save bulk on train. Or get your DH to drive alone with the stuff.

Have you read the study you linked to girlelephant because it's findings don't support what you are saying (mainly because they were investigating something completely different).

The study was investigating whether or not the "car seat challenge" used to determine whether or not premature babies are safe to go home in car seats. During the challenge the baby is placed in their car seat and their vital signs are monitored to check they don't have any adverse events (issues with heartbeat, breathing or the amount of oxygen in their blood). The authors believe that the test may not be useful because the effect on these vital signs is probably different in real life because the car seat will be in motion, not just sat on a hospital floor. They compared babies vital signs when the car seats were in motion and when they were static to see which caused more adverse events and found more adverse events when the car seat was in motion. Nothing to do with the length of time the baby was in the car seat and certainly nothing to support a 30min limit. In fact, because there test was only 30mins long it says precisely zero about what happens after 30mins.

There might be other research that shows that over 30mins in a car seat is dangerous but that study doesn't. The NHS summary you linked to says a 15min break every two hours is advised.

baby is like mine will pick its moment for wanting a bum change or a feed and you could end up missing the important bit of the ceremony anyway

See I disagree with this argument as the ceremony isn't the main thing. If it's her own mother's funeral I imagine the MIL with barely notice who is standing there. OP should ask to sit further back for the service and slip out at first hint of baby kicking off. I didn't take my DC in to the actual ceremony at all - my own lovely in laws travelled to watch them nearby for us as DC2 couldn't be away from me for long as still quite small and feeding.

It's before and after, during all the quiet time, that baby provides a welcome distraction from the grief. Something happy for everyone to focus on.

Car seat issue aside, this won't bother the baby one way or another so long as they are with their Mum. So the only real consideration is whether OP is up to this 3 weeks after birth. Which only she can decide, there's no 'right' answer.

There was a programme on recently about car seat safety. New borns should definitely not be in a seat for longer than 30 minutes at a time - it can restrict their breathing, among other things.

I would not go, and in fact when I was in the same situation as you, I did not go. DD was two weeks and funeral was only two hour drive away. My DP and his family were all very understanding and no one insisted that I should come. It's hard enough being a new mum and having a baby to look after without the guilt and second guessing of what others will think. Just do what suits you and your very young baby.

That BBC article is just bad science reporting.

You can read the full study here. It's not long and makes no comment at all about how long it is safe for infants to be in car seats.

I would probably go and just break the journey up a lot but it totally depends on how you feel you'd manage it and/or whether your baby likes the car. Go with your gut reaction and don't let anyone sway you either way xx

So what advice are the health visitors and midwives giving out these days?

Pickle the NHS ante-natal classes I did said two hours, as did my health visitor.