meeting with social services - advice?????

[anonimus]

so I've changed my name for this cos it's a bit of a sensitive topic but not a troll so please help if you have any helpful info

it's a very long story, but a disturbed member of my family has made allegations of some kind of abuse (I don't know the details of what he's been saying but I do know he's contacted the nspcc and they've contacted social services) concerning my children and another relative. we hoped nothing would come of the claims cos an investigation into the person making them would have shown he has mental health issues etc but now we have a letter and are called in to speak to social services next week

I am completely stressed out about this.

I need some idea of what to expect from this interview and what will happen.
pls help if you have any experience/knowledge of this kind of thing

tia

No advice, but bumping!
Good luck

Hi, really sorry to hear about this. About 2 years ago, my DS2 (aged 12 mths at the time) managed to get hold of a herbal remedy designed to enlarge the penis (thats another story!!) and I ended up having to take him to A & E because one of the ingrediants can have worrying side effects. After being observed for 2 hours we were sent home with a flea in our ear (what an awful mother having such a thing in the house and allowing a small child to play with it.) We had just moved home and they were in one of the boxes that had not yet been unpacked so was regretably within reach of DS1. Anyway - to cut a long story short, A & E contacted Social Services and they spoke to my Health Visitor who voiced her concerns due to my Husbands alcohol and drug problems. Social Services came round on a visit and really couldn't have been nicer. The lady checked that we had suitable food in the house, that we had suitable toys and also checked that the boys had a bedroom with suitable furniture. To be honest, that was it - we were not visited again - I think we had a couple of phonecalls to make sure we were alright. If you have nothing to hide then I am sure you will be fine. Please try not to worry and I will pray for you that everything goes well.

as far as SS is concerned they have to investigate, it's just a proceedure they have to follow, they will have a chat with you and then access if any follow up is needed.Try not to worry.

Hello, I hope I can help out a bit here. I have a few relatives who are social workers. They really will only want to have a chat with you and with your children. Probably will want to see where you live etc. They then have to go away and fill in massive reports which are then filed away forever.

However if the disturbed member of the family lives in the house it could be more of an issue, ie its more credible that he could be aware of something like this. Best thing to do - seriously, is to ask the social worker, what the plan is and they will tell you. If it does go to a case conference you will be invited so you'll know what's going on. But it will probably just be a preliminary visit and be left at that.

Good luck

I would back up that its routine, they HAVE to respond to allegations like this. Yes in yur ase its a false allegations, but 'disturbed' people can often be right, so its worth following up.

You'll be OK< just have a chat and be straight with them. They are, despite what everyone else believes, on your side. Have worked in aprtnership with many and they're pretty good souls.

just noticed you have to go and see them?
it is usual for them to come and see you.

Are you certain it's untrue? Maybe his problems arise from this relative and your children may be at risk? He is trying to draw attention to something, even if it is just his own cry for help hopefully something positive can come out of this.

In my family there is a person with problems and if my family knew the full story of what happened in my relationship with him they would be truly shocked and horrified. I am uneasy about him with my nieces now though he is seldom around nowadays. I watch it like a hawk but will say nothing if possible. Actually now I think I may have a confidential chat with my sister about this...you've made me rethink!

Anyway it is a stressful situation for you, which I'm sure you do not need!
Still I'm sure social services people will be lovely and if you can make sure your children aren't at any risk and some help can be found for your family member with mental health problems...would be good. Best wishes, try not to worry.

Hi anonimus, sorry I haven't any advice about this but just wanted to bump this for you and wish you all the best with the meeting this week.
(I'm not sure who you are but I suspect this is really bad timing for you)

My dh's mum is schizophrenic and, shortly after ds1 died (he had v. severe disabilities), she phoned SS to tell them that we weren't looking after our ds2 properly and didn't love him.

(Thanks, MIL from Hell).

We just got a letter from SS, but my dh phoned his mum's psychiatrist and he phoned ss to say she couldn't be believed, was delusional etc.

SS then phoned our GP who confirmed there was no reason for any concern at all and that was the end of the matter - we didn't actually meet SS at any stage, in fact the whole thing was sorted out within a day.

As others have said, SS wouldn't be doing their job if they ignored the allegation, and I'm sure this can all be cleared up quickly.

Hi Anonimus

I went back and got some specific advice. First of all, if it was in any way serious they would not be WRITING to you but would turn up at your house or at the very least telephone you. They have to take action within seven days of receiving a complaint you see.

What they will do is an initial assessment which normally involves them asking you if it's okay for them to ask HVs/teachers if there is a problem. If you okay this, they simply ask, the teachers/HV etc. say 'I've seen no evidence of this' and the social workers just put it on file that there is no supporting evidence.

At any time you can ask to speak to the social worker who contacted you and ask what (if anything) is the next step.

In some cases the person who made the allegation asks for anonymity, othertimes they don't. In most cases, people can normally say 'yep, it's that nosy old bat next door we are having a feud with' etc. and generally be right.

They also are very aware that they receive unfounded accusations from time to time (and in some cases regularly) but they DO have to treat each one the same and follow it up. Put it this way, if they DIDN'T follow up an accusation that say, the school games teacher was abusing your children because it didn't sound plausible and you later found out, you'd be justifiably furious.

So although it sounds scary, it's probably not as bad as you think.

DD2 once drank some priton after I had given her a dose and stupidly left it on the fireplace with the childproof lid on. I went to A&E where she was observed. She hated shoes at that point, and throw her shoes into the buggy and was running around with no shoes on. A nurse said that the floor was dirty and that she should put her shoes back on, se wouldn't. Anyway they fed her while we were waiting, and then we were taken into a side room, where the head nurse questioned me over the stratch marks on her face and back, I told her that Dd1 had behaviour problems and that was the result (dd1 has since been dxd with ADHD)

Anyway she told me that as it was classed as an OD she had to report it to the hospital SW. A few weeks later SS phoned me and made an appointment, they came round and showed me the report from A&E that said that dd1's feet were caked in mud!!! (remember she was running around A&E with no shoes) That she had dirty clothes (they fed her and she had drank sticky Priton) and that the stratch marks were 'apparently' done by dd1. He witnessed Dd1 have a meltdown and saw how violent she can be towards us and dd2, and he said that the report was complete rubbish and that he was discharging us from SS and there would be no further action.

About a 2 years later dd2 slipped while in the bath and split open her chin, I grabbed her and pulled on a teeshirt and jeans, and got her to A&E (no shoes again lol) and surprise surprise her feet were flithy when we left, but I made sure that the nurse was aware that she had been in the bath and therefore had clean feet when we arrived at A&E, as I thought they might report me again.

Sorry I have waffled on, but I hope everything goes ok, and they see that its rubbish.