Weekly food shop bills argument! Help/advice

[3boys1girl1manchild1dog]

Okay ladies here goes!
I have a family of 7... 12 week DD 4DS 6DS 8DS 1 fiancé & 1 dog. .

My weekly food shop amounts to 110-120 a week
My monthly water bill is £80 a month.. We are on a water meter and they won't lower or remove the meter, as the say we use this much.

Me and my fiancé are at war over it.. I use the family tax credits which is minimal 150 a week as we both have borderline income for the threshhold..
Partners income 1000 mark... My maternity 700 mark...

We split bills equally so in the end his take home is greater than mine.. but we pay everything including luxuries equally..

His argument is that is the family tax credits and should also be split evenly as Atm with me being at home I'm in charge of food and cooking so I'm in charge of the tax credits..
My argument is that actually that money is the family/childrens and I'm making sure everyone is fed.. I'll also buy his weekly put ups out of it which itself is £20.. He says I'm spending way too much and he would like to use some of that money on bus fairs for work.. neither of us drive.. (currently Learning another story)
What are your opinions on this? What are your weekly spends?

As for the water he argues I'm not doing enough to lower it... but I've told him if he didn't get three showers a day a water the lawn 5 days a week, we may be able to budget that more. Of course he states his showers aren't long... blah blah.. you get the drift.
I've phoned the water company countless times and they refuse to budge.
Thought please guys..

Tell him go wash in muddy puddle?
I think if you have a certain number children under 10you qualify for a scheme that allows you to pay a set amount on water,regardless if if you have a meter.
He's def being v v unreasonable!!

Water sure scheme.its available if in certain benefits, you need check I not sure you qualify tax credits, but worth a look.xx

Thank you
I've applied we don’t qualify.. apparently we are too rich

My opinion is that necessary items are paid first, then you budget for food and other weekly spends like transport, and then you split the remainder equally for luxuries. Bloody cheek wanting the tax credit money when he has an unfair share of the spending money.

That seems a lot of water. Is it worth checking there isn't a leak somewhere?

Your food bill seems reasonable considering the size of family.

Your water bill is ridiculous.

Why are people showering 3 times per day?

Mine is £100 for 6 months as a comparison. There's 3 of us.

I know it is... grinds me...
Only he showers 3 times a day... I've had words he doesn't listen!!
Says he needs one before & after work then before bed.. Ocd
Kat... that's exactly how I do it..

I'm with you. Food, bills come first and the tax credits should definitely be spent on the essentials.

I'd also check you haven't got a leak somewhere. That's a lot for water. We were spending about that much and it turned out there was a leak in one of the pipes right next to the meter so we hadn't noticed it. We also put a brick in both of the toilet cistern since that saves a bit of water. My dad tight as fuck Yorkshire man used to put a bucket in the shower with him on a morning and use the water it collected to water the garden, although that's a bit extreme for me.

food bill is fine. water bill seems really high. do kids have lots of baths? why does your DP shower 3 times a day? everyday? why do you water lawn 5 times a week that's madness esp in winter. don't think we ever water our lawn. would bet thats using up the most water.

you can get something fitted to shower to help with water economy.

He has OCD...
I never thought of a leak tbh.. its what the water meter reads and we have no choice but to pay.. how wouldI check for a leak.. He doesn't water in winter lol.. and I have told him it isn't necessary.. He does it anyway. We don't even own a bath it's a wet room and me and the kids shower once a day. My annual bill say £968.. My baby fills a little bath 3 times a week ..
It doesn't make sense to me either.

He doesn't sound supportive at all...why is it your issue to lower the water when it's him who has 3 showers a day. What happens when you go back to work as you say your on maternity at the mo and getting £700. If you need to pay childcare or decide not to go back to work your income will drop even more. Will he contribute half to childcare costs or expect your to pay it all? Don't give up the tax credits as he sounds like he'd be very financially controlling if your income lessens

I don't have a set spend for food, I do the majority of cooking so just buy whatever I fancy cooking but everybody's circumstances are different what's important is that if it's your responsibility for feeding the family the other person should not dictate how much your spending as the person who cooks is well aware of the family budget for food

Firstly, its not fair to split bills equally if his income is more than yours.
Secondly, the tax credits are presumably part of a joint claim, so should go straight into the family pot.
Is ' put ups' packed lunch? If so, 20 pounds a week is a lot, that could easily be reduced, I reckon to spend about a fiver a head on packed lunch. If ' put up' means shop bought lunch, then that comes out of his pocket, surely?
I think your food and groceries bill could be pruned down a little - by way of comparison I pay slightly less than you for 5 adults, 3 of whom are very greedy! But you have a new baby and your hands full with young children, you might reasonably be choosing convenience over cost at the moment.

If your fiancée thinks he can do a better job with the shopping, let him try. Maybe you could menu plan and draw up a shopping list together and then let him see if he can do it cheaper.
He's not being unreasonable by wanting to be able to afford bus fares to work, and those probably should come out of the household budget.
But I don't understand why all the income from both of you doesn't go in to one pot.
As far as the water bill is concerned, the meter system was designed to charge for extras like watering the lawn. Are you in the UK? Hoiw does a lawn need watering 5x per week??? That is probably the reason for your high bills!!
3 showers a day does sound excessive, are they necessary? Are they short like he says?
It might be worth asking the water supplier to check for leaks, but realistically a big family does use a lot of water, I bet you have a lot of washing! I'm sure you already do the obvious things, like only running the washing machine when its full, not leaving taps running while you wash teeth, having DC share baths etc. Challenge the older DC to reduce water use. You can reuse water in the garden, but with a new baby its a lot of extra work. Maybe DP can work out a system for this.
I'm assuming in my reply that the older DC are his; if not then is any money coming in for them?

Washing machine is constantly running yep.. I don't think the bill is far off if I'm honest..
The problem with him taking bus fair out of the fund is that it's 25 pound a week.. so If I give him that and buy food there is nothing left for emergencies. I use my wage for bus fair so I think it's fair he does the same.
We don't have a family pot because he is selfish in the way that his money is his and mine he needs to know everything about.
He has recently received a large sum of money through inheritance and still complaining he is skint.. He has credit card bills.. loans and I fear a gambling addiction so his money is pretty private..
Apart from a small sum if money spent on treating the family.. I have no idea what he is planning on doing with the rest. I know it's not my money etc... but when he is going out and spending a fortune on clothes and we need a car and other stuff doing.. It kind of winds me up.
Thinking now I should posted on relationship section oops..
I have a small income and it barely covers bills and essentials.. I always seem to draw the short straw

I think a straight talk about finances and ensuring his spending is transparent including his inheritance is needed if your relationship is to survive. You have a tough road ahead of you

You have way bigger problems than the water bill...

Don't know where to even start with this one!

Was he always like this? Yes please post in relationships ((((hugs))))))
And you had another baby with him........

What Lilaclily said

I'd do a big incomings and outgoing spreadsheet.

All income included - yours, his and tax credits. Then all outgoing for everyone in house, including bus fair etc.

Once all outgoings are removed from the joint household income, split whatever is left into 3. Bit for you, bit for him and bit for savings /emergencies. Up to him how he spends his bit then and all costs are covered.

How can a father be in any way funny about how his kids are fed!

We do the above (I earn 1/2 what dh does) and it feels fair as we are both left with the same "pocket money" or whatever you may call it, and we know everything is paid. In our house all income is family money rather than individual.

Ps: we're left with between £10 and £20 p/w each for spends after all outgoings.

Gill... I reall wish he would see it how you do..

ignoring the new issues you've just raised
...you can see how reasonably he might expect to have money from tax credits for bus fairs - although your mat pay is lower than his wage if you also get 150 pw tax credits then added to your 700 you have an income of around 1300 compared to his 1000 plus presumably you get child benefit on top of this who for 4 children must be around £250 per month unless you've included child benefit in your tax credit figure? if so then splitting bills in half is reasonable.

however if he has inheritence, debts and a possible gambling addiction that obv changes things and clearly he needs to be more open with you about finances with you if he wants you to give him bus fair money from tax credits

How pathetic arguing over this. Fgs. He needs to grow up.

What are put ups?

I'd do a budget with all the money going into one pot, then all family and household expenses out and whatever is left split equally for spending.

I bet when he's sees he'll be worse off that way he'll suddenly be happy with the status quo.

Personal luxuries don't count in the family and household expenses by the way but stuff for the children does (e.g. Brownie subs and kids' football boots are included, adults' fags, make up and social activities are not).