Can you both work full time?

[harrypoooter]

We have a 5 year old, we both want to work full time we have cover on a Friday but my partner works over 1hr away. I'm sick of putting my career on hold so he can commute 1 hr away without him looking for alternate work at home. I've got myself a good james b close to home, full time. He says I'm being selfish wanting to work FT as our daughter has to go to after school club 2 days a week. I don't know who's being silly. I want a good life for our daughter but I also want to be passionate about my job.

Ah we have very different pillows, mines solid his is fluffy. I fell asleep on the wrong one.

He's being ridiculous!!

ASC two days a week probably adds up to about 4 hours a week in a form of childcare?

Some children from as young as 4 months old are probably spending 50 hours a week in childcare.

Your husband needs to get a grip and have a reality check!!

Loads of families have FT working parents - it's just the way it is.

Does he think it looks bad on him or something? He's acting as though his pride has been hurt....

No I think he's genuinely worried about our daughter and the effects of it on her (I don't see any effects) as his mum was at home with him and his brother (as was mine). It's also I think that he's worried about his career progression as I have 'gotten there first' in a sense. He works 34 or so hours a week so he can get her from school twice a week and I think he thinks I should do so too. Honestly I don't think 2 nights in ASC is a problem at all, just he does. I realise he's being selfish, however since I orgiginally posted we're back to normal and he's got off his high horse as he is seeing how much I am enjoying going to work. I'll probably have to travel abroad in the next few weeks so that's another story and we'll see how he reacts to that one! (I have accommodated his trips abroad with work in the past so hopefully he has nothing to say on the matter!)

He sounds more jealous than worried to me.

Can I just check , how much time did you both take off work to care for your DD when she was born ?

And since you both went back to work, have you both worked roughly the same number of hours and cared for her the same amount of time ?

Because as far as I can gather from your posts, he works 34 hours a week plus 10 hours commuting while you have only worked 30 hours per week in a local job. So you have been doing a lot more childcare than he has.

I'm confused as to why that makes you selfish. Surely it's him who is putting his job first, and it's his turn to cut his hours if he doesn't want her in childcare?

We do, and we both have a journey to work of more than an hour. We use childcare and staggered days- he starts and finishes earlier and I start and finish later, so I can do morning drop offs and he can do evening pick ups. If he said he didn't want the dc in childcare I'd expect him to be the one to stop work to make tat happen, and he'd have to realise that would mean a drop in income and all that comes with that. Childcare isn't evil, your dh is being daft.

So I took the full year off then went back, he was actually at uni finishing his masters and went straight into a job about 6 months after child was born. So he had decent time (in comparison to most dads) with her. I was then made redundant twice in a row but luckily seemed to get a better job each time I had to look for a new role. I was full time until about a year ago when I was ill (mentally) and decided to reduce my hours to help myself. I feel better now which is why I'm confident about going no FT. Maybe he's worried about me not coping again..... Daughter was in nursery before that. He went P/T about 18 months ago too. He's thinking about going back F/T for extra income too. X

I am nanny for a family with 3 children (2 when I started 9 years ago) who both work full time. I am flexible when they're working away/when anyone's ill etc. So I'd say yes if you get a Nanny

Both my parents worked full time. My mum went back to work when I was 6 months old (in the 80s so quite rare!) and I had full time nannies before I started school then had an au pair to look after me before and after school until I was old enough to walk to school and eventually my dad was at home in the afternoons to supervise homework etc. (was about 10 years old +)

I hated not having my parents around though :(

Aww maccheese it does have an effect! I have a brilliant bond with the kids I look after but the first especially really struggles with them never being around

So Harry, you took a whole year off full time to care for your DD. OTOH your husband took no leave at all, he just saw her while he was at university for the first 6 months. Then when he had a job, he still didn't take any parental leave.

So he has NO RIGHT at all to lecture you about your work or try to make you feel guilty. As others have said, if he feels bad about using childcare he needs to change his work pattern to accommodate that, not hassle you. You have done more than your share of career sacrifice.

And BTW it's not " luck" that has allowed you to continue to get better jobs each time you need to move, it's your ability.