Can you both work full time?

[harrypoooter]

We have a 5 year old, we both want to work full time we have cover on a Friday but my partner works over 1hr away. I'm sick of putting my career on hold so he can commute 1 hr away without him looking for alternate work at home. I've got myself a good james b close to home, full time. He says I'm being selfish wanting to work FT as our daughter has to go to after school club 2 days a week. I don't know who's being silly. I want a good life for our daughter but I also want to be passionate about my job.

When we both worked FT DH did school school drop offs and DC had to go in to after school care. When he worked abroad DC also had to go in to breakfast club.

He could get inset days off and work at home, he did all of them I think I only ever did one.

I didn't need to work but I wanted to and now as a person with ill health retirement in my forties thank God I did.

My parents both worked FT too. I have a good, close relationship with both of them.

I didn't say a stay at home mum was a luxury Gimmee I said stay at home parent.

The usual societal expectation is that it be the woman who gives up work to stay home
So few many chose men to give up work that's it's noticeable when it is a man who stay home
Patriarchy is reinforced by women giving work up to stay home,whilst men progress unencumbered
Might seem all lovely and fuzzy for while to be with the kids,but it impacts and renders women at a career and financial disadvantage

We both work FT, and always have. We have two DC who are 10 and 12. They were in FT nursery, then BC and ASC 5 days per week. Nowadays they both go to school on their own. DD comes home on her own too (I still pick up DS from ASC). They also spend large chunks of their school holidays in holiday club, or away at PGL. They are both perfectly happy and well-adjusted children.

However, whilst having both parents working FT is perfectly possible, you probably can't both progress your careers simultaneously. We've taken it in turns - most recently I spent 4 years retraining and focusing on my career whilst DH stayed put and dealt with child-related activities. Now I've qualified I'm staying put whilst DH progresses his career.

He says I've only thought of myself and not our daughter
What he means is- you're not thinking of him and putting his career first.
If it was about your DD's needs, surely he would make the sacrifice?
Or does he not love her as much as you do?
Or is it just bullshit because he's being a whiny wanker?

Every couple I know both parents work full time.

He should be attentively listening,proactively supporting you.not making stuff up
No your dd won't suffer,he's trying to instil doubt and guilt you out.to impede your wishes
This is really poor that he's not in your corner,supporting your career too

We use daily after school,summer,Easter clubs.youre considering 2day week!
He's simply not being reasonable if he won't accommodate this minor change

Just to be clear he does not work FT, he's in every day but does around 34 hrs a week. I think I just got there first. I earn more than him, not sure if this makes a diff. I am paying for the ASC as it was my decision to go bk F/T

It is honestly not something either DH or I would be prepared to do unless it were unavoidable, especially as ours are small. We'd make a lot of sacrifices before we were both FT, and it would not be a choice it would be something forced by circumstances.

However... this is a view we both hold, and so we've both taken responsibility for making it happen. Each of us has been part time and/or flexible since I went back from ML with DC1. What is not ok is holding strong views and expecting your partner to facilitate them. You can agree any arrangement between you that you like, so one person doing all the earning and the other being a SAHP is also fine. What your DH is doing is saying that your child should never have to go to after school club, but that his working arrangements shouldn't be affected by this. It's fine for him to have strong views, but he needs to be willing to take equal responsibility for putting them into practice.

I would also say that I don't think 2 days a week in ASC is particularly drastic. I'd be ok with that for my own DC when the time comes. And you shouldn't be paying for it all yourself, it should be a joint expense.

Why are you solely paying fir ASC?i chose to go back FT and we both pay share all childcare costs
It's not fair you're solely paying,its as if he's punishing you

Gimme I'm paying because I earn more ( even more when I go bk ft)

Ok,so do you pay more for all joint expenses or just this?Is it's a prorata thing

I'm just about to move jobs from 4 days back up to 5. Dh works ft term time only. I'm going back to ft as it's not shift work so both dh and I will be off every evening and weekend which has never happened! The kids will now do breakfast club then cm after school all week term time then home with dh in holidays.

I've no doubt they will not be negatively affected! They love the breakfast club and the cm!

Yeah pro rata thing.

Yes of course you both can and most couples have to.

And your job as a parent, breadwinner, spouse and career person is just as valid as his.

Prorata is fair where there's salary difference

We do. We both have flexible working arrangements so manage with only 2 days childcare.

Do not feel guilty. I worked full time and DH worked away all week from mine being 5 months old. Neither has any recollection of their early drop offs and late pick ups from nursery, they are healthy, happy and well adjusted young adults.

I was a happier (although always tired) mum for doing it.

I worked FT from DD being 4 months old. women have always worked. it's called earning a living. it also provides an excellent role model for your child.

I worked FT from DD being 4 months old. women have always worked. it's called earning a living. it also provides an excellent role model for your child.

He sounds a bit of a selfish arse. You'd be mad to jeopardise your career for him any more than you have done already TBH.

Please tell me that you both own the house you live in and not him alone ?

Trivial point but Why would he even think of waking you and moving you because you were on his pillow ? Why wouldn't he sleep on the other side of the bed ?

Yes it is good role model fir children to see both parents work.
Yes wc women have always worked.not working was historically prevented of rich mc women
Who outsourced their childcare and domestic tasks

Kristina, yes we both own. No idea why he didn't wake me, guess he knew I was cross and didn't want to make me more cross?

I'm glad to hear that you own your house.

About the pillow - I don't mean " why didn't he wake you? " . I mean " why would anyone wake someone up just to move pillows? " .