3 kids 2 dad's please help

[Wheresthecoff33]

Hi everyone, I've browsed mumsnet for years now but this is my first post. I'm in need of opinions really, so here's a bit of background

DS and DD1, 4 and 3yrs have the same father who has absolutely no contact with them.

DD2 is a few months old and her father and his family would very much like to be involved in her life (we are not together)

my son has ASD, and doesn't have great memories of his dad.

My mum has fallen out with me saying I am being cruel by letting DD2 have a dad when the other two dont. DD1 and DS don't know about the situation. thoughts?

Thanks in advance xx

Your mum fails to realise that your DD2 has a right to her father and you would be completely unreasonable to block it unless there were concerns for her safety.

It's got nothing to do with your DS, DD1 or your mum.

If you deny DD2 access to a relationship with her father he may take you to court. It is highly unlikely the court would agree with your mother.

My Dsis couldn't have any contact with her DF. I had a good relationship with mine, and he was a father figure of sorts to her. She would be absolutely mortified if my DM had denied me a relationship with my DF on the basis that she couldn't see her's! There may be a couple of difficult times when it doesn't feel fair to them but I think in the long run all 3 of your DC would be horrified if you didn't allow DD2 a relationship with her family to spare her siblings' feelings.

I don't think you get to decide and certainly not your mother . If he wants to be involved and there is no reason why not he could take you to court . Not even that though just morally he has as much right as you do to be involved

I just want to add I'm all for DD2 developing a relationship with her father and extended family, hes certainly not the best role model in the world but no one is perfect and I believe everyone deserves one chance :)

Thank you all for your opinions so far, Jollyhockeygit thank you for your own experience, my mum is of the opinion my older two will resent me, I hope she is wrong.

Your poor DD2 is more likely to resent you if you went along with your mum's bonkers suggestion. no chance a family court judge would agree with her either. honestly how awful.