daytime naps....advice please

[becaroo]

My ds will be 4 in June. He still seems to need a daytime nap in the afternoon, but this means he is up till about 9pm (10pm on a bad day!)which means my dh and I get very little time together and it is impossible to get anything done in the evenings. It is not so bad in the summer, but I am finding the long winter evenings difficult. I was wondering when - if ever -he will grow out of it?
The odd thing is, when he doesnt have a nap, like yesterday, he is so miserable all afternoon, then doenst actually sleep very well at night. When he has a nap, he sleeps better at night.....which you would think would be the other way round!
My friend makes her ds stay awake, even though he gets very tired and unhappy in the afternoons because she likes him to be in bed for 6.30pm but this seems rather extreme to me. Should I just let him sleep when he needs to? VERY confused over this issue....

can you let him nap for a short time, early in the afternoon? maybe after lunch?

can you shorten the nap? When is he napping for at the moment and for how long?

Thats part of problem...its so variable. Sometimes he is shattered from nursery (he goes mon-fri 9-11.30) and he will sleep early on eg: 11.45-1.00. But then other days he doesnt get tired till about 2.00 which is a nightmare as the other week we both slept from 2-4pm (Needless to say, he was up till 10pm!) Wish it was more regular.....say 12-1 every day. That I could cope with. He is just all over the place.

At last another older child who still needs a nap!
We're really lucky with dd 3.5. She naps 2-4 ish. Tea 6 ish. Play, bath, bed 8ish. She doesn't fall asleep straight away. We give her some books, leave the landing light on and she 'reads' for a bit. It means she's resting if not asleep and we still get our evening together. Don't know if this would work for you?

Bump

(didn't mean to kill the thread for you!)

Just because he is awake until 10, does he have to ebe up with you two. Can you not put him to bed earlier and allow him to listen to a story tape, look at books etc til 9.30 if necessary?

Not sure....he is fine about going to bed, likes a story and a cup of warm milk, but gets very upset when we leave the room. He shouts out "theres nobody looking after me!"
Tend to just sit in the room for a bit till he drops off (usually about 5 mins).
I know what you are going to say, but he has had sleep "issues" from day 1 (partially due to health problems) and we feel that 5 mins of us in the room wont hurt for now. When he is older he wont want to know us!!
Its the nap thing that really bothers me...when is it feasible to expect them to be able to go all day without a sleep? 4? 5? He starts school in January next year and I know its a long way off but I am worried in case he is still needing a sleep, because he wont be able to have one!
He slept from 12.45 to 2.15 today but only because we were in the car and he fell asleep on my way back. Really begrudge having to drive him to get him to have a sleep..hes nearly 4 fgs! The only time he has a nap in the day without being in the car first is when he is ill. Feeling a bit fed up about it all really.

If he is 4 in June why is he not starting school in September? Mine Ds1 is 4 in June and will be going September.

Plus if you are having to drive him around to actually get him to sleep then I think you should try to get him to go a few days without the naps.

My DS1 does need to nap but refuses to and ends up sleeping in the afternoon every 3 days or so. He attends nursery too 8.50 - 11.20 but we walk back and then he has his lunch -it is early but when he attended a private nursery they used to feed them to keep them going!!

As your son is capable of sleeping at night in the bed, I think the car has just become a habit for him, like me, I fall asleep in the car -if i'm not driving, it's the movement.