Baby sleeping away for the first time. Am I being unreasonable?

[Jenniferb21]

Hi

I'm a first time mum to a 9 month old. He doesn't wake for night feeds but wakes usually between 3-5 times and settles quickly with a dummy or quick tummy rub. I rarely pick him up but sometimes around 6am he'll cry until I put him in my bed then he'll sleep til 8am. My husband wants him to stay at his sister's when we go away next month (we'll be a good 2 hours drive away). Because DS wakes often particularly I would rather he stay at home and be in his proper cot not a rubbish uncomfy travel cot. He has only been to his auntie's house once too and she's only looked after him once. I'm worrried not only will he wonder where mum is but wonder why he's in a strange place. I'd feel more comfortable knowing he's in familiar surroundings especially during the night. But my husband doesn't agree and thinks I'm being silly. My parents have looked after DS before recently overnight but at our house so his routine and sureoundingns were the same. He woke every hour but wasn't that upset (just unsettled).

Am I being unreasonable? I think when DS is one and more used to be away from me (as I'm going back to work in Feb) he may be more prepared then? But at the moment I don't feel ready and don't think I'd enjoy my night away knowing he isn't at home.

I don't think you're unreasonable at all. I feel the same way with my DD. I'm not ready to leave her at all yet, but when I do it will definitely be at home for the foreseeable future for all the reasons you mentioned. I think your last sentence sort of answers your own question - if you will be worried and unable to enjoy yourself then there's absolutely no point.

Some people are very comfortable leaving their DC when they are very small/with minders/at someone else's home etc. and some are not. There's no right and wrong, only what's right for your family. You should never feel pressured into something that makes you feel uncomfortable.

I don't think you are unreasonable at all. My DC (6 and 3 years) have only ever stayed in someone else's house with me or DH or both of us being there too. On the odd time we have been away from home overnight whichever relative was looking after then came to stay in our house to keep everything else as familiar as possible for them.

It can't be that difficult for SIL to come to your house? And if it means you are more relaxed and enjoy your night away isn't that the best option for everyone?

I don't think it's fair to judge someone to be unreasonable in these circumstances as everyone is emotionally different when it comes to children. Personally I don't believe children suffer in situations like this and our twins stayed over at their grandparents house overnight at 4 months old for the first time. The difference is that my parents did (and do) see them weekly from birth so they were familiar faces however I was more worried about my parents coping (as they were waking up to 15 times a night at times) but we were in desperate need of a break even that early on!
They haven't yet stayed over anywhere else but that is purely down to circumstance, I would not have had a problem with them staying with family or close friends, even those they wouldn't have seen very often. But that's just me

On a side note, I got thick mattresses for my twins' travel cots (as they were going to be using them on a regular basis) and they seemed much comfier

YANBU to feel anxious, but maybe it's a good opportunity to start trying some new options? He may surprise you by coping better than you think. And if he's unsettled it's only one night with a family member who loves him, they'll get by.

Yes, they'll get by.

But if it's just so you can go somewhere nice I wouldn't do it as you won't have a nice time; you'll be worrying. If you have to go, as said they'll get by.

And you're definitely not being silly!

I get why you feel like that but kids are always more adaptable than we give them credit for. Especially as babies. I think your baby would be totally fine but understand you being anxious about it.

Yanbu, however, the first time my dd stayed away from me, at 10 months, with my parents who she had only met about 5 times, she went to bed at 8, woke at 11, then slept until 7. At that stage with me she was waking every 2 - 3 hours(!)

I don't think I would want to do this. Has auntie got kids? Does she realise that having a 9 month old means she will have to wake multiple times a night and try and get them both back to sleep. Would she take him in her bed at 6?
Could she stay at yours? Do a practise run before to see how it goes?

I think it depends on why the childcare is being offered.

If sil just wants to have him overnight for her benefit then you can say yes but on the condition that she comes to your house, or the overnight doesn't happen.

If she is offering you a favour then I think it's quite rude to insist that she comes to you, and you may have to forgoe your night off.

Thank you everyone for your opinions. To answer some questions DH had booked a night away with our mutual friends and asked his sister to have our DS all without asking me first. I would rather have of discussed options before he tried to arrange everything.

I think if DS didn't have problems sleeping through then I wouldn't be as worried. My SIL has a 10 year old so she has had exp with a baby but a while ago. I agree that because it's a favour it's a bit much to ask her to come to our house but my parents are happy to come over to look after him at ours. However DH I think is annoyed nobody in his family have had him overnight but he doesn't want to ask them to come to ours so that's why.