Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Does your partner help with night feeds?

71 replies

mum19821985 · 06/12/2016 03:02

Just curious, how much does your partner help with the night feeds? I have a 5 month old and I'm doing almost all the night feeds. I formula feed. Hubby sleeps in our 5 year olds room so he can be well rested for work and I'm in the main bedroom with our baby. Hubby has the sort of job where lack of sleep could end in disaster so he needs his sleep. Occasionally he will have our baby overnight if he is off the next day. Curious as to how much your partners do? Our baby is a terrible sleeper, frequently wakes and is beginning to wake up screaming and refuses to go back to sleep. I'm finding it so hard right now!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

DixieWishbone · 06/12/2016 03:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aliveinwanderland · 06/12/2016 03:31

My DS is breastfeed so I do all the feeds. He is 6 weeks and so sleeps in our room still. DH stirs when DS wakes but instantly goes back to sleep while I sort him out.

At a weekend I will hand DS over after this 5/6am feed and DH takes him downstairs until the next feed around 8/9am so I get a lie in.

I tried expressing so DH could do a feed but I found I woke up anyway so might as well do it myself and DS isn't in a routine yet. Some nights is 3 hours between feeds, some it's 90 minutes.

PonkAlert · 06/12/2016 03:33

At the moment I sleep on the sofa with DD2 in her Moses basket on weeknights, so that DD1 isn't woken by her crying upstairs. DH gets up at 5am and comes down so I can go to bed until 7.30am and he leaves for work at 8am. At the weekend we swap over. DD2 is formula fed and tends to wake only one or twice between midnight and 8am.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3-6 months old Babies & sleep Families General parenting

Blaze6 · 06/12/2016 03:34

I didn't all the feeds and all the nights, our 6 month old baby is pretty unsettled tonight husband is snoring away next to me and I have had a grand total of 30 minutes sleep all night...

ReadySteadyNo · 06/12/2016 03:58

BF here so no help from DH. DD is 10 weeks old, to be honest he didn't help with FF DC1 either. He'll sometimes take DD after the 6/7am feed at the weekend and let me get an hour's sleep, but he'll then be absolutely baffled if I dare to mention being at all tired for the next 48 hours. 'Oh but you had an hour's sleep this morning, didn't you?!' It's all led to a fair amount of resentment and I'm not proud to say that I sometimes look at him with total contempt as I feed in the night and he's lying there all snuggled up and snoring.

Caterina99 · 06/12/2016 04:01

I did all the night feeds with DS. First breast feeding and then formula. Fortunately he mostly slept through by 7 months. DH used to get up early and take him for an hour or 2 before work so I could lie in though.and he would often do the 11/12pm feed if it was needed.

shopaholic85 · 06/12/2016 04:06

Our DD is just over a week old and he did while on paternity leave. Now that he back at work, he sleeps in the spare room, but I expect him to help on Friday and Saturday night. I'm doing a feed now and can hear him snoring next door...

Bagina · 06/12/2016 04:14

We found the best way to do it to allow a block of sleep for each was for dh to be on duty until midnight or 1am, then I'd take over, having gone to bed at 7pm. We had a terrible sleeper and this seemed to work. Dh is also in a safety critical role. Sometimes we'd just play it by ear, but he never expected me to do it all, especially when I had 2 under 2; I couldn't have functioned. I guess with your 5 year old at school you have more opportunity to sleep in the day. Dh wouldn't have let me be on my knees.

AmeliaJack · 06/12/2016 04:41

I breastfed twins. My DH helped during the night while he was on paternity leave and I was reviving from a c section.

Once he returned to work I'd only really wake him if there was some disaster (both babies being sick or wetting their cots simultaneously).

For the vast majority of the time I dealt with both babies on my own during the night. I was a SAHM
and he had a long commute and the kind of job where mistakes are dangerous.

BenefitsQuestions · 06/12/2016 04:47

FF all 3 of ours and the little one is 8 m and still wakes. We alternate feeds and always have.

He also gets up with the kids Saturday and Sunday whilst I sleep for no good reason other than he functions better than me in the early morning!

This has been the same wether I was the SAHM or he was the SAHD or we both worked. Have experienced all variants!

Shadowboy · 06/12/2016 05:05

I go to bed at 9.30pm and my husband does the feed that falls between them and 1am and then I take over any wake ups after 1am. My husband has to wake up at 6.30am for work so there is only so much he can do. If baby sleeps before 1am then he'll come to bed earlier- last night was midnight.

DowntonDiva · 06/12/2016 05:46

Sleeping in shifts for us.

I went to bed. 8 ish then took over from 3/4 ish. DP went to bed at 1 ish then up from 9. DP self employed so can have a later start.

TataEs · 06/12/2016 07:10

did every single feed with both children.

it really is the downside to breastfeeding.
but even when ds1 would have a bottle it was always me. and ds2 doesn't have a feed but will usually need settling, still me.

my oh works 14hour days 6 days a week, often away from home tho, so we are all shattered in our house

TheGrandTourOfMyArse · 06/12/2016 08:08

We shared the nights as equally as we could. That's one of the many reasons why I chose not to breastfeed in the end. We took it in turns to get the lie in on a weekend (still do, though I get it more often as dh is a super light sleeper and wakes at the fart of a worm).

GinIsIn · 06/12/2016 08:16

DC1 due in Feb and I'm not expecting DH to be able to help with the night feeds once he's gone back from paternity - he already gets up at 5 for a 2 hour commute each way, and is a really heavy sleeper whereas I am a really light sleeper, so I would be awake anyway and would have to get up to make sure he woke up!

He will definitely do weekend mornings though - he's a morning person - and as I have tendencies towards insomnia and wake frequently at night anyway it seems pointless to plan for him to miss sleep too!

Ohdearducks · 06/12/2016 08:23

I'm breastfeeding so do all the feeds but DP will get up and hand the baby to me. If he knows I'm particularly exhausted one night he'll plan to get up and bottle feed expressed milk from the freezer but I try not to do that too much because I can't stand to listen to her crying waiting for milk when I can just feed her myself but I must admit if I know he's going to get up I find it much easier to shut off to her cries and will sometimes sleep through it

Ohdearducks · 06/12/2016 08:23

Bloody hell could've used a couple of commas there!

milkshakeandmonstermunch · 06/12/2016 08:31

Bf a 6 week old here so I do all the night feeds. DH sleeps in "our room" undisturbed. I sleep in a bed in the nursery with the baby. I did the same with our 3yo (who usually joins the baby and I during the night).

6wo woke every hour last night so I'm pretty tired but I've been tired for 3 years now and have just got used to it. Each household has different needs. DH needs to be well rested or he can't do his job.

mumchkin · 06/12/2016 10:36

We alternate nights with the monitor now we're both back working... but 11 month old mostly sleeps through at the moment, unless he's ill. Weirdly I feel tireder after the nights I'm not on 'duty' and have had a really good sleep - it's like my body wants more :)

Original poster

mum19821985 · 06/12/2016 11:10

Thanks everyone. It's interesting to see what works for everyone. Hubby was off for 3 (lovely) weeks 2 months ago and we did one night each with the baby. It was amazing! Lol. He's a charge nurse and has big responsibilities. A mistake could be critical so he has to sleep. It's very easy to resent him when I hear him snoring away at 3am! He does take our baby down at 7am so I can get an hours sleep but most of the time he leaves the house at 6am and that's not possible. Hoping my little monkey will sleep better tonight. I keep telling myself "this too shall pass" lol

OP posts:

namechangedtoday15 · 06/12/2016 11:13

My H helped every single night.

I was breastfeeding twins - Twin 1 would grumble, he'd get him up, change his nappy and pass to me for feeding. I'd feed Twin 1, he'd get Twin 2 up & change nappy. I'd pass Twin 1 to him for winding and settling whilst I fed Twin 2. H would go back to sleep then, I'd wind and settle Twin 2 and go back to sleep. H had a 100 mile round trip commute and a long day but he still wanted to be involved. I breastfed for a year and that was our routine throughout.

When number 3 arrived, I was slightly more relaxed and she had a bottle of expressed breast milk from quite early on. H and I slept in separate rooms for a while to get more sleep - he'd go to bed at say 11pm, I'd have Number 3 with me until after she'd had a feed at about 3am. I'd then take her through to H to settle and he'd keep her with him until she either woke for a feed or he was going to work.

Original poster

mum19821985 · 06/12/2016 11:13

I do get the odd night sometimes once a week of uninterrupted sleep. However I find myself listening for every little noise and if hubby is having a bad time with the baby I can't just lie there and listen to him cry. Gah!

OP posts:

LittleBee23 · 06/12/2016 12:36

Dd1 was a dreadful sleeper and hubby did help as I ended up very run down with so little sleep. We used to do night about and then when it got really bad we did shifts so we at least each got a stretch of sleep.

Dd2 was a much better sleeper and hubby used to stay up and do her 11pm feed and I would go to bed at 9 and I would do the 2am and 5am feeds during the week. She fed quickly and went over straight away so it was quite easy. Dd1 didn't want a night feed after 8 weeks but wokenevery 45 mins all night every night for 6 months so I couldn't have done it alone.

I do think a lot of guys just cop out of the night stuff and then when the woman goes back to work they still don't help.

CottonSock · 06/12/2016 12:40

I'm in a similar position, but breastfeeding so less choice (little lady won't take a bottle). Dh is a surgeon and I would rather he be sleeping as I'm awake anyway. It's bloody exhausting but he tries to give me a rest if she's up early on weekends, or taking toddler out.

Sparrowlegs248 · 06/12/2016 12:43

Ds was ebf so it was all down to me. He's 16 months old now and has recently stopped night feeds. Dh's contribution is getting up and bringing ds into bed when he wakes. I haven't had a lay in since he was born.

Flip

1 2 3