Are we babying our pre-schoolers and beyond? (rant alert)

[Clary]

This has been bugging me for a while. I actually agree with another poster about not introducing PS2 etc too early, but OTOH, what is going on here:

• Child at DS2's nursery school who is aged 4.5 (no SN) is regularly pushed the 10-min walk home in his buggy. Also know loads of 3yos who go everywhere by buggy, even short distances.

• At craft activity at museum, one child (aged maybe 3) sat there while mother did entire cutting and sticking activity for him. Another had done some fabulous cutting out. How old are you? I asked in alarm (much better effort that my DS1 could manage). I'm 7, is the reply, but my mum did the cutting out for me. Whaaaat?

• The reception class children in school are taken in to the classes by their parents - but I am always amazed by the mums who take off and hang up coats, take out water bottles, put snacks into snack tray etc. Can their lo not do this?

No wonder the 4.5yos in our reception class can't put on their coats or manage the climbing frame. Our children may be little, and I'm all for them enjoying their childhood, but they also need to claim some independence, preferably before they start school, or they just won't know what's hit them. What does anyone else think?

i am with clary - we pussyfoot round them until 8 and then pop them in a cropped top

I disagree... 15min walk equals just over a mile & that is not a short distance for a 2 1/2yr old to walk!

Re the museum craft activity, my MIL said something similar about an activity at a castle where she is a volunteer. She was amazed how many mums actually did the activity themselves while their children watched.

However I don't think we can really tell whether it's a difference that has happened over time or a difference in parenting styles - there have always been parents who have seemed a bit too embarrassingly heavily involved with their kids' activities.

There are probably lots of reasons for the buggy thing, but I think people's lives being more pressured these days is probably part of it.

I don't get what the big deal is about buggies.

What about the 4 year olds who are regularly strapped into cars for the shortest of journeys?

At least in the buggy the child is seeing round them, getting fresh air and absorbing a bit about road sense etc.

Car or Buggy...same difference!

We had a school helper when I was at school, who used to do baking 'with' us.

In fact, we used to be made to sit on a kitchen stool and watch, while she did it. And if we were very very good, we would be allowed to pass her the equipment

My mum stopped paying for baking ingredients, saying she wasn't paying for a grown woman to make fairy cakes.

Well, except that cars are destroying the environment...

Environmental issues aside...Car or buggy...None of the two encourage a childs physical development!

Nobody can get this right for all watchers (judgers).

And no watcher (judger) can know the full set of circs surrounding the seeming "babying".

Can I just say in defense of older kids in buggies that I only passed my driving test in December, before that my ds (aged 4) and I used to walk everywhere. Sometimes a good 50 minute walk to friends houses. Now a 4 year old can not wlak for 50 mins without moaning and whining, so he used to walk as far as he could, but I'd take the buggy for when he wanted a rest. It saved his legs and my sanity.

nah can't do it..don't care enough

walking/dummies/coats/suspect they'll all get there at some point.

we use the bus

Clary I agree with you. My ds is older (7), but I am amazed about mums taking them to school. Most days now I drive him to the parking area (I'm disabled so the walk from home is too far for me), where he gets out and takes himself the last 20 yards into school. I can't see him all the way, but I trust him to get himself into school, and he is pleased to have gained that bit of independence.

Yet he has a school-mate who lives just next to the parking area. His mum takes him to (and fetches him back from) the school playground every day. He doesn't have a road to cross, he couldn't possibly get lost but ..... My mum walked to and from school a quarter of a mile on her own after her first day, when she was five!!

I'm also astounded that my ds seems to be the only one who packs his own lunch bag in the morning (I will have made his sandwich), or has to get his own trunks and towel together on school swimming days, find his library book on library days, etc.

To be honest ds would like to start walking to school from home on his own, but part of me says I'd be slated by the playground mafia if I let him.

Why is everyone so bothered about what other people do with their dcs? We don't know the reasons for the way people do things, and I don't think it's any of my business. As a teacher in a former life, I found that they were all different, all did things at different times, but that they all (mostly) got there in the end...
I'm beginning to realise how much criticism must go on behind my back. Good thing I don't care much what people think As long as I'm doing my best for my dd then I can't do more.

actually there is no need for children to start school until they're five. I think f/t school at four is bonkers, and expecting our children to be "independent" by that age is bonkers too

hotandbothered - I think the aim of the thread is not to judge individuals, which I would agree with you is wrong and a bit pointless, but to discuss whether there is a general social trend here, which there may well be. Only it's very hard to do that without referring to individual cases.

I went at 3, loved it

Just a point about mums who do the activities 'for' their children - a lot of mums who may not have had much of a childhood, either throuhg deprivation or over pushy parents, exhibit that sort of behaviour - it's first opportunity they have to do something fun and creative.

Also you assume that the 4.5 yr has no special needs - how can you be sure? S/he may have an unseen medical condition.

Agree with the general gist of the OP but we need to be careful not to judge without getting our facts straight.

yes, but not all children do
imo and ime, most reception children at the end of the day are over tired, overhungry, dehydrated and grumpy.

I would let her do craft stuff herself.

And the only time she was ever in a buggy at age 4 was if we went to Meadowhall for the day. I couldn't have expected herto walk around all day and keep up with me

my ds walked everywhere from just after his 2nd birthday. He went in buggy at weekends when dh was there but during the week he had to walk. And he'd been allowed to walk places from the time he actually was able to walk - I just gradually increased the distance until he no longer needed to go into the baby carrier. but by the time he was 2 he was too heavy for the carrier so walking was his only option. if we had to walk any distance we got the buss.

IMO children don't walk anywhere because they don't have to. if we allow them to walk as soon as they can and make allowances for getting tired etc, instead of carrying/pushing them everywhere until they get too heavy, it becomes part of the norm for them and they don't think to protest.

My ds never protested about having to walk anywhere - ever, but maybe if I'd waited till he was 3 he would have.

so judge me.

But every child is different..my eldest ds walked everywhere from 2.5....dd walks but tires and does need the buggy, although other times where I can I make her walk. DS who is 16 mths is encouraged to walk as much as we can while out, hopefully he will be out of the buggy by the time he is 2 1/2, but there again at that point I will be doing a school/nursery run 3 times a day, nearly a mile in each direction...so maybe not! And if he is, I will have to kiss goodbye to my buggy addiction!

wannabe - it's great that your 2 year old dropped his buggy at that age, and that if you walked any appreciable distance you simply got the bus.

If I didn't have 2 dogs requiring decent exercise (2-3 miles walk at brisk pace)I would have adopted the same policy. However I can't catch the bus with them and since ds has to join the dogs and I on our walks - he needs his buggy; rising 3 or not!

I agree that on the whole from around 2.5 children should be encouraged to walk and reduce their dependence upon buggies. However a blanket assumption (not your blanket assumption wannabe, granted) that all 3yrs + in buggies who don't have special needs is wrong - is just stupid and inaccurate.

punctuation would have helped that last sentence!

If you want your children to walk from 2- 2.5y then do that. If you're okay with them in a pushchair then that's fine too. Whichever one you choose for yourself, great. I can't see the point of judging someone else for doing it a different way. As long as it doesn't harm anybody and nobody is stopping you doing it your way, what's the problem?