NCT group didn't work out - anyone with similar experience?

[MeBaby]

So my NCT group was a dismal failure. I signed up with high hopes of meeting my mum squad and women that would support each other through that sleep deprived newborn haze into how do I keep this little human alive and entertained phase and well beyond that. I was missold and hoped for friends that I would go on nights out with, have coffee with, play dates and superhero themed parties with. Possibly even the odd holiday.

None of this happened. Our group didn't mesh as a whole and no one in the group seems to fussed. Two of the girls have made a strong friendship which is great but us others just have a £300 odd hole in our pockets.

I feel like I've missed out on the NCT bandwagon and some life affirming friendships. I have worked hard to make good friends else where (using mush, baby groups, twitter and classes) and I'm going back to work soon but it's still bothering me!

Has anyone else had the same experience recently? Are your NCT friends what you hoped?

P.S. If you got on with your group and they are your mum squad please don't let me know on the post as it will make me feel worse! I am very happy for you tho x

Ours worked well enough for the first year or so. But 2 went back to work FT, so couldn't come to meet ups regularly, 1 moved away, 2 are a bit shit at replying to messages/invites if it doesn't really interest them. It then gets harder when DC2's arrive and all the DC1's are in childcare/preschool on different days.

I've made other mum friends at various classes and playgroups locally, which is easier as we all live in the same area. But I am a teeny bit jealous of friends in groups who still all meet up 4-5 years on. Just keep getting out there and chatting to people but as I know how lonely it can be

Same here. I see a couple of them infrequently but found my friends at a postnatal exercise class and one from just repeatedly walking past each other in the street. I have one super lady from an NCT social, not the classes, and you don't need to be a member to go to the socials. But it took time and effort to keep going and meeting people and persevering with a relationship even if at first it felt like we had nothing in common beyond sore fannies and new babies!

MeBaby I just saw you are going back to work full time. Is it going to be normal office hours or shift? In my area, most mums don't work full time. If that's the case, you will feel sidelined by your DC's nursery and school friend's mums as well because they all do things during the week. Usually friday as they all seem to be off that day. However it hasn't affected DC1's friendship. She told me everyday she's played with X and Y and Z at playtime, despite her not having playdates.

I can see there are lots of posts here talking about school mum friends. I just want to pre-warn you in case your expectation has been raised too high again. It sounds like you are actively trying to find your tribe and I'm sure you will.

My oldest is in Y1. I expect it will change once they are older. At this age, weekends are all family time, and they go to bed very early in the evenings.

Me too. They were all nice people, and I'm happy to chat to them when we bump into each other at soft play, but we didn't become proper friends. I think a couple of the ladies who live really close to each other did become proper friends, but the group didn't gel as a whole. We met for coffee every few weeks until the babies were about 6 months old, but that fizzled when we started to go back to work. I now live round the corner from one of the families. I arranged to meet the mum and little girl at a local event, we had half an hour of friendly but stilted conversation and that was that. It's disappointing but it much I can do about it. I was usually the one arranging meet-ups, so I think I did all I could.

Friends from NCT classes can be somewhat artificial, in that all you have in common is that your babies will be born at around the same time. For a year or two, your child is likely your main focus, as the child grows up and you can think about other things - career, hobbies etc - the interest appeal of the other people in an NCT can wane. Our group was for due dates in August and Sept, so there was soon a divide as half the babies started preschool and then school a year earlier than others.

NCT doesn't seem to be that big a thing in Northern Ireland. I went to the two freebie classes at the hospital but there was very little interaction between people - no one seemed to speak other than to their DH/DP!

I've joined baby groups and the mum's all make idle chit chat, mainly about babies, but their is no contact outside of the group of and no contact details have been shared.

Most of my friends have children who are older rather than babies/toddlers. Maternity leave can be quite lonely - am not sure if I'll ever end up with a mum tribe!

My NCT group never really gelled. We invite each other to the DC birthday parties (DC now two) but that's it really. It's a shame but hardly that surprising that 6 randoms who happened to be having babies at the same time didn't turn out to be kindred spirits. I made a couple of good mum friends at playgroups, but mainly my best friends are still the best friends I always had, no 'mum squad'.

My NCT group sucked too. Even my husband didn't really like anyone either. Any londoners that want to meet for a coffee? My baby is 7 weeks now.

NCT is wack. £300+ quid to be told NOTHING about induction which is what I ended up with and f-me it lasted days.

I didn't gel with my group. They were just not "my people"; I'd recently moved from a very different area to the one I live in now and we had nothing - NOTHING in common.

Baby fitness classes were my saving grace and ironically I'm now quite chummy with one of my NCT mums that went along to the classes there too. The babies are nearly a year now and I think our already slow-going group will grind to a halt in a few weeks.

As a PP said, it's not money down the drain as NHS classes are a lot more impersonal - but if I could wind back the clock and see what my labour would be like and how little return I'd get on my NCT investment I'd have just gone to the NHS classes instead and spent the £300 on - I dunno - crisps or something.

No lie.. mine was kind of stupid. She kept saying no first time mother is ever early, waters don't break dramatically etc etc. My labour was completely different to anything she taught.

I was told by people not to bother with NCT as they aren't very good for multiple pregnancies/births (I had twins)

Someone else I know with twins said that her NCT class was useless - the class leader knew nothing about twin pregnancy or birth and kept on about home birth etc and saying "oh, this won't apply to you"

I didn't join it with the expectation of making friends tbh, and didn't. I saw it as a little pre-baby training course really. Didn't have much in common with the others in the group, don't think anyone stayed in touch.

My nct class well taught. The only gripe I had was that it obsessed too much on different types of pain relief, birthing positions rather than baby care. Breastfeeding was presented as something lovely and natural. The reality is that most of the group ended up bottle feeding as they were just not prepared for how difficult establishing breastfeeding can be.

I'm with you OP. My NCT group was pretty mixed - I've made one good friend, the others I wouldn't be too upset if we lost touch. One was a bit odd and really competitive - she asked what she had to do to make sure her baby got a rating of 10 at the APGAR test .

I made a good friend at a baby massage course and now that DD1 is at nursery, I'm quite friendly with some of the mums, all of whom I find I click with better than my NCT group.

So keep going to lots of different groups until you find some pals.

I gatecrashed another NCT group when DC was 2!

Just go to everything & speak to everyone and eventually you'll find your tribe.

Didn't bother with nct as I'm a medic and didn't want to pay to have my non medic husband taught inaccurate or lacking information about birth. I deal with it daily at work so had an idea myself. Also I was having a ELCS so knew it was pointless. We did nhs classes to "meet" people. They were fine and lovely met up post birth etc. We ended up moving area anyway so I am glad I didn't wast my money.
I have also found nct groups rather irritating to be around I now have 3 DC the last 2 born in new area. Every group I have been to has a little posse of nct mums who only talk to each other. I even had a lady in post natal yoga get up from next to me to move to other side of room, as her nct group had arrived. Honestly I don't smell.
I seem to have made friends with mums from groups and school mums. Lots of bonding over rolled eyes at nct first time mums has got me a great friend also on no3. We were not worth talking to at baby sensory apparently as not in the nct group.

The mums in my NCT group were mostly medics. Come to think of it, that might have been why the information I got was so good. It was quite interesting - the doctors were mostly really scared of giving birth, having spent time dealing with births gone wrong without ever having one that went well.

I think the quality if nct class depends a lot on the teacher. Giving birth is not a medical illness and it's as natural as having sex. My nct teacher helped realise that the human race would be extinct if the majority of women were not capable of giving birth naturally.

I learnt about active birth and what I could do to maximise my chances of the type of birth I wanted. I also learnt about c sections, different types of pain relief and what to expect. The course helped me not to feel scared.

I wasn't able to do an NHS ante natal course. I had moved area and was told there were not any places. With my second pregnancy there was two sessions offered at 2.30pm in the afternoon with no crèche.

Thanks again everyone for your posts! So good to know this is a common occurrence!

Really love

While I agree that the NCT didn't really help you with birth unless you were all natural (I was induced and didn't know what the hell was happening due to the lack of info on the course!), be good to have the focus of this thread for all those whose NCT groups didn't work out so we know there's some hope at the end of the tunnel making mum friends. The suggestions on how to make mum friends are great. Going to put a lot of them into practice x

I've done NCT three times once for each baby and have had really different experiences with the people in the classes. I really like having people to hang out with who are also on mat leave.

Interestingly though, from my first class no one is still in touch except me with another lady. We barely saw each other during our maternity leaves but we were the only two who went back to work full time and bonded over the childcare/guilt struggles. So I still see her regularly now but we weren't friends at all during maternity leave. So there might still be hope for them yet Op!

I didn't do nct as I couldn't justify the cost. If I were going to do it it would have been to learn about parenting, it didn't even occur to me it was a way to meet other mums.

As it happens I did the free NHS postnatal course and it was there that I met my mum friends, plus another from a stay and play group. 2 years later and I still see them almost every week.

You will most definitely pick up friends once the baby is born, don't worry that it didn't happen at nct.

Haven't read the whole thread but I would contact your branch. I found my tribe but we also welcomed a family from the group before and one from the group after who didn't gel. Our Branch introduced them to us and 10 years on we still each other weekly ... the "add ons" are just as much part of the group as the originals.

Our NCT group met twice. No one, as far as I know, met up with each other. If they did, I certainly wasn't invited. I wasn't aware that NCTs were a source of group bonding until a mum came up to me at work after mat leave was over, saying relied on them as a source of support and met up with them. I was kind of surprised because it didn't even occur to me that a chance meeting with a group of ladies being shown around a hospital would develop into anything as binding as that.

Having said that, I never make friends with anyone. I smile, make chat, show interest in others, listen and then nothing develops. Ever. I live in a white British town and there are never any brown faces in any group photos splashed on FB. Whether it's a race divide is not known. I never have a sense of belonging.

I do see my NCT group usually once a month. Our children turn 4 next Jan'Feb. My DS is very good friends with one of the little girls, as they go to nursery together.

Since my son has made some lovely friends at nursery, he has been invited on play dates by some of the other children and their mum's have so far proved to be really nice.