NCT group didn't work out - anyone with similar experience?

[MeBaby]

So my NCT group was a dismal failure. I signed up with high hopes of meeting my mum squad and women that would support each other through that sleep deprived newborn haze into how do I keep this little human alive and entertained phase and well beyond that. I was missold and hoped for friends that I would go on nights out with, have coffee with, play dates and superhero themed parties with. Possibly even the odd holiday.

None of this happened. Our group didn't mesh as a whole and no one in the group seems to fussed. Two of the girls have made a strong friendship which is great but us others just have a £300 odd hole in our pockets.

I feel like I've missed out on the NCT bandwagon and some life affirming friendships. I have worked hard to make good friends else where (using mush, baby groups, twitter and classes) and I'm going back to work soon but it's still bothering me!

Has anyone else had the same experience recently? Are your NCT friends what you hoped?

P.S. If you got on with your group and they are your mum squad please don't let me know on the post as it will make me feel worse! I am very happy for you tho x

Nope no idea what NCT is (will google!) scotland too. £300 to meet other pregnant people?? I may start one of my own....

I went for baby three because some one invited me. It was great and I carried on in a very active group. We even took our babies to high school and talked about the gorgeous bundle of joy who also had woken five times that night, the crazy amount of pooey nappies and Breast feeding. The teacher said we did more in one lesson than she could have all term and invited us back several times each term. Two of us did it.
We had a monthly meeting and baby dates for the smaller group.
I came to live here and a mum from school introduced me to the local NCT group and I went along to several enjoyable meetings i n some gorgeous houses. Baby four I went along until the six week meet and the group just fizzled out. I was older than most (35)and drove an estate. They were driving BMWs and Range Rovers. Not sure if they were secretly meeting but I just felt like I didn't fit in with age or lifestyle anyway. So second group just didn't work for me while first group had been brilliant. Is it really £300 now?

Googled and theres nothing local to us!

I didn't go to the nct but found lots of friends by doing classes with my baby - we did things like baby sensory, rhyme time at the library, baby massage and yoga (although the last 2 were at the children's centre before they all got closed !) the same people were at the same groups and we soon made friends and still are 8 yrs later
Now starting again in a new town with a new baby and it's hard but I find a smile and a 'hello, how olds the baby? Etc' and you soon get chatting.
Not everyone will be a lifelong friend and some just to see at a group but mostly everyone is in the same position with a new baby. Try not to force it - friendships will come in time

My post wasn't meant to sound smug btw 'I didn't go and had lots of friends' it was meant to be reassuring and that there are more ways to get a friendship group than the nct engineering one

Similar experience here. The people on my course were nice but out of 5 couples 3 moves out of the area shortly after the babies were born. I
went back to work early so didn't particularly make friends at baby groups either.

I have made friends from just chatting to people in the street with similar aged babies, and finding they live nearby, then making plans for coffee/lunch/trips to the park.

I'm pregnant again and have a joined a local Facebook group for 2nd time mums. It seems really sociable: lots of suggestions for meet ups and "does anyone fancy a coffee this afternoon?" type posts.

I didn't do NCT or NHS classes and actually found my group of mums thanks to Mumsnet! A friend due the same time but about to leave London did a search for my local area and bumped a zombie thread asking if anyone was around and not doing NCT but wanted to meet up - first meeting there were about 10 of us, 7 or 8 stuck it through for the first few years, now there's 4 of us who remain very close (8years later) even though none of us lives in London anymore

So - start a thread on MN and see who else is in a similar situation?

Similar here too. My brush with NCT was one of the most hurtful friendship experiences I've had since high school. At the time it felt devastating.

It's just luck though, you meet a random bunch of people. You might get on, you might not. If it doesn't work, just keep trying different groups of people til you find the right one.

Just wanted to say I didn't do NCT or baby classes at all (not a class person!). But I made some really good friends through a local playgroup I stuck at and went to regularly, so there are other options that may work out better for you.

Do people seriously pay £300 to find some like-minded people to hang out with??! I did NCT classes ten years ago, but that was to learn all about having a baby - there wasn't a single shred of expectation that it was a way to buy friendship!! As it turned out, we did all bond pretty well and used to spend time together a lot in various local parks/soft play centres, but gradually the group drifted apart as some of us returned to work, little ones joined different play groups in different areas. It's probably worth doing, especially if you are new to an area I'd say or you really are clueless about babies like we were...

I made mum friends through mumsnet local and netmums meet a mum boards, which is essentially like dating but with no suggestion of romance! (I never use Netmums for chat but their local boards are good, and used by a diverse range of people. They're not all ticker obsessed huns in real life!)

You look for people you think you'll get on with and meet in a public place with your DC for coffee and cake or at the park or whatever.

I met several mums like this and made two really good friendsships that have lasted, one via MN and one via NM.

I made 0 friends, I felt a bit like an alien tbh.

Instead I set up my own local toddler group (meet up in the park once a week, put up a note in village post office), no idea where I got the courage! Must have been desperate , made some nice friends in the park though.

I feel for you OP.

Sounds like your hopes were really unrealistically raised. I don't know whether you did this to yourself or someone raved emphatically about nct to you.

I have birth v recently and have always known that it is a way to make friends but NOT a given at all.

Therefore even though we are well enough, I didn't waste the money and went to NHS classes. You do not really make any friends at NHS classes.

But I'm outgoing and honest and self-deprecating, dragged myself to several free baby groups and midwife groups, took the effort to show personal interest in mum's, honed in on the ones who were interesting and fun, deliberately asked for their number and organised meet ups. Sometimes I'd ask just after meeting someone in a gp surgery.

I don't have what could be described as a 'close posse of mum friends' and frankly I think these can be quite artificial. I have ended up with 1) pleasant acquaintances with many mums in the area, so I always see a familiar face when I go out shopping or to playgroups, 2) a couple of close 'bitch about our MILs' mum friends.

Argh the typos. The jist is the same.

Like Pp's, my NCT class were just all much posher than me. No problem with them, perfectly nice people- we just didn't have a lot in common.
Finding Mum friends has been a terrific uphill slog and I'm only just settling into a friendship group now- 4 years later!
Like others, I eventually found pals at the local toddler group. But even that took a while tbh. My tip is to volunteer. It won't necessarily get you in with the existing clique but when a new person comes, they will see you making the coffee and seemingly at the centre of things and be very pleased if you are friendly towards them. From there, it's practically job done.

I didn't do NCT, I went to a lot of playgroups and classes when DS was younger though. Some were v clicky so I didn't go back, things like monkey music were good because it was the same group each week and you're more likely to get chatting because faces are familiar.

I made 1 friend from the groups who I still speak with now but other than that I struggled to really bond with people. I just felt that everyone just wanted to talk about their babies. Which I completely get but it's nice to have conversations that aren't about feeding and nappies and jumperoos. I still like the things I liked before having DS, and I'd still like to talk about them.

Now DS is 2, I'm less fussed about making friends, I'm back at work part time so when I'm off with him, I really enjoy spending time with him at the groups. Plus he's not a tiny pink blob anymore, he's far more interactive and I enjoy his company.

It's hard OP, I've been there! Have you tried an app called 'mush' it's for local mums to find each other

I did NCT antenatal class's for the content, rather than in the hope of buying new friends, which is good as I didn't get on with the people in my class all that well. I did make my mum friends for life through the NCT, but it was through the baby groups rather than the ante-natal classes. And lots of us actually got to know each other through other baby groups rather than the NCT ones.

Also, the friendship was by no means an instant thing. It took around 2-3 years before we were really, properly friends rather than people who met every week or so for cake.

And I can spell classes, honestly.

I didn't even get to NCT or NHS classes as my twins arrived at 26 weeks!

Most of my 'mum' friends are either NICU mums, online friends from MN preg/antenatal threads or twin mums from TAMBA or FB groups!

Bit on the fence, I really like my lot and saw them lots during maternity leave but very little since. Am in touch with a few but we're actually geographically very spread out. I know two of them live very close and see each other lots tho- their kids are now best pals.

On the other hand I met a bunch of mums at a baby group organised by the local children's centre. We happened to have similar days off when we went back to work and four of us see each other a lot and occasionally meet up with the other four too.
So you might well get lucky but make sure you do lots of other baby stuff too.

Same here 8 years ago. I put it down to all of the women being 1) highly skilled professionals compared to me who works with children with SN and 2) the minimum 5 year age gap between me and them. We got along fine before the babies came and for about 2 months after. After that we broke up. I know that 4 of them are besties still (2 and 2) but the rest of us don't see or speak to each other.

I joined again with dd2 but was the only one with 2 so it was an utter failure although I did meet a friend through a music class we all did together and we still talk 5 years later

Mine was a free ante-natal group so didn't pay.
It worked for the first six months to a year, although the dads never really gelled. Two mums moved away (the Australians back to oz and the wife of the academic to another uni city). We all went back to work different days so meet ups were hard. I'm still in touch with two but one had another baby and mat leave before the first was 2 so our lives quite different and the other is a f/t teacher so I don't see her much.

I hated most of mine and was indifferent about the others. At best we had nothing in common and at worse a compleat personality clash. There was no falling out, I just left the group whatsapp and then didn't engage when one by one the rest of the group sent me fishing texts to try to get me to bitch about the others. It was all a bit odd!

Anyway, I signed up to loads of classes and stuff with my baby and made my own mum squad.

My NCT group met up once a week for a while (bar one who dumped us straight away!). Then it became more fragmented as different routines and activities made it hard to find a time everyone could do. It's splintered now into two pairs of close friends, and another handful of us who are happy to chat and meet up every now and then. I don't see is being in touch for that much longer once the babies have turned one and most people are back at work. Two of the group also have some hostility. We're not doing a joint first birthday party or anything.
My lasting mum friendships have been from other activities I went to. You will find these.

I think it depends on the group themselves.

The NCT in our area when DS was a baby was jokingly referred to as the junior branch of the WI. Their members then used to annoy the hell out of everyone by organising meetups at the Surestart and Childrens Centres, then try to monopolise everything and treating the staff like their personal servants.
Oh, and they despised childminders - they did their level best to get us banned from Centres and playgroups, the highlight was when they tried to get us banned from the playgroup that we ourselves set up and ran at the local church hall

That coloured my view of them for years.
Then, one of my minded children has a Sensory course to finish and her mum asked if I'd take her. She mentioned her NCT group were there and I groaned inwardly, but they were actually lovely ladies, really friendly and welcoming. I did a rapid revision of my opinion

I think NCT is a really good idea and has done so much to help women but, like most groups, those attending can make or marr a group.