NCT group didn't work out - anyone with similar experience?

[MeBaby]

So my NCT group was a dismal failure. I signed up with high hopes of meeting my mum squad and women that would support each other through that sleep deprived newborn haze into how do I keep this little human alive and entertained phase and well beyond that. I was missold and hoped for friends that I would go on nights out with, have coffee with, play dates and superhero themed parties with. Possibly even the odd holiday.

None of this happened. Our group didn't mesh as a whole and no one in the group seems to fussed. Two of the girls have made a strong friendship which is great but us others just have a £300 odd hole in our pockets.

I feel like I've missed out on the NCT bandwagon and some life affirming friendships. I have worked hard to make good friends else where (using mush, baby groups, twitter and classes) and I'm going back to work soon but it's still bothering me!

Has anyone else had the same experience recently? Are your NCT friends what you hoped?

P.S. If you got on with your group and they are your mum squad please don't let me know on the post as it will make me feel worse! I am very happy for you tho x

I called to book a place on a course and speaking (in my broad northern accent) to the local NCT lady (with her very, very correct southern accent) I was informed that I had left things far too late to join at 16 weeks pregnant, as 'round here our ladies are educated and as soon as they have peed on a stick they tell their husband and then they tell us.' I took this to mean that I was not welcome as I was far too thick to have figured out how to join - I also took it to mean that as I thought she was an insufferable snob I probably wouldn't fit in. Thankfully I have enough of my own friends that I didn't need to pay an organisation to find some for me, and I think my mental wellbeing has been much better for not having only bored post-natal women moaning about their nipples to listen to. I would probably have been a bit to blunt for them too

Glad I'm not the only one although sorry to hear others were in the same boat. Luckily I found our course (not actually NCT but very similar idea) really useful but must admit I would have loved to have made some more lasting friendships out of it. Have always been crap at making friends though and although I didn't have PND was very very low for many months after I had DD which didn't help. It's not that they weren't lovely people it's just that we didn't have much in common beyond having babies at the same time. In summary : it's not just you!

Our group has been wonderful, but I know someone who did the course exactly before ours and they were rubbish. Poor girl kept trying to get things going and it was so tough for her in the early days. We sort of adopted her once we were out of the newborn haze!

I really enjoyed our Nct group, it was really helpful finding out about having the choices for my childbirth and it was great for my partner to get involved with my pregnancy.
The group was small and we didn't live too close by but during our maternity leave we met up every week and it was great, we supported each and had a laugh. As the babies grew and people went back to work we met up a few times birthdays, Halloween and Christmas. This year as lives are being lived and people move away we have only managed 1 meet up and have planned near Christmas and it'll be great to catch up.
Nct is your choice and yes it cost but it's not a definite way to meet life long baby mummy friends but I would do it again and have recommend it to people.

On one level, our NCT group "worked" because we met up regularly until our children were three years old.

On another level, it took me the whole of that three years to figure out that my daughter was really hating playing with the other kids, who were all much more boisterous and physical than her, and that was the reason she was so "clingy".

When I stopped going along, all but one of the mums took offence and dropped me like a stone. But both DD1 and I were much happier. I still see the one mum that didn't drop me - our kids are now 14.

If you've found other friends elsewhere, they will probably last longer. Try and put it behind you.

I did NCT. It was kind of fine. I didn't learn very much really. The other people in the group were perfectly pleasant but I didn't feel a particular connection with them so have no particular desire to meet up a lot. I have seen them for coffee once or twice but really I'm not surprised that we didn't form a tight knit group..... We were just 8 strangers whose only common ground was having £400 (cringe) to "spare" and similar due dates.

Mind you, the concept of a "mum squad" (is that a thing?! Sounds like a newspaper/magazine-devised concept) fills me with horror so perhaps I was the problem!

Oh my goodness all. I am astounded at the response and thank you all so much! I feel much less alone and the "weird one" because my NCT group didn't work out.

To answer some of your questions, I never knew about NCT until I was pregnant or that it was for making friends. It was only through friends and family I had heard about this. My expectation was hyped up by some well meaning individuals. They gave me high high hopes.

For those of you who don't know what NCT is - NCT is a charity that organise lots of things for parents and provide advice about parenting in general. One of the things they organise is antenatal classes. Typically, you sign up and a group of mums and partners are thrown together and taught about childbirth over a series of classes lasting a few weeks. There is then a meet up after all the babies are born, and typically what happens is that the mums all meet up during maternity leave. Most groups become good friends, although as you can see from this thread that doesn't always happen.

I have found a nice group of people through Mush, people I met in the hospital in the labour ward, and people at classes as well. My NCT group do socials as well, but aren't geared up to the age group my son is in. I've organised a few meet ups and coffee mornings to aid things along. So I haven't wallowed in self-pity all the time . I must say though that mush has been an absolute saviour for me and it's where I've probably made my strongest friends.

I guess I'm worried that because there isn't a group to tie my friendships together they will all frizzle out when I go back to work. I'm working full-time.

Thank you so much for the support ladies and your stories. Hope this thread continues to help mums feel less alone and that there are other ways to make friends if their NCT group doesn't work out.

I tried to do the NCT antenatal classes but they were cancelled twice. I did the postnatal course, which I liked but didn't stay in contact with anyone. It was in London so everyone was very spread out. I did meet a good group of people through the children's centre but then I moved when the baby was 7 months and I've completely failed at making Mum friends in my new area. Now I'm back at work it's less important as I only have 1 day off during the week, but I do wish I had some friends with children as none really of my friends do. Maybe I'll try Mush.

I'm sorry your course was a dud. The actual NCT course was useless, but everyone from the group is in a whatsapp group and we talk daily. Can you try coffee mornings near you? Talk to every person you meet?Fwiw, I was the massively over keen one to make friends and I set up the whatsapp group and it's been great.

SpecialStains - yup have a whatsapp group and it's strained. Done all you suggested too.

Who will be looking after your Don when you go back to work MeBaby? All DD's friends were made through nursery, thus their parents too.

I didn't do nct as I felt the cost was too high. I lived in a very affluent area when dd was born and nct was almost a right of passage. All the baby classes I attended were dominated by NCT groups and I often felt quite lonely as the groups didn't really chat to other people much. However, I came to know one group to say hello to as I'd bump into them a lot. Had I attended nct they would probably have been my group but I don't think I would ever have become good friends. One lady was quite pleasant but another was a hobby know it has to be centre of attention person and she did my head in(!)

I made friends with one lady who's nct group attended the same baby class but completely ignored her. I didn't find out that she was part of that group for many months later. She's lovely so I no idea why she was pushed out. I've recently moved but we still meet up.

I also have friends elsewhere who absolutely love their nct groups. It's always going to be pot luck. Just because you're up the duff it doesn't mean you have enough in common to become friends.

That's good to know BikeRunSki. We have 2 days a week at nursery so hopefully we can meet people there!

For some reason, parents to be from my postal area are put in classes from a neighbouring council area.

The problem I found was that the other area is one of the wealthiest areas in the south. All the other couples had been privately educated (most actually went to boarding school) all worked up the city in finance/banking. They were lovely people but we had no common ground!

We all hosted a "meet up" then went our own ways! Although I think the others did keep in touch for longer.

However. I also did a midwife led class and the ladies I met on thst day are now some of my closest friends!

Have you posted on your Mumsnet local page? Might find other mums wanting to meet up there.

I'm in the NW if that's any use!

My first one was great (on the whole), second was shite.

From original post -

P.S. If you got on with your group and they are your mum squad please don't let me know on the post as it will make me feel worse! I am very happy for you tho x

Was this part of the post missed by some people?

I think so. Like I said I'm very happy for everyone whose made good friends through NCT as it's there for that but would rather they shared the good news stories elsewhere. Although tips and suggestions on NCT alternatives are welcome :) x

I have a NCT disaster story for you, although I couldn't swear it's true... My work friend claims that his brother's NCT group went out for a dads' drink before the babies were born, they were quite a big group with 8 or 9 dads, and had only met once at this point. Basically they lost one of them without realising ... he was quite drunk and while trying to find the others he ended up wandering into a busy road and got hit by a car!! So that couple at least did not continue with the friendships...

My eldest is 14 now and I am still in touch with only one other person from our original NCT group. We kept going as a group for a few years, but gradually people fell by the wayside. Apart from being new mums, we didn't have a huge amount in common....

Meant to add - I developed lasting friendships with some of the mums from Pre-School and Primary school rather than NCT (although I appreciate that you might not want to wait that long!)

I was signed up for NCT, but didn't end up doing the course in the end as DC was prem and born before the course even started!

I found the same as some others - in the first year I'd go to baby groups and it would be full of people hanging out with their NCT friends and it did feel pretty cliquey. I did join an NCT tea group, but that was dominated by one particular NCT group and I always felt a bit of an outsider. What bugs me still actually was that we rarely got invited to birthday parties for the first (and second) years because so many people were doing a joint NCT one.

As, for various reasons, I didn't go back to work after ML, I eventually made my good group of local Mum friends after the majority of people started to go back to work - this was from the circuit of local playgroups - and the NCT groups became a lot less important.

Oh gosh moogle. I sincerely hope that one isn't true. That's awful!

I apologise about missing the bit about not mentioning positive stories - sleep deprivation is hitting hard today and I'm finding it hard to function!

Fwiw, I have tried most baby groups. I absolutely hated baby massage and had nothing in common with the mums there. Baby swimming is nice, I can talk to other Mums if I want but I actually just enjoy being with the baby , Rhyme time is very sweet and I talk to everyone and I'm never functioning and out the house early enough for coffee mornings.

The best thing I do with the baby is community choir one night a week. Lots of adult conversation as my baby sleeps in a corner. No other mums at all!

We ended up at a class so far from where we lived no one bothered to get in touch with us