a question for mums out there...

[lorie]

....has your relationship with your friends (with NO children) changed since you had your baby?

I'm finding it a bit tricky with my very best friend...perhaps she doesn't realise how things have changed for me....I LOVE being a mum and I am so happy but its as if my friend doesn't know me any more?

can anybody add to this?

My did change, I find it difficult to relate to what's important to them and i'd imagine they do to me. Not all of them, just those who are no where hear having children and are basically where I was 7 or so years ago.

Do you still do the things you used to with this friend even if it's not so often? I love to go out to the pub/clubs but only do it a few times a year since dd came along(not at all at moment as 33 weeks pg!!) We still have as much fun as when we used to go out all the time.

I had this absolutely. A very close friend just doesn't phone me any more because "its so exhausting working full time" - she actually said this to me, I don't know if it was meant to be a dig or not.

Then she was always trying to get my DH to go out for full day fishing excursions with her DP when DS was quite young, even though I'd told her how tired I was and needed more help from DH.

She is also not that interested in DS which is fine, I understand that but it does hurt a bit. She buys nice things for him but doesn't make any effort to see him which I find a bit sad as she is the god mother.

However I think well its important to have childless friends as well so I do make the effort to catch up with her when I can. Also I think I was something similar when my best friend had her baby and she cut me a lot of slack so I figure I should do the same.

On the other side of it, I don't have children but have maintained friendships with those who've had children since we became friends.

In two situations that come to mind, I'm the only one of 'the group' who's still in touch with 'x' and 'y' since they became parents.

I think the reason for this is that I've worked with children for a long time, so I understand the 'culture' for want of a better word!

Similarly, some friends have become closer since they've had children.

So does it depend on the work/life stage/situation of the friends in question?

it's really quite simple - friends without children just don't understand to what depth your life has changed, and unfortunately, I don't think it's fair to expect them to. Some women will be lucky and have friends who do "get" quite how much your world has changed, but for the majority of mums with "non-mum" friends, I suggest you use your non-mum friends as a good way to get a breather from nappies, feeding etc.

Some relationships changed and some didn't. The ones that changed tended to be the people who were more self absorbed IME.

Echo the importance of having friends with no children. Its great to still go out on a 'girlie' night and 'escape' motherhood for a few hours - you don't tend to talk 'babies/children' with someone who hasnt got them.

Also, my kids love having extra adults in their lives - and if they have no children themselves, when they come over for lunch or afternoon tea, your house isnt suddenly filled with more kids iyswim.

yes agree with all your comments, I will continue to put the effort into our relationship, I don't want to loose her as a friend.

I was interested to see if other mums had found this.

I still do the same things we did, although not as much! We had a night out recently and had a good time (son is 7 wks old so think I did well!).

I just don't think she is a 'baby' person, plus shes also 5 yrs younger than me (23yrs) which could make a difference?

thanks for comments so far