what do you think about naughty children? IDEAS PLEASE!!!

[lora1]

-they are born with such a character what ever you do you cant change them?
-or they become naughty because of difficult conditions?
-or both?
which one do you believe?

I think alot of behaviour stems from how they are being brought up as in social and emtional. But a huge part is personality and i would prefer a little monkey to a kid who was too good !!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't believe children are naughty per se - and think it's incredibly unhelpful to label them like this. All children can do things that are naughty, some more than others. And some children behave very badly because they've had dreadful experiences or appalling parenting. They need help. not labelling.

thanks charmedhay. I agree with you.
other ideas pleas?

sorry messages crossed

bump

I think there is no such thing as a naughty child.
With the nature/nurture issue, a psychiatrist said to me recently, that in his experience it is all nurture. This potentially taps into the idea that mental illness isn't genetic but bad coping mechanisms passed down from one generation to another

Yes, but a psychiatrist would say that, wouldn't he?

You should read Steve Pinker.

It's obvious to anyone who's had contact with babies that they have their own personalities from the start.

agree with that booboobedoo, my DTs have had the same nurture and experiences at the same stages of their lives as each other, but their characters are definitely not the same...

i have read steve pinker. didn't mean that a child is a blank slate, just that i don't think a child is born naughty, it could be made to feel that way from parents responses to a given behaviour.
one persons naughty is another persons enthusiastic/energetic/spirited/dynamic.
also with regard to personality and behaviour i think you have to try and seperate the two, a child might do something silly but it doesn't make a silly child - the child is more than the behaviour they present at a given moment. even if that behaviour is thought of as 'naughty' the child is still doing his or her best given the tools they have to hand. a child is trying to make sense of the world.
there is a wonderful line at the beginning of 'we need to talk about kevin, not sure who said this but goes something along the lines of 'a child needs your love most when he deserves it least '.

I would say environment is a definite factor. But I would also say that it depends on the character/genetic disposition of the child how s/he reacts to that environment and how they are influenced by the people they trust or whether they actually have someone they can trust. Perhaps how secure in itself and its surroundings a child feels dictates its responses to its environment. I think that Why Love Matters by Sue Gerhardt makes interesting reading.

What does "too good" mean? I think this is unhelpful type language. I mean if it is a child who has been so abused as to be scared to express him/her self, then yes. But often my DS is described by other mothers as "good". He is his own character, maybe less noisy and boisterous than other children, and we have done our best to bring him up to be polite and respectful, but he does do things that could be described as "naughty" from time to time but would be very unlikely to be described as a "little monkey".

It is a normal part of growing up isn't it? Being 'naughty' ... it's all about testing the boundaries.
A toddler who scribbles on the wall with felt tip may not be 'naughty' because, unless he has been told not to, how does he know that scribbling on the wall is not allowed? If he does it 10 times, knowing it isn't allowed, even then he may not be naughty, just seeing how far he can go ...
That's my take on it anyway.
My DS is 7 ... he does 'naughty' things ... HE isn't necessarily a 'naughty boy' if you see what I mean?
I agree that babies are born with distinct personalities (which was a huge shock to me when DS was born - LOL) not born naughty.

TBH I would be worried if a child was 'good' all the time.

It's how a parent deals with unacceptable behaviour that determines how far a child will go with testing boundaries, and therefore how 'naughty' they become.
IMO

Oh we do get boundary testing, and cheekiness, and shoving of a little sister who is intent on causing destruction, but we have never from either child got drawing on the wall or anywhere inappropriate.

Naughty is a bit like criminal - it's defined by the society in which the concept is being used.

i'm not talking about being (naughty) more like having a bit of personality. all children are totally different and will all have different boundaries to try to push not doing this is a doesn't fit in with the age development "norms" !!!

I think it a balance vetween nature and nurture. I think some kids are predisposed to naughtiness but a bad enviroment encourages it.

I think there can be certain physical things that can make children/ people more likely to be naughty/ commit crime.

For instance dyslexia can make concentration and taking part at school very difficult and when there is no assitance that child is more likely to become disruptive and badly behaved. Aparantly there is a very high rate of previously undiagnosed dyslexia in young offenders institutes.

But I would say on the whole the majority of psycological and behavioural problems are caused by the environment that the child is brought up in, regardless of any "in-built" problems. Perhpas children that present a different personality and are labled as a difficult baby or a problem child are then treated differently by those around them, so don't reach the positive potential that they had have the negitives magnified.

Or something like that .

I think all children feel their feet and try the boundries its part of the natural learning and exploring process its how the parents are which teaches the children how to behave.

If you get a mother or father who shouts and is loud and unmannerly the child tends to mirror them, not the child's fault.