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Parenting

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Original poster

Dh wants a day off parenting

25 replies

Policom123 · 08/10/2016 17:49

DH come telling me today as is his birthday next week he will not be driving the kids to they weekend activities! He needs a bloody day off as he works all week! AIBU to be upset ? As a parent I think is no day off parenting or no get up and feed the kids because is my birthday. I do all during week and he has the blood cheeky to say that I do nothing while kids at school! I work evenings/ nights and do lunch assistance at school. Because he works 9 to 5 pm . He still telling me I don't do nothing all day even after I told him I got the school job! Once I got home at 6am from my night job , sleept for couple hours and went all day sort out the house, work at school , cooking , get kids to after school club and swimming ! He came tell me that because I slept those 2 hours I did have some sleep so I wasn't 24 hours without sleep. The bastard didn't even acknowledge that I worked all night, sort the kids for school and back and went to work again at 11 am to 13 pm at local school( he probably thing this job is a fairy tale) . House was clean went he come back and kids had dinner ready for after school club and swimming! Is a way to put in his brain that when u have kids you don't have a day off for yourself? Or my holiday ? Unless u don't leave with u own kids?

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fuzzywuzzy · 08/10/2016 17:50

Stop doing anything for him.

On the other hand what positives does he bring to the relationship?

MycatsaPirate · 08/10/2016 17:55

There is no such thing as a day off parenting! Even on Christmas, birthdays etc, you still need to be a parent.

He needs to grow up, shape up or ship out.

Sounds like you'd better stop doing things for him. Such as his washing, ironing, his dinners etc. Just sort out you and the kids.

I couldn't live with a man-child.

Jinglebellsandv0dka · 08/10/2016 17:58

Stop doing it all then.

You know he is talking out of his arse and you are running yourself ragged. So stop it. It's only you that can make the change.

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PotteringAlong · 08/10/2016 17:59

Of course you can have a day off parenting! Everyone needs some time to themselves to recharge and renew. As long as the other agrees and it's convenient and you both get the same time off then I'd argue it's healthy to do so.

Topseyt · 08/10/2016 18:04

There is no such thing as a day off from parenting. That includes your DH, who sounds like rather a twat really.

Mine would get short shrift if he said anything like that. We take turns where possible. Today he drove DD3 to hockey and cheered from the touchline, tomorrow I am taking her.

It sounds as though your DH does not appreciate you and all that you do at all.

SloanePeterson · 08/10/2016 18:08

He does sound a bit of a pillock. But tbh dh often offers to let me have a 'day off' as he knows I sometimes need it. I don't often take him up on it, but when I do, I relish it and nip to the coffee shop or out for a leisurely stroll around the shops. 3 dc here, the middle one has asd so just to get away from the incessant talking at me is bliss. He'll take them out to the park too to give me a break. I think having a break is good for both of you,

Somerville · 08/10/2016 18:09

YY to having a 'day off' parenting, if it can be done without overburdening someone else, and if it's understood that any emergencies with the kids then it gets cancelled immediately.

My parents are having my DC for the weekend as my birthday present, actually. That's a better birthday gift than anything they could buy me. And I'm a better parent for it afterwards, because I'm recharged and refreshed.

Is this part of a pattern of laziness or something? If not then how about giving him a day off for a birthday present, and making it clear you expect the same on your birthday?

Also, if your kids' activities are a burden you might want to lower them. Mine did very little at primary stage on weekends, because my DH had a long commute mon-fri and the family time at weekends was more important.

Scrumptiousbears · 08/10/2016 18:15

I'd give him a day off and tell him the date when its your turn to have one. Let's face it we would all like to have a day to ourselves we just need to take turns.

Bagina · 08/10/2016 18:20

Aside from home being a cock about what you do all day; I always have my birthday "off parenting". It's absolutely wonderful!

snakesalive · 08/10/2016 18:25

That's fine,just make sure he knows you are out all day on yr birthday.and he will be having the kids.whats good for the goose is good for the gander

NapQueen · 08/10/2016 18:28

I'd say "have a lovely day, and every one that follows after, here is your bags"

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 · 08/10/2016 18:29

So if he wants a non parent day then he won't be getting any card /presents from them will he? And if he pisses you off with his crap there won't be a birthday meal or adult activities either will there?
Take the kids out for their tea and leave the miserable twat to himself.

museumum · 08/10/2016 18:34

My dh and I often give the other a "day off" - but it's pretty equal.
Today dh took ds shopping and to see his grandad. I am doing dinner and bed but I've had almost all day to myself after a full on week.
Two weeks ago dh went away to a sports event with friends overnight.

Heratnumber7 · 08/10/2016 18:41

Of course you can have a day off parenting! Ask the grandparents, or a friend to have them, and both of you go out for the day.

Everyone needs time out from the kids occasionally.

Miloarmadillo1 · 08/10/2016 18:42

2 seperate issues - he wants a 'day off' on his birthday - that's fine, you can have one on your birthday or on another day of your choosing in return if you want to. It is entirely reasonable for a parent to occasionally need a day to do exactly what they want.
He doesn't appreciate you or pull his weight the other 364 days of the year - there is your issue!

PacificOcean · 08/10/2016 18:44

I think it's okay for him to have a 'day off parenting' for his birthday. You should also be able to have one on your birthday.

Timetogrowup2016 · 08/10/2016 18:45

His a dick head
A day off is one thing if he Wass going equal parenting and helping you but his not !

fakenamefornow · 08/10/2016 18:45

My god do you lot never have a day off parenting? Do you never go out for a day without kids, doing stuff you want to do? Never! When does this martyrdom end, when they turn 18? I used to have a day off parenting every birthday, dh would do it all, I would sleep late, then go out without them, dh would have the same sometimes and we never begrudge each other this.

Your dh does sound like a twat though op, but that's a separate issue.

Caper86 · 08/10/2016 18:46

If he works during the week 9-5 then those days are his days off parenting! The weekend should be your days to relax a bit - birthday or no birthday

MrsNuckyThompson · 08/10/2016 18:50

We frequently give each other days off parenting. It is ace.

It only works if you agree in advance and take your turn of course!

Beebeeeight · 08/10/2016 18:59

There are 2 different issues here.

a day off parenting is reasonable
your general set up is grossly unfair to you

Original poster

Policom123 · 08/10/2016 19:01

I do understand that a day off is sometimes need! But we only have each other and no family around! So the kids gets priority! If he doesn't take DD to ballet she will have to stay at home and annoy him on his birthday! I already have the day off( will work the nigh before ) so he doesn't have to feed the kids, wash them or brush they teeth! The point is that he is all about himself and this is every weekend, he wants me to work to no depend on him ( I actually enjoy go to work) and if I do he complaining about look after the kids!( told him that he can pay the babysitter so he can have the day off ) So if I don't do anything at home , how he can complain in have to stay with the kids on his day off? He probably will no be doing anything anyway! I do all the cooking , wash and cleaning for the kids! Sometimes I just feed the kids and leave him to himself! I need him to watch the kids so I can work! I work opposite hours than him, I can't afford a childminder on a zero hours contract! So I need to work nights and weekends! Sometimes I just need a bit of support! Would glad give him a day off ( he will be sleeping until 10 am) and do nothing all day! But tell me that he needs a day for himself was a bit selfish while I will be working the night before and only need him to drop DD at ballet ( 10 min drive)

OP posts:

RandomMess · 08/10/2016 19:05

You need to have a far more important discussion:

Do you have equal leisure time?
Do you both get the same amount of "sleep" time?

Do the maths and compare... could say it all in black and white...

Penfold007 · 08/10/2016 19:06

Does he actually do any parenting and give you any support?

Laineymc7 · 08/10/2016 19:11

I'd say he can have it but you are having yours! I had a day out and lunch with my friends last Sunday and dp had the kids. We do it very occasionally as it's nice to have a little time to yourself. Unless he can do the same for you I'd tell him where to go. It's not all about him and his needs.

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