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Original poster

when/where is it OK for children to go nude?

115 replies

hovely · 11/06/2004 22:40

I feel out of touch with general opinion on this one. Aside from hygiene & sun protection issues, is it OK or not OK for a small child to be nude/bottomless - on the beach? in the park? in the paddling pool at the park? on a campsite? in somebody else's garden? in your own garden if it's overlooked?
If it's OK up to a certain age, then what age?
Is it different for boys/girls?

OP posts:
jampot · 11/06/2004 22:43

I don't have a problem seeing this and would allow mine to do it when they were very young. However, a friend of mine has a daughter 2 years younger than mine and she was still strutting naked round the house at 7 (which is lovely and liberating for her) but I found it just a bit too old to be greeting guests in the nuddy..

Ladeeda · 11/06/2004 23:17

Anyone under 2 - anywhere. Boys and girls the same. After that it gets more difficult and complicated, but I don't know the answer - would be interested to see what others think

exaussie · 11/06/2004 23:26

My daughter is nearly 3. I still let her go bottomless at the beach (although here in Highland Scotland the beaches are rarely full and might not do it if they were). Probably wouldn't in a busy park or campsite. Would, and do, in certain friend's gardens (v.good friends). In our garden - yes, it is her house after all. But, it would depend who was there aswell. For me it basically boils down to who is around - but realise now that I should really think about starting to teach dd modesty soonish. Ahhh, to be innocent forever huh!

nightowl · 12/06/2004 02:40

i must be really odd then because iv never let ds go nude anywhere in public and neither will i let dd. im too scared of some pervert getting off on it with all the stuff you hear about nowadays. such a shame but thats how i feel

oxocube · 12/06/2004 07:31

My ds (aged 21/2) is mostly nude at home - weather warm and he always strips off! At the beach I would still be happy for him to be without nappy and maybe just a little tee-shirt for sun protection. I wouldn't be happy if my older kids were naked in public, although at 8 and 6, I very much doubt they would want to be. I think about 3ish would be the cut-off point for me to be comfortable with my kids being naked in a public place.

Trifle · 12/06/2004 08:32

My ds' are only allowed to be nude in the garden as it isnt overlooked but if someone comes to the gate, ie Tesco delivery man etc, then they have to put some shorts on. I dont allow them to be naked in public and never have, regardless of their age. Peverts will happily get off at the sight of a naked toddler and I'm always conscious that beaches, open air paddling pools etc can attract the wrong sort for whom the sight of a naked child will fuel their fantasies. I dont see there is any particular need for a child to be naked to feel liberated.

twiglett · 12/06/2004 10:09

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gold123 · 12/06/2004 10:18

I think it very sad that it has come to this. My dd and ds did only strip off in the house and our own back garden - they don't at all now (we are overlooked). I would never let them do it in public. One of my friends lets her dd run round outside her house in just her wellies - it was in the paper last week, that the man at the bottom of her road is awaiting trial for taking indecent photographs of children and distributing them on the net. She was sickened by this and now wonders whether he took any of her dd. Its frightening.

bloss · 12/06/2004 13:13

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monkey · 12/06/2004 13:18

don't really like seeing children in the nude in public, and in facr, presumably soley for hygene reasons, here ay the outdoor pools it is compulsory for al lchilldren regardless of age to have pants/swim nappy on.

My 2 ds's love being nudey, but I've managed to convince them, most of the time at least to wear pants as a minimum. They call it 'being Mogli" "Mummy can I be Mogli in the gatden?" etc. Naked is being Baloo btw.

I agree with Trifle.

posyhairdresser · 12/06/2004 13:21

This is my current thinking: DD (4) can be naked if she likes at home or in my garden (although it is overlooked) and I am comfortable with this.

I would let her go naked in the local paddling pools if it was a spontaneous visit on a quiet day but would put her in a swimsuit if the trip was planned. In general I feel it is a shame to let perverts rule your life but you have to draw a line somewhere.
I would not take DD into town without clothes, and actually do not think it is appropriate for men to take their shirts off in public except at a beach, so this is more about my idea of decorum than an anti-perv policy...

motherinferior · 12/06/2004 13:31

My dp gets very uneasy about the thought of people peering pervily into our house/garden, so now dd1 is out of nappies we're going for a pants-on policy, I think. Which is very sad - dp is quite a modest person, I'm not!

MeanBean · 12/06/2004 14:17

I feel very uneasy about allowing perverts to dictate how my children dress/ behave in public. Some pervs get turned on by the sight of my naked arms or ankles (god knows why!) but I wouldn't allow that to stop me dressing how I liked, so I don't see why I should act differently with my children. I also don't want to give them hang-ups about nudity, but at the same time, agree with others that they need to be taught "appropriateness". I hate the sight of men in Summer with no shirts (but then, perhaps it's the men round here!) except on a beach, and wouldn't like DS to think it's all right to go round with no top on.
For my DS, about 3 was the cut off point, but for DD it's around 2 (now). Not because they're different sexes, but because he was so much more babyish at 3 than she is at 2.

Lonelymum · 12/06/2004 20:45

You have really made me think about this. Up until now, I have had no problems with my children being naked in a public place (ie beach - I don't mean walking down the street!) as long as they are happy with it. My oldest ds (aged 8) has just started exhibiting a bit of shyness and prefers to be covered, but will still strip naked without a thought at home. Ds2 (aged 6) and dd (aged 4) are not at all shy about being naked on the beach and I have never even considered the thought of perverts getting their thrills at the sight of them. We would discourage them from exhibiting themselves directly in front of friends (eg in a friend's garden) but think it is OK at home. TBH both dh and myself are quite happy to be naked in front of our kids and I suppose that has affected their feelings about being naked themselves. I wonder if I have been a bit naive?

MeanBean · 12/06/2004 23:54

I don't think so LM - your attitude sounds very sane and well-balanced to me. We should remember that the mad perv who preys on children is a rarity, and most of us are far more aware of it than we need to be. I feel dreadful sometimes seeing people laughing at the kids when they are doing something funny, because it always fleetingly crosses my mind that they might be pervs. As long as you're not so naive that you send your kids off to the home of the local loner with a large collection of firearms, I think you sound like your kids are doing OK!!

coppertop · 13/06/2004 00:00

I used to be fairly open-minded about my ds's running around in the nude until one of our neighbours was recently convicted of offences against children. It turned out that he had a whole string of similar convictions but no-one around here had any idea. It may be an isolated case but it was close enough to home to make me stop and think.

Chandra · 13/06/2004 00:16

Coppertop... the more convincing argument on the thread....

A question for all the mothers who allow their children to go nude. MIL did allow with their children and they have an incredibly sane attitude towards sex that I would like my child to have, however, how do I convince DH that we have neighbours and even if we are in our house he can't go commando when he have the curtains open??? I fear so much we may have a problem with them Well he pays attention but very often he totally forgets!!!

bloss · 13/06/2004 02:12

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nightowl · 13/06/2004 03:33

i think my problem is that my friend got abused on a greek beach full of people when we were very young. we were burying each other when this greek man decided to help...we never thought anything of it at first as the people there were very friendly and kind to children...until he started putting sand down her bikini top. (dont really want to state what happened next but you can guess) as far as perverts dictating how we dress etc...if a perv wanted (to put it very crudely) to do his deed looking at me in a bikini then sod him...i couldnt give a toss, im an adult and can handle it...but my children? the thought frankly makes me sick, very sick.

MeanBean · 13/06/2004 13:04

I agree the thought is upsetting, but I figure that if there are child-molesters around, they are going to get off on the sight of kids dressed or naked - you don't know if the sight of Barbie wellies would turn them on more than nudity, and you can't second-guess what might be a trigger. But thinking about it and doing it are two different things; if a perv is drooling over my children, revolting though that is, it is simply not in the same category as actually abusing them. Your poor friend Nightowl - how awful that she should be attacked in that way in broad daylight in public - exactly the sort of place where she would expect to be safe.

pervybil · 13/06/2004 13:21

My BIL and sis have had a fair share of problems over their marriage but at the very worst my BIL used to follow women (I actually think he still does) while out in town in his lunch hour then he used to go back to work and "replay" the women in his mind and do his deed. These women were fully dressed as you would be and according to my BIL unaware they were being followed. BIL doesn't know I know all this but my sister confided in me as she didn't know what to do. I guess where there's a will there's a way...

rsv1000r · 14/06/2004 17:58

I agree with many posts that it is very sad that we have to take things like this into account - children should have no reason to be ashamed of their bodies and do grow up without the same hangups if they have not been made to feel that their naked bodies are 'bad' and not to be seen.

However, I also have a decorum problem with nudity in public - such as men with no tops on so would not encourage my children to undress in a public area, such as a shopping centre, but would allow it on the beach for example.

I know that the public perception is that there is a pervert on every street, but actually the numbers abused by strangers is very small - the sad reality is that your child is more likely to be abused by someone that you know and trust - its called grooming and they are very very good at it - afterall they are grooming you to trust them as well.

handlemecarefully · 15/06/2004 12:03

'Active' perverts may be in a minority (i.e. those who actually indecently molest), but recent police operations have uncovered tens of thousands of names of 'passive' perverts who have logged onto child pornography sites to collect and enjoy sick images....

My kids can be nude at home (not overlooked) and in friends gardens (where these are not overlooked) but never in a public place.

Blu · 15/06/2004 12:27

I still feel quite relaxed about this, and am quite happy for DS (nearly 3) to scamper around naked at home, in garden, friends gardens, paddling pool at park, on beach etc. I anticipate that this will decline as his own natural shyness creeps in and he begins to adopt social norms - wants trunks on in the park etc. I will probably start to encourage trunks in the park at about 5. Not convinced that nakedness is in itself any special risk, and will be as vigilant at watching out for his safety whether he is wearing not a stitch or full winter outfit.

JustMum · 15/06/2004 13:37

I asked a similar (well sort of) question in the Travel section, as my DH was asking me to go to a naturist beach (we have a 10 year old daughter). My biggest concern is the possibility of some sicko staring at my child, the thought horrifies me.

In principal I think kids should be free to run around as nature intended, I'd be conscious though of who the 'audience' is.