School called social services!!!

[larson]

I am totally outraged.
There is absolutely no hints within our happy middle class family that there might be any child abuse going on. However, the door rung today and when I opened I was greeted by two ladies from the social services who informed me that the school reported possible child abuse in our family. They asked to interview each family member alone, in a separate room including my 4 and 6yr old kids. Although they could not find anything 'suspicious' they have to continue their investigation, including contacting police, local agencies, seeing the kids further in school and doing more home visits.
Apparently the teacher asked my 4yrs old what do her parents do when she is naughty and she told them how daddy beat her brother once when he was naughty. Off course there is absolutely no beating going on in the house, and both kids a very happy children!

The school had never raised any concerns with either of the parents and I am so upset and frustrated with this situation!

I have had to report someone under similar circumstances..I can tell you it isn't done flipantly, it is about protecting a child.I would do it again if necessary. It is not for the people that the child discloses to, to judge, it is simply to pass on the information to the relevant services.

I grew up in a nice middle class family and that was very abusive..

Seems like a strange question for a teacher to ask a 4 yr old - I'd want to know what led up to that sort of question?

knew you'd get flamed for the 'middle class family' bit..

Assuming that there really isn't anything untoward going on, aren't you more concerned as to why your daughter has lied?

Did you ask to see ID?

Just from another angle, did you check their credentials- phone their office etc?

Because there'd be no way in hell id let two strangers turning up at mu door in and unsupervised access to my kids, whoever they said they were.

I'd offer to meet them at the school, or the police station, or their office, where they can have a teacher or other known adult to advocate for them.

''i'm particularity annoyed with the teacher who had apparently asked my 4yr child in the playground how does she get punished at home?! what kind of question is this? ''

out of context, you have no idea why she asked the Q.

She may well have just told little James to go and sit on the bench until he calmed down.

Up pops your 4 year old and asks ''why is James sat on the bench?''

Teacher replies '' He's been unkind to Simon''

And rather than go into how/why he was unkind to Simon, she has turned it round

''What does Mummy do when you are naughty?''

Really I am sure the same question is aske country wide on a daily basis.

Jut go with it, nothing to hide = nothing to find

I'm impressed that both the school and ss are doing their jobs.
Although maybe they should have said 'oh, it's okay, it's only Larson. They're middle class, nothing to see here'.

I don't actually think its an unreasonable question to ask, it would have been contextualised.

Think about it from the teacher's point of view.
Young child playing in the park, perhaps playing families and telling another child off.
Jane: "No! That's not how you tell someone off for being naughty!"
Teacher: "So Jane, how do you tell someone off for being naughty?"
Jane: "You hit them."
Teacher: "Why do you think that's what you do?"
Jane: "Because Daddy beat my brother when he was being naughty."

Red flag, red flag!
Of course she/he's going to take that further.

It's crap, OP, but everyone is just doing their job and sadly these things are often indicators of domestic abuse.

So long as you haven't done anything wrong, there'll be nothing to worry about.

I don't actually think its an unreasonable question to ask, it would have been contextualised.

Think about it from the teacher's point of view.
Young child playing in the park, perhaps playing families and telling another child off.
Jane: "No! That's not how you tell someone off for being naughty!"
Teacher: "So Jane, how do you tell someone off for being naughty?"
Jane: "You hit them."
Teacher: "Why do you think that's what you do?"
Jane: "Because Daddy beat my brother when he was being naughty."

Red flag, red flag!
Of course she/he's going to take that further.

It's crap, OP, but everyone is just doing their job and sadly these things are often indicators of domestic abuse.

So long as you haven't done anything wrong, there'll be nothing to worry about.

Children do sometimes say odd things. I think it is for the teacher to question the child further and appropriately. My DS nearly got us reported to social services when he told his teacher I never gave him breakfast. He failed mention that his dad gave him breakfast at 530 in the morning. I do think kids say weird things sometimes but reporting it to social services without further question to the child of what he meant us odd.

Sorry op, but the school did the right thing by not informing you. It is not their job to investigate when your children say alarming things, it is their job to refer that on to the correct agency, which is children's services.

So if another child told their teacher that their parents beat them would you be happy for the teacher to ignore it?

And no, the school should not have discussed with you first.

Also anyone who works in a school will be told if a child discloses something don't ask any questions just write down what they've said and pass it on. That is current safeguarding policy for almost every service which works with children.

no teacher or anyone from school had talked to us or raised any concerns so I am quite annoyed with the school.

Imagine you are a 4 year old victim of abuse and you make a disclosure to an adult. The school calls your parents in for a chat but decides everything is fine. What do you think happens to that 4 year old next?

Roll with it. I have had them involved with my son (and in my case, it was necessary). Provided you work with them and openly communicate with them, all will be fine. It's not a slur, or something to be afraid of. It sounds like a dreadful misunderstanding. Try to avoid going on the defensive if possible, while stating your circumstances clearly and reasonably. Don't panic.

Do social services seriously investigate families, including the interviewing of young children alone on the basis of one comment from a four year old?

And people aren't astonished/appalled by that?!

We had this happen to us when we were kids, my brother said something about running up the stairs to get away from dad hitting him - which technically, yes, is what happened, but actually they were running around the house playing silly idiots, and dad was trying to swat him playfully, not in angry punishment.

My little sister saw them off, when asked if Mum and Dad ever hit us, she said 'Oh yes, but only if I'm very naughty!' I think that our open honesty, and clear lack of fear of our parents re-assured them because we never heard anything more.

There are also lots of safeguarding layers within a school. A teacher may discuss the issue privately with the safeguarding officer ( often the head or assistant head in their absence) and they will either monitor the situation, they can report it as an anonymous thing and ask for advice or they can refer it to social services. The safeguarding officer has lots of training in this field. Rarely is inappropriate action taken.

Surely, its better to be safe than sorry?

Professionals should seek, in general, to discuss concerns with the family

Surely those concerns are more relating to neglect than abuse though?

So if a child has mentioned they don't get breakfast, it makes more sense to talk to the family directly to see if there is a reason why and offer them support, refer them to breakfast club etc.

But if a child says they are being beaten, that needs to go to an appropriate agency.

The school was absolutely right, and the agencies worked promptly and thoroughly. Good.

"Middle class". Ffs.

whisperingloudly would you rather social services ignored allegations on the basis the child is only four, and in doing so potentially left a child in a harmful situation? why would you take that chance just because they are a child?

Really sorry this has happened OP but as others have said just let them so what they need to do, they're just being responsible. Sounds hard though!

I am really struggling to warm to you after the 'middle class' comment though. Do you think those in other 'classes' (yuck!) are more likely to abuse children?