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Original poster

Talk to me about 4 year age gaps

23 replies

MrsNuckyThompson · 25/09/2016 07:44

After taking what felt like forever to conceive DC2 I am now 14 weeks pregnant. Yay!
DS will either have just turned or be about to turn 4 when Dc2 arrives.

I keep fretting about the age gap. In some ways it will make it much easier for me because DS will be at nursery 5 mornings per week and then midway through mat leave will start reception. So I should have plenty of time to focus on the new baby AND will be there for DS starting school instead of working full time.

But will they actually ever play together? Just not sure the likelihood of them getting engrossed in something together or spending time mucking about in the garden. By the time DC is remotely ready to really play DS will be nearly 6!!

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AddictedtoGreys · 25/09/2016 07:46

There is a 4 year age gap between me and my brother and we always got on well. We would play together as kids and we are quite close now as adults. We argued like all siblings but the age gap never mattered.

Peskyelephant · 25/09/2016 20:44

I have a 3yr 8 month gap and DD started reception 2 months before I went back to work. They are now 20 months and 5 and do play together. There is some problems mainly around DS trashing DDs playmobil/lego but they get on well and the older one is old enough to look after herself a little. All gaps have advantages and disadvantages but it works for us.

BBB81 · 25/09/2016 21:06

I have 4 years between my two, I had the same worries about the gap being too big, however I can honestly say that I needn't have worried. The first 6 weeks were tough as my son was quite jealous of his new sister, but then something clicked and they adore each other. They are now 7 months and nearly 5 and have little games they play together, he drags her bouncy chair round so she can watch him play and she gets so excited when she sees him in the morning and after school. The only slightly tricky thing is him leaving tiny toys everywhere now she is starting to crawl, apart from that it really is a lovely age gap.

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whinetasting · 25/09/2016 21:11

There is nearly 5 years between me and DB- and now, as adults we get on extremely well. We also,p played together a bit as children, and I used to babysit and look after him after school.

There's also nearly 5 years between DD and DS and it's amazing to watch them. He thinks she's the coolest girl ever, and she really looks out for him. They've just spent hours playing Lego! There's no competition - DD had started reception by the time DS came along and so had other things going on (plus lots of previous uninterrupted mum time!) and so they work really well.

I was also worried, but as it is I wouldn't have it any other way.

whifflesqueak · 25/09/2016 21:15

just got back from dinner with my siblings.

4 years between us all: 21, 26 and nearly 30. we are very close and always laughing together. I recommend it. and congratulations!

youngestisapsycho · 25/09/2016 21:17

There are 4 years between my DDs. They are completely different, don't like the same things and fight like cat and dog! One is off on a school trip tomorrow for 5 days.... I'm sooo looking forward to a quiet house!

birdsdestiny · 25/09/2016 21:24

Mine are 11 and 7, they fight a lot but are also utterly lovely together. My youngest secretly looks up to his older brother. They play together all the time. Mostly bloody wrestling.

Andro · 26/09/2016 00:08

4 year gap here, boy and girl. They love each other but have nothing in common, never played together but never really fight either.

Original poster

MrsNuckyThompson · 26/09/2016 16:07

Thanks for all the - mainly very encouraging - messages. As someone said upthread, I guess there are pros and cons to any gap!

OP posts:

kiki22 · 26/09/2016 21:23

My niece and ds1 have 5 years between them and are so close they play together all the time (she is with us 3/4 days a week) if anything it's easier because she is old enough to be good at sharing and helping him. Ds2 is 5 weeks and there is 4.5 years between ds1 and ds2 so far it has been good in that ds1 is able to play while I deal with the baby and can understand why he needs to wait.

I would recommend starting to train ds1 to do things like get a snack open his own crisps/banana etc it is a life saver when feeding the baby to be able to say to DS get a yogurt from the fridge if he's hungry instead of having him wait 20 mins.

inkyford · 27/09/2016 06:38

There is a four years gap between my brother and me.

RoseDeGambrinus · 27/09/2016 07:09

DS1 had just started reception when DS2 was born. I would rather DS2 was a summer baby as they have a 5 year school gap, aargh, but in other ways it works well. DS2 going to school gave me a break to sleep in the day and DS1 was never jealous, always lovely to his little brother! Obviously they started fighting a bit when DS2 was able to snatch things off him. I guess as 2 and 6 year olds they probably play together independently as much as a 2 year old and a 4 year old would?

PapaEmeritus · 27/09/2016 07:21

I have a 4 year 4 month gap between DS1 and DS2. I think DS1 found it hard to start school knowing I'd be at home all day with his new brother; but really, he could have found it hard starting school anyway!
Now they are 8 and 4 and they are so close. DS2 has just started school and has his own fan club of Year 4 boys who think he's brilliant DS1 gets in his bed and reads stories to him, he lets him play with all his Lego, they are into the same cartoons etc
It really has worked out better than I expected (so far!)
Congratulations on your pregnancy

Ilovenannyplum · 27/09/2016 07:28

There is 4 years between my sister and I. She's my best friend, growing up with her was fab.
Congrats OP

cloudyday99 · 27/09/2016 07:33

I found it was good when DD was a baby - a 4 year old is much easier that toddler alongside a baby. And he was lovely with her. They also played together really well when DD was aged about 2-7. They then had a harder phase when younger child wanted to play and older one wanted a bit of peace. But now as both teens they get on pretty well again.

MrsBellefleur · 27/09/2016 07:33

I'm glad you started this thread Nucky as I'm in the same boat, 14 weeks today with number 2, due 3 days after dd's 4th birthday! It's good to know the age gap can work.

BubbaLazaroo · 27/09/2016 07:55

My eldest DD is 7 and my youngest is 17 months!
My eldest expressed a lot of jealousy on and off for the first few months, but due to her age was able to talk it through.
Now her little sister is walking and trying to talk they have developed a lovely bond (eldest loves the fact the little one follows her around calling her name in the most adoring tones!)
I definitely enjoy having time with the youngest while the eldest is at school.
Congratulations btw!

Mrsbadger77 · 27/09/2016 07:56

On the flip side fwiw there is only 20 months between me and db and we've never got on or been close. As adults we are practically strangers, which makes me sad. We are very different people. So a small age gap is no guarantee of anything. I'm almost 38 weeks pg and my just turned 4 year old cannot wait to be a big sister! Good luck.

Ilovewillow · 27/09/2016 08:08

Is have a 5 yr age gap between my children - 8 yr old daughter and 3 yr old son! It's great as he gets plenty of 1:1 whilst she is at school and with 3 days at pre-school (home at 5.30 as its attached to a nursery) she gets 1:1 time after school some days too! To start with my daughter loves helping out then from when my son was mobile to about 2.5 yrs he was an irritation mainly. Now they do play together mostly outdoor games and he loves to copy his sister so actually developmentally I think he has benefitted. I wouldn't have done it any differently although we had IVF for both so didn't really have a choice in the matter! Congratulations

ElodieS · 27/09/2016 10:44

My DTs are 4 and I'm expecting DC3 in December, by which time they'll be 5. To be honest, we just weren't ready to consider another baby for ages after they were born, partly because it was such hard work in the beginning with twins and partly because of their health. I have some of the same anxieties as you, but I can also imagine them taking the new baby under their wings which is quite nice... may just have to have another to give DC3 a companion too!

Myfanwyprice · 27/09/2016 10:58

My dc are 10 & 6, they do play together pretty well - they both love Pokemon at the moment and seem to spend hours chatting about it, they do really argue, but I suppose that happens with most siblings.

Ds started school while I was on maternity leave and it was lovely being around for that and then having time with newborn dd.

I really wanted a small age gap - was hoping for just over a year, but my body had other ideas, I am really happy with the age gap though.

AngryPrincess · 27/09/2016 11:00

My two have a 7 year gap. They play together, they're very close, and DS was the first and the best at making baby DD laugh.

exexpat · 27/09/2016 11:10

I have four years and two months between my two (DS is older). It was probably easier for me when DD was little, as DS was already at kindergarten and was more independent, but got more difficult as they got older as they had very different interests, didn't ever really play together, and went through an awful bickering phase when DS was about 9-12 and was really horrible to DD, but she at times played up to that and annoyed him on purpose.

They are now 18 and 13 and get on fine with each other, but I can't say that they actively choose to spend time doing things together. I'm waiting to see how things pan out as they get older.

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