I screamed at my toddler this morning

[ImYourWomanJonSnow]

Usual morning rush in the household this morning - got up first to make breakfast, wash hair, started doing makeup (running late), DP jumps into shower, mirror mists over, take a small folding mirror into kitchen to finish getting ready, DS (2.5), starts grabbing the mirror, cue several times calmly telling him that I needed it, and then finally I snapped and just shouted "Pleeease" in a horrible dragon voice. The shock on his little face and tears and distress... I feel absolutely awful, so disappointed with myself... I did apologise and gave him a kiss, but what do I do now? Should I be extra nice and attentive to make it up to him? How do you cope with stress/morning rush/no space for yourself?

He'll be fine. I raised my voice at DS1 (nearly 4) today because he sang over me and rolled on the floor when I was talking

Dare I suggest getting up half an hour earlier to solve the rush?

I read somewhere that you should be aware of things that stress you out and warn people accordingly. For example I get really grumpy while brushing my tuggy hair in the morning so I ask before I do it that people leave me alone for a couple of minutes so I can brush my hair. It sometimes works :)

Welcome to the real world where even the best parents lose their shit sometimes. Toddler will be fine and might even start to compute that you can only push people so far, even mummy.

He will have forgotten it in an hour, honestly. They tend to just be shocked that you raised your voice.

Mines 2 I've screeched a handful of times at him, many are when he's doing something dangerous like climbing up the curtains like a cat once however was for biting me rally hard and he broke the skin so I screamed "stop now, very naughty, not nice" I then walked out of the room as he had his tantrum.

In the nicest possible way, get a grip

My mum had 3 of us and we were quite loud and boisterous. She shouted at us fairly regularly. We all adore her! Kids do your head in sometimes. You're a human being as well as a mum!

for you.

I worry about a world where parents are discouraged from ever reacting normally to a situation for fear of upsetting their children. It's good to be fair and gentle and loving but it's also healthy for children to see normal reactions (not hitting obviously but being angry and/or upset) to them hurting you or being too demanding and self centred (which all kids are but need to learn not to be at some point). As long as voices are not raised so often it becomes the norm and children are loved and feel secure in their families then demanding some compliance and good behaviour for the benefit of other family members is an important lesson I think. Even at two.

Don't beat yourself up - everyone loses their shit from time to time.

He's already forgotten it, I promise you.

dolly

I agree.

Totally agree with Dolly. Your toddler was being a total pain and you raised your voice at him and he got a shock. Fine, totally normal. No of course you don't have to make it up to him!

My friend had a whiney 4 year old who she gets hacked off with but never expresses this too her, cue ongoing whining with no idea of the impact of the whining on others. It's good for children to see that adults can experience strong emotions and that it's ok and normal to express them in safe ways

Hey, we all lose our shit! As long as you apologised and hugged him, which I see you did, then try not to worry about it. Kids see us in all manner of situations and learn from our reactions,
I suspect he learned to leave Mummy's mirror alone when she says so!
Forgive yourself, let it go and spend some time 1 on 1 with him to alleviate any guilt! :)

What everyone else has said. You sound like a lovely mum.

I think it is important actually to acknowledge if you've overreacted, to demonstrate that you try to handle strong emotions and are aware of the impact on others.

I had a reality check the other day when I was driving and DS2 (21 months ) was in the back. I suddenly realised that what he was babbling away to himself was

"DS1! Upstairs. Now!"

Hmm.

What you've modelled to him is an adult getting frustrated, losing their temper, but very quickly regaining control, apologising and showing immediate affection, exactly the way you should deal with such feelings. These are good, positive lessons on how to be emotionally healthy. He will encounter such emotions himself as he gets older, and it's really important that you model how to handle them, which is what you did.

Ah wow thank you everyone.
I don't have an issue with disciplining DC (and I do tell him off in kind but firm voice and some things are just a no however much he complains about it). But I don't believe that being angry is the way to do it - I don't want my child to be scared of me; I come from authoritarian/smacking-based parenting style and decided I really don't want to be the parent that my mum was; this is why I feel I failed on this occasion.

I already get up half an hour before everyone to start making breakfast and get myself ready, but some mornings are so stressful. I think it's a good idea that Elllicam had to warn everyone to give me a few minutes on my own...

I've lost it with my toddler, especially since my baby arrived and he started acting up more. If he's misbehaving I try and take deep breaths while counting to 10 to calm myself down. I also visualise the look on his face when I've previously yelled at him as it makes me feel guilty enough to stay calm.

Everyone flips on occasion. We're not saints and toddlers especially cannot always understand boundaries. You are doing fine.