So, how did our parents do it then?!

[Luckystar1]

I'm intrigued really.

We often get 'advice' from people, especially our own parents/grandparents, in relation to bringing up our children.

For example, the most recent thing from my father, is that I'll have to 'wean the baby off that soon' in relation to the baby (6 weeks) wanting to be constantly held and be in the sling. I also have a 22 month old so it mostly works for us all (although in fairness I would like to be able to put her down occasionally!)

I know for a FACT there is no way my parents did or would've carried me round constantly, so how did they do it?!

This is also in relation to things like getting us to sleep through the night etc.

The advice is given out as though it was so easy/obvious... So how did they do it?!

I'd be very interested to hear from those of my parent's generation (late 50s early 60s) as to how children were raised.

My mum had kids in the 70s and 80s and parented fairly similarly to how I do. She formula fed rather than breastfed but I know a few of her friends breastfed. I'm not sure about weaning tbh.

We weren't left to cry and i know DB and I were NOT good sleepers. Mum was offered sleeping medicine for DB but didn't give him it. Dsis was a perfect sleeper.

Mum lived where she'd grown up though so had a lot of family nearby to help out and went back to work when we were little.

I have 2 Dc at primary and breastfed, didn't do CC, baby led weAned at 5/6 months etc. Had one good sleeper and one horrendous non sleeper.

I don't have any family help at all though and didn't know anyone here when dc1 was little. Also I don't / can't work because childcare would just not work (dh works away a lot and irregular horse etc).

Erm we don't have an irregular horse.... Hours

Irregular horse

Just thinking about what my Auntie always says when I chat to her about "parenting" (when did that even become a thing?). She raised four kids all close in age, in the 80's in rural Ireland.

"We just did our best, you know? We didn't have a fucking clue, but we tried our best" ! She also says not having too much information was a blessing, no Internet or books telling you what you should or shouldn't be doing.

So I guess ignorance is bliss

Expectations of life are generally higher now. Every problem demands action until a solution is found. Masterful inaction is regarded as laziness and is totally out of fashion even though it is often the best thing to do. Getting through, toughing things out, riding out the storm are odd concepts. I think better education of society generally and higher attainment of women in the workplace probably both contribute.
Also the rise of guidelines, legislation, evidence based practices.

None of which really tie in very well with the potential unpredictablity of caring for a baby. I think this expectation-reality mismatch is a big part of the problem for the 'modern parent'.

Yes Breton I think your Auntie is probably right. I didn't read anything about babies before ds1 was born. I'd had younger siblings and my older sister had had babies. I knew they needed feeding, changing etc and expected that I'd manage just like dsis did.
There didn't seem to be any pressure to meet other people's expectations. I was thought soft because I didn't smack (because I had never been smacked) and strange because they didn't have dummies (because the sight of them made me gag) but no one tried to persuade me otherwise and I never sought reassurance that I was doing the right thing.
I never saw the HV because if you didn't phone she didn't visit so went with my instincts and what worked for us and so it seemed easier all round I suppose because there was none of the pressure.

Lucky

I bottle feed my first 3 and done a bit of both with my 4th

Don't get me wrong I didn't go straight to 4 hourly feed the second they were born but I definitely worked towards it from birth by spacing there feeds, getting that extra bit down them to make them go longer etc

I guess I always looked for cues that they were getting sleepy so always put them down just before they fell asleep so they quickly got used to it. I have never left a very young baby crying or distressed but have and still do now will wait and leave them for a few minutes if they are more just moaning

My youngest is now 2 and course we have had a odd night where she has woken due to illness, or no reason at all and I will go to them, shhh them, pat and tell them is sleep time and walk away (sometimes they will moan/grumble for a few minutes but I wait it out as I know they are tired and know they are able to settle

I guess because I had my first 3 in under 4 years I wasn't able to give 100% full attention as others still needed feeding, getting to school so they very quickly just slotted in.

I really can't advise about breast feeding, my friend had 4 children (first 3 all close together like me) all breast feed and we spent a lot of time together only thing I observed was that none of hers slept through until after a year old, she never had a routine and they feed whenever and slept on her after feeding to sleep and they were much more harder to settle and put down.... But that was her way of parenting and it worked for her

For me it would never of even crossed my mind to pop my baby in s sling if they were not settling, I don't believe you can spoil a baby and lots of cuddles and love it fine but I do think they very young they can get in habits

Also yes exactly like Disney said you tune in to there cries, that what I meant by cues, so I didn't go running immediately all the time

I think we trusted people a lot more. My grandmother raised four children, often on her own and went about everywhere with them on trains. She told me that if she had to take them off to the toilet or something she would just leave the baby with a stranger - preferably a soldier as she trusted them. I can't see people doing that so much nowadays. In fact my mother said she left us a lot on our own (in the garden to sleep in a pram, outside a shop etc) - made everything simpler!

Funny I should come across this thread. I've been watching a to series from a few years ago on YouTube about parents trying out different "parenting manuals" from the 50's, 60's and 70's, under the guidance of a mentor or specialises in each method.
I am truly shocked having watched the 1950's "mentor". She's a militant "Truby King method" maternity nurse, and watching her with a couple's premature twins, made me feel sick to my stomach. She was telling them that from the moment they came home from the hospital, they were to be put on a 4 hourly feeding schedule, where they would be force fed huge bottles of formula, winded and changed with as little eye contact as possible, then put down and not picked up again until the next feed, whether they cried or not The babies were put in their own room from birth at 7pm, the parents only went in the room to feed, then left them until 7am. No rocking to sleep, no comforting, pretty much no human affection whatsoever from birth This woman actually said the words "babies are manipulative" Those babies weren't mine, and all I wanted to do was pick them up and cuddle them I know people used to parent like that (and a minority still do!), but I cannot understand how a mother ignores her biological instinct to pick up her crying baby?!

Parents born in 50s. My mum brestfed on demand, cosleeping, no strict bedtime, no smacking, baby always on her hip while she pottered doing jobs. Shame she didn't have a sling option. My grandma must have done the same as she always had one hip a lot bigger and lopsided to the other from always having a baby there. Not sure it was as homogenous then as we are making it...same as today really.
I think maybe working mums were already getting more into that mindset in the 70s/80s as they had washing machines, not enough time to sit around the house worrying about it being clean and tidy, childminders and the hours with baby we're getting more precious as they weren't at home all day.

Eggy I remember that documentary being on tv, amid I thought I'd be one of those with the baby in the garden! How wrong I was in my youth!!

Can you remind me of the name please as I'd love to watch again.

I completely agree with you by the by!

Lucky it's called "Bringing Up Baby" - all four episodes are on YouTube!

One of my colleagues at work has just had twins. I was eavesdropping in horror the other day as he described how he left one "screaming on the floor for 20 minutes" (they are 4 weeks old), and the people he was talking to said about Controlled Crying and how they can't be allowed to dictate to you.

My parents were quite 'modern' in that my mum BF both of us, I was carried in a sling (made by my mum). My dad reports I was left to cry for short periods of time and my parents did not intervene immediately if I bumped myself when I fell. I don't know if I was BF on demand as my mum isn't around to ask but I know all I can recall of my childhood is happiness and contentment. I had my own cot, I didn't co-sleep. So, being left to cry and not co-sleeping hasn't damaged me at all!

Doesn't every generation as mothers have an innate wish to rebel against the ways of our own parents?

Aspects of that 'old style parenting' do fit in with how we parent our daughter, i) routine, the best thing we have ever done, ii) not breastfeeding on demand unless baby is hungry, intervals have absolutely worked, iii) not co-sleeping after 6 months, iv) not carrying in a sling as my disability (MS) just doesn't permit it, v) formula and expressed milk feeding once baby would take a bottle at 8 1/2 months as it really helped me cope with sleep deprivation and with a return to work and guess what, she is thriving. We do share everything 50:50 now I am back at work (well my husband probably does 90% of the cleaning!).

My parents were quite 'modern' in that my mum BF both of us, I was carried in a sling (made by my mum). My dad reports I was left to cry for short periods of time and my parents did not intervene immediately if I bumped myself when I fell. I don't know if I was BF on demand as my mum isn't around to ask but I know all I can recall of my childhood is happiness and contentment. I had my own cot, I didn't co-sleep. So, being left to cry and not co-sleeping hasn't damaged me at all!

Doesn't every generation as mothers have an innate wish to rebel against the ways of our own parents?

Aspects of that 'old style parenting' do fit in with how we parent our daughter, i) routine, the best thing we have ever done, ii) not breastfeeding on demand unless baby is hungry, intervals have absolutely worked, iii) not co-sleeping after 6 months, iv) not carrying in a sling as my disability (MS) just doesn't permit it, v) formula and expressed milk feeding once baby would take a bottle at 8 1/2 months as it really helped me cope with sleep deprivation and with a return to work and guess what, she is thriving. We do share everything 50:50 now I am back at work (well my husband probably does 90% of the cleaning!).

Eggy I've literally just started watching and I already want to punch that Truby 'mentor' in the face.

I just find it hard to equate that with my parents (and people above) saying they would never hold a sleeping baby etc... How have I suddenly no choice IYKWIM

You do have a choice, but it involves leaving her to cry for a few days until she adapts to not being held the whole time. I do think some babies are more high maintenance than others, but if you're following a strict routine from day one and are fine with leaving baby to cry, you're hardly going to notice if she craves more attention and physical contact.

Lucky it gets so much worse.

My grandmother was really impressed when she saw our sling and commented that it was just like the shawls she remembered her granny using to carry the babies as until they could walk they were carried. This would have been in the 1890's -1920's.

I don't just wonder how my parents did it. How did my great grandmother cope. First child in 1914 followed by 7 more the last two being twins in 1928. No washing machines, fridges or Tesco let alone disposable nappies, formula or wine. How on earth did she cope. I reckon she's think I've got such a cushty life.

I couldn't watch that Bringing up Baby programme. It got complaints for cruelty IIRC when it aired.

Eggy I will be seriously surprised if these couples continued. Surely they aren't just going to blindly continue?!!?!

Bertie Good!! Even my DH said while I was watching it "Surely that's some kind of neglect? Aren't those twins premature?!"
Watching her force those huge bottles of formula down them with it all spelling out the sides of their teeny mouths was horrific

Lucky keep watching.....have you got to the part where the Twins' grandmother turns up to visit yet??

No not yet, I'm dreading it!

Lucky lets just say, if they were my grandchildren and she spoke to me that way, I would tell her to get to fuck!!