So, how did our parents do it then?!

[Luckystar1]

I'm intrigued really.

We often get 'advice' from people, especially our own parents/grandparents, in relation to bringing up our children.

For example, the most recent thing from my father, is that I'll have to 'wean the baby off that soon' in relation to the baby (6 weeks) wanting to be constantly held and be in the sling. I also have a 22 month old so it mostly works for us all (although in fairness I would like to be able to put her down occasionally!)

I know for a FACT there is no way my parents did or would've carried me round constantly, so how did they do it?!

This is also in relation to things like getting us to sleep through the night etc.

The advice is given out as though it was so easy/obvious... So how did they do it?!

I'd be very interested to hear from those of my parent's generation (late 50s early 60s) as to how children were raised.

Some of these are a bit

I imagine the majority of us were born in the 60s/70s/80s/90s - hardly the 1800s!

Attitudes have changed a lot, though. I was both in the early 1980s and I know I was ignored and left to my own devices a lot more than seems to be the case now. One thing that does make me is the way on holiday I'd be left to "play" (and swim) alone on the beach whilst my parents sunbathed. I mean, anything could have happened!

Goodness, people have a very jaundiced view of how children were brought up in earlier times. I had 4 children in the 60s. Yes you put them outside in the pram, because a large pram in the hall or living room was inconvenient. Not all of us lived near family and friends, and there was some concern about the plight of young mothers who were isolated with a young baby all day. In fact the play group movement was started, not so much for the children's benefit, but so mothers could could get involved with each other. I was lucky, as all my children fed well and slept well between feeds, even during the night. And my husband wasn't disturbed during the night, as he slept like a log and I was breastfeeding anyway. As for leaving them to cry, I certainly didn't rush to pick them up at the first whimper, but never left them crying for longer than 10 minutes. No washing machine until the 3rd baby.

Agreed. And you can't actually tell how effective or ineffective your methods were, until they are adults.

Yes Isolation of parents well mothers was well documented in the 60s and i went to 1 of those new fangled playgroups in 1972/3 it was the first 1 in our village we were not all locked behind baby gates and ignored our mums did do things with us.

Chawraetag I had two in the eighties I wouldn't say your dm was typical but there were plenty who did the same. I FF most of my friends and family did the same even though dm had breast fed me and my five siblings.
I had strict routines ds's were fed every three to four hours (I didn't let them cry) they would sleep in the garden between feeds or I'd walk them in the pram every afternoon. Weaning was recommended between twelve and sixteen weeks and I was seen as late for waiting to sixteen weeks.
I didn't smack ever but I was an oddity as it was pretty much the expected discipline choice.
Ds's slept through from six weeks probably because of all the fresh air and plenty of feeds during the day but it was encouraged to establish day from night from the off so night feeds were done in the dark no nappy change and no talking. It was believed that if baby was twelve pounds they didn't need a night feed and so only water would be offered to encourage them to sleep through.
Mine never slept in my bed but I did do patting and shushing in the cot as it wasn't the done thing to take them out so as to not encourage night waking.
Have to admit that I do sometimes think we make a meal of things these days, I had dd in 2003 and did the same again and I was always less tired, less stressed and seemed to have it far easier than my friend who did things the more expected way.

I fed every 3 hours they didnt realy cry because they were starving it was feed change cuddle and back to sleep with newborns they settled ok of course you got upset days Dd1 had horrific colic so you were rockng walking the floor in her pram out her pra,m for an hour or 2 till it passed.

My siblings and I were born mid 70s to early 80s and actually my mum parented pretty similarly to how I have. She was very much a breastfeed on demand, never leave to cry type mother. We did used to sleep outside in a big pram though with a cat net!!

I think the main difference is my dad wasn't nearly as hands on as a lot of men are now. He rarely changed nappies, looked after us alone etc as that wasn't the 'done thing'. My mum must of been exhausted as had my brother and sister only 14 months apart. He regrets it now and loves seeing how much DH and my brother do with their kids. He's a far more hands on Grandpa than he was a Dad!

I guess what I'd like to know is... Did these things actually work?!

The strict routines and the not picking up and the leaving to cry? Obviously we're advised completely to the contrary now.

Did the babies eventually submit to no longer crying/only feeding every 3 hours/sleeping through the night? Or where they just ignored until they naturally reached a point where they'd have done it anyway?

I know it's difficult to know the answer to that of course, but surely someone's baby was still screaming and waking up until they were relatively old (if the way things were done then didn't work).

I know for me (1986) my father has told me categorically that he did all night feeds, he left my brother to cry as a newborn and that he always did my bedtime but one night he was away and when he came home, I obviously hadn't settled so I'd been left to cry to the point I was slumped against the cot. I get very upset by that thought!

My parents were born in the late 50s and parented us pretty much how I parent my children. We were breastfed, not left to cry, not weaned til 4 months, very rarely smacked.

To be fair I didn't ever carry mine around or put them in a sling and they are young teenagers now. I wouldn't leave them to cry ever but I definitely couldn't have coped with carrying them around or holding them all the time. Can't remember or know what my parents did with me but I think I am ok now!

Strict routines worked for some babies and didn't for others, just like nowadays. Babies are no different.

Sometimes babies grunt and grumble before they go to sleep they are tired and cranky so a whinge as they were going over was left a scream the house down was responded to Imagine an adult cuddiling us as we try and fall asleep it can be uncomfy and we can get cranky. I formula fed so it is different to breastfeeding isn't it? But if my babies were hungry at 2hrs 45 they got fed mine were demand fed hourly with small amounts they were prem but they built up to 3/4 hours themselves. I do think babies are fussed over a lot more than i fussed over mine doesn't mean they were left though its a balance this parenting malarky

my mom took my sister to the doctors because she cried all the time (born 1972) the doctor's advice was baby aspirin in a bottle of ovaltine put the baby in the cot shut the door and turn the tv up

they continued the close the door attitude when i was born in 1975 i retaliated by soiling my terry nappies taking them off and leaving them on the end of the cot preferring to sleep with my arse in the wind (writing this it has just occurred to me where my youngest gets his nudist tendencies from he likes to sleep bare bum too )

I was a nursery nurse amillion years ago and child development milestones have not really changed I think parenting is fundementally the same .

Well my babies didn't really cry so they never had to submit. They'd wake, I'd change and feed and cuddle and then back in the pram. They'd never really wake before three hours (if they did I'd walk them in the pram or pat and shush) so when they did they would be fed again. If they slept more than three and a half hours I'd wake to feed.

If they woke in the night I'd pat and shush, there was no 4 month sleep regression, I'd never heard of it, they just slept through. My sisters' and friend's children slept through it was unusual IME to have to get up in the night to a baby that was older than three months and the HV would have advised weaning or rusk in the bottle before bed if you'd mentioned it.

Nowt wrong with an old fashioned pat and shush

My mum in the mid 70s (formula) fed on demand, carried me in a cloth wrap sling, did baby-led weaning etc. MIL, on the other hand, having her first child in the same year, followed HVs advice on the strict routines and leaving to cry etc.

My grandmother was of the pram outside / gripewater generation, and when my mum's father was minding the baby he apparently favoured a wee drop of whisky in the bottle too ;-)

I read a brilliant book when DD was a baby it was like a literature review of famous parenting guides and their place in history Bringing up baby by Daisy Goodwin I think.

Gina Ford and routines as both parents are likely to be out at work.
Leaving babies outside to make them hardy when we were at war a lot as child would be a good soldier etc.
Spock when women were encouraged to be at home to make parenting a 'job'. I guess instead of going out of the home.

Like MrsJayy I don't think babies were fussed over so much back in the 80s if they were clean and fed and asleep then you got on with other stuff. I would never have held a sleeping baby, they were fed winded and put down to settle when they were dozy, they might grumble but the pram would be pushed or they would be patted but I wouldn't have nursed them to sleep. Likewise if they were awake in the pram just looking at the string of toys I wouldn't pick them up until they grumbled.
It was how things were done, nowadays a baby in the house seems to be such a big thing with expected exhaustion and disruption and their needs filling every waking minute.
Dh went back to work the day I came out of hospital and life continued as it had before. I'd still done all the cleaning, there was always a meal ready, having a baby didn't seem a huge task to do alongside tbh.

My mum did some really 'old school' things with us in the 70s - like leaving us outside in our prams for 'fresh air', dipping her finger in brandy for teething pain (actually, I think that was my granny! ), giving us porridge in a bottle with the teet hole cut a bit wider to 'fill us up so we would sleep' (at about 5 months old). All stuff that would be frowned on now.

However, she also did a kind of 'attachment parenting' thing, in retrospect (although she wouldn't have called it that at the time). She carried us all the time, co-slept until we were about 2 or 3 years old, soothed us to sleep every night etc.

My parents were told (and still believe) that crying was good for babies' lungs. Maybe it would be easier to leave one crying if you though it was helpful?

DH's siblings were all extremely pukey babies. Rather than worry about reflux, MIL used to just spread a few sheets of newspaper on the floor and lie then in the middle.

Mum told me that crying was good for the lungs really mum it isn't. I have a disabilty so as my babies got heavier i couldnt carry them so they were moved about the house in either a baby bouncer or a seat then a baby walker or the crawled about after me i think they were just as attached to be as a baby in a sling attachment is a big deal and IMO some mums get very stressed about attachment theroy and it working or not

I couldn't have coped with attachment parenting tbh. I hate having my space invaded, I like my bed to myself and I wouldn't want a baby in my arms or on my lap constantly.I find babies pretty boring if I'm honest.I don't think attachment parenting is wrong but it seems such hard work and most definitely isn't for me.

For us 'attachment parenting' was just the easy way to do stuff

Co sleeping - didnt really have space for cot, plus travelled a lot so was more convient baby could just sleep wherever we did

Sling - I was working from home from when both babies a few weeks old. Was easy to just dump them in sling and semi forget about them whilst I worked. Could just poke boob in their mouth if they made noises

Breastfeeding - see above. Effort to get up and prep bottle. Plus with travel the water was usually not clean and awkward making fresh bottles in hotel rooms/ on planes/ boats/ desert

This is all so interesting. Babies can't have changed, so maybe our parenting is creating these fussing babies? Who knows.

My DD spends the whole day in the sling, she will not sleep and cries if out if it or my arms... But is that basically a cycle I've created?

'Older' techniques (and comments on this thread) would suggest it is, whereas 'new' advice would say I'm psychologically damaging her if I let her cry. So what do you do?

It certainly does seem babies were 'easier'in a bygones age, but whether that is true or a social construct it's hard (impossible!) to know!