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Parenting

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Original poster

Terrified to take my baby anywhere

11 replies

lonzo82 · 15/09/2016 14:05

I'm just wondering if anyone has felt similar and how did you get over it? I'm a pretty anxious person at best of times but now DD is here I'm struggling to build up any confidence to take her anywhere other than a daily local Pram walk. Just booked a baby massage/yoga thing online in a fit of bravery which would mean a bit of travel now I wish I hadn't. DD is 15 weeks and gets pretty frustrated quite quickly if overtired or hungry and yells to point of rage to let me know! I don't drive and I'm starting to feel I'm not making the most of this time with her due to my own fears. Not sure how to talk myself out of it... Would love some advice?

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BarbarianMum · 15/09/2016 14:09

Could I ask what it is you are anxious about? I don't mean that flippantly, just whether it is her safety, or you being able to look after her in public (would it bother you if she did cry), or is it the travel, or the meeting people?

BexusSugarush · 15/09/2016 16:10

I can sympathise as I went through something quite similar. First of all I would highly suggest talking to either your health visitor or your GP about your anxiety. It is completely normal as a new mum to feel this way, but the sooner you talk to someone about it the better. As for taking your baby out, start with little things, like take her to the shops to get some dinner. The way I did it was I forced myself to get to the shops to make my partner a lovely surprise dinner after work, and he enjoyed it so much that it encouraged me to go out to the shops more to make him surprise dinners.

I also don't drive and was very reluctant about taking the pram on the bus at first but after doing it once or twice (with someone else, to start with) it's not so bad. You'll be surprised how many people are considerate enough to offer help/move out of your way.

Do you have any other new mum friends you can meet for a coffee? I know your main worry is dd crying but that is VERY normal for a baby. Most people you see out and about will sympathise and if they don't, you need to find a way to ignore them. You have this beautiful little baby and news flash world: babies cry.

But my main advice is talking to a health professional. Once you do and something is sorted you'll wonder how you ever left it so long to take baby out and show her off to the world xx

sunnydayinmay · 15/09/2016 16:14

It took me weeks to pluck up the courage to go to a regular meetup with my post natel class. In the same end, it was the best thing I did, particularly with my colicky, tricky first born.

Yes, talk to your HV, and find an activity that doesn't overwhelm you. It will be fine.

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Original poster

lonzo82 · 15/09/2016 16:52

Thanks everyone, it's the not being able to calm her down in public I think. I'm avoiding trains and buses but take her out in Pram. Only thing is I'm timing it as best I can for when I know she's tired I haven't had to just 'go' anywhere really.
I've spoken to HV and counselling is on the cards it's just a bit of a waiting list so I thought I would ask around to find out others tackled similar feeling

OP posts:

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 15/09/2016 16:59

So you take an extra bottle or if you're bf just feed her if she needs it. If you're on a bus and feel uncomfortable, just get off at the next stop and wait for the next one when she's calmer.

Start off slowly and build up gradually as you get more confident

JeNeRegretteRien · 15/09/2016 19:37

My baby is a similar age to yours and, while she's generally quite a happy little person, when she cries it gets very loud very quickly, so we have had some difficult times out and about. I've taken to using a sling instead of her buggy recently and things have been much better - she rarely cries in the sling and will fall asleep much more easily if she's tired. It's also so much more practical on public transport!

charliedontsurf · 15/09/2016 19:44

I had the same worries when my DD was born. I used to get a bit panicky that she'd cry and people would scowl at me. The more I did it though, the less scary it got and now (she's 17 months) it's pretty easy going despite her little tantrums! There was a couple of times where she cried on the bus or at a baby group but I tried to remember that it's normal for babies to cry. No one batted an eyelid. If anyone has a problem with your baby making noise then they're an arsehole!

Have you got anyone you can take with you for the first few times? Maybe DP can book a day off and come to the baby massage with you? I didn't go to any groups until DD was 10 weeks old and I found that meeting other parents with babies around the same age really useful and made me feel tonnes better.

Luckystar1 · 15/09/2016 19:53

OP, I have a 22 month old and a 6 week old.

When the older one was a baby, I was petrified of him crying when we went out, I found it very stressful and I too worried I wouldn't be able to calm him.

I would completely agree with those who say do it bit by bit, to gain confidence and I especially endorse the sling.

But mostly I'd say, being in baby 2 and having dealt with (and dealing with!) a screamer and tantrums and everything else, I genuinely don't give two hoots if the baby cries now, I don't apologise etc, I just don't care. You will get to that place too!

Also, everything seems easier when you're out, and screaming seems less loud when there are other noises drowning it out!!

frozensmoothie · 15/09/2016 20:07

I'm going through the same. My DD is 17 weeks and I only plucked up the courage to take her on the bus with DH on Monday! She is a fussy feeder and I'm breastfeeding so as well as her crying I'm also worried about trying to feed her in public. I started out small and gradually built up what we did. Started with going out for short walks, then longer walks, then into town, then for coffee/lunch, then baby groups and we've just started yoga and have massage starting next week. I'm still anxious but not as bad as I was. Meeting other mums and and babies, going to groups where all the babies are crying at some point and going to places with DH and my mum really helped. I feel so much better when I've left the house and interacted with people.

Original poster

lonzo82 · 15/09/2016 20:51

Thanks so much for the advice folks it's really helped me feel more positive and like its not just me
I'm going to use the sling to go to this massage class and I'll get DP to come with me the first time. One stop on the train so fingers crossed

OP posts:

sunnydayinmay · 15/09/2016 21:55

Good luck. And it is definitely not just you.

I was chatting to a friend a few months ago, who reminded me of the first time we met. I was sobbing in the M & S carpark because I'd taken ds1 out on my own for the first time, and I simply couldn't do it. She showed me son, who was around three months older and said "see, it gets easier".

Always remembered this chat, but no idea it was her! And she was absolutely right.

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