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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

wives of dhs in IT who are away a lot - we'd like our own heading sign up here

26 replies

FluffyMummy123 · 03/02/2007 17:54

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OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

bundle · 03/02/2007 17:55

wot about us, hardworking meeeeja types, with dh's on long shoots?

Original poster

FluffyMummy123 · 03/02/2007 17:55

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OP posts:

Cappuccino · 03/02/2007 17:55

I have a husband who works in the arts and is always at home

but I defend my right to join this thread

specially since no other thread is worth joining at this precise moment in time

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General parenting

Original poster

FluffyMummy123 · 03/02/2007 17:56

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OP posts:

bundle · 03/02/2007 17:57

I'd like to be the Voice of Wimmin Whose DH is At Home Cooking Plaice For Their Daughters

bundle · 03/02/2007 17:58

how's your dishwasher btw?

PanicPants · 03/02/2007 17:58

What about ones that are ALWAYS late home?

Blandmum · 03/02/2007 17:58

I think it is slightly different, because posting happen,when they happen and you have no say in the matter.

And when they go away, pepople are often taking pot shots at them.

And when you move, you may well not know anyone within a radious of several hundrad miles, and have no family back up at all.

And when shit happens in that situation, it is very hard to cope.

And yes, we do know what it is like when we marry them. But that doesn't stop things being tough.

3 months after my dh and I got married He went into work for a lock in exercise and two of our friends crashed and died. In the first 5 years of married life, we lost 5 friends.

That tends not to happen much in ICT

Blandmum · 03/02/2007 18:00

And it was such fun when one of our mates tried to eject but couldn't, and burned to death.

Cappuccino · 03/02/2007 18:00

still broken

and since dh has been on the roof all day pulling the slates off, a trip to Currys has been Off Limits

Original poster

FluffyMummy123 · 03/02/2007 18:03

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McDreamy · 03/02/2007 18:08

FWIW I would welcome a category esp at the moment as I'm having a really hard time with DH away at the moment.

Blandmum · 03/02/2007 18:09

So don't read it. Ignore that part of MN.

All I can say that having lived as a civilian, and lived on base there are things that civies don't understand. there are things that forces people have to put up with that most people will have no experience of.

The isolation can be total. last time I moved with dh I knew him, and dd(who was 20 months) and No-one else. No-one closer than 200 miles. And a woman in that situation might need to unload to someone who is in the same situation.

Waving your dh off, and not knowing if you will ever see him again, at the age of 28 in not something that I will ever forget.

I will not use this part of the board either. Although dh is effectivly still in the RAF he is practicaly invaleded out. So I will never need this board, rather like you will never need it.

Bit I don't think you should limit it for other people. And I don't think you can compare the time away, the stresses are not quite the same.

SoupDragon · 03/02/2007 18:11

I think that being a Forces Family does have a different set of issues than being an ordinary family. I don't think the deaths of friends is one of them though - deaths can happen in many jobs. However, the absences and postings are kind of unique to the forces. My brother is often gone for months at a time sometimes with little notice and with no regard for school holidays . He's always lived off base though so his family life has always been fairly normal

SoupDragon · 03/02/2007 18:13

I'm not entirely convinced it warrents a topic all of its own though, but I'm not sure how many forces families there are on MN.

Blandmum · 03/02/2007 18:30

You are right, deaths can happen in may jobs. But they happen more in the Forces. And they happen in the line of work, which does make things different. We lost 5 freinds in 5 years. I've never lost a work collegue, to death in work, or out of work, in over 20 years.

We also live 'off base' and try to have as normal a life as possible. But that is impossible someimes. Over one period of two years, dh was away for a year, in 3 month 'blocks'.

A frind of mine was horribly stressed at one point , her dh was away for 3 weeks out of 4 and they were ttc. the only week he was home she was having her period! things like this tend not to happen so often if you are a civilan

Scootergirl · 03/02/2007 18:36

Interesting how someone can be "professionally sick of the Army"? Is that like a vocation or something?
TBH there is nothing which can compare to Army life. Yes, other people's LO go away for long periods and yes, other people's LO's move jobs and take their families to places they've never been before and yes, other people do run the risk of death or serious injury in their jobs.
BUT it's rare to get all three together outside the forces.
We moved to Germany, knowing no-one, when DS was six weeks old and DD was 2.6. Three weeks later DH went to Afghanistan for six months.
So maybe yes, we do deserve a bit of our own.
And if you don't like it, as mb says, don't read it.

whatisthepoint · 03/02/2007 18:51

I'm totally with you all - If this happens it will be used a lot more that some of the other categories! I LOVE MN for all the support and laughs it offers - but sometimes when DH is away - it wold be great to talk to someone going through exactly the same & it appears there are loads of us on here. In May my DH will be going to Iraq for the 2nd time since we've had our DD and she is only 3! I can only desciribe the last tour as the most horrendous 6 months of my life, the base where DH was at was being mortared every single day, roadside bombs were everywhere. He saw 2 of his mates killed there and I'm sorry but it is different to other jobs. I know what we let ourselves into marryng into the forces but it still so hard. I feel sick already and its 3 months away.

munz · 03/02/2007 18:56

MB - as always thank god you've come onto a thread to say it as it is

forces fmaily are no more special than any other - and yes cod they do have sites for forces familys - I bet they have them for syleing as well and things like that but where certain things are concerned it's good it's on a parenting site - liek how to tell your child daddy's away etc.

it's good to have somewhere online to tlak and say things you wouldn't to your friends even thou they know exactly what you're going thru, but you feel you can't.

Cappuccino · 03/02/2007 18:58

ooh I didn't know it was an issue when I came on

I think they should have a topic

sallystrawberry · 03/02/2007 19:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

frenziednester · 03/02/2007 20:13

I really don't see why you should object Icod - I certainly wouldn't object to any of the other subsections on here even if they don't apply to me. As for people saying that deaths can happen in any other job - as true as that is, imagine listening to the news every day from Afghanistan or Iraq and hearing 'another soldier has died' and wondering if that is your loved one. We are often moved at v short notice as family, have to cope with parenting issues (especially those of us who are accompanying abroad) for which there is inadequate support and to know how someone else has for example mobilised SSAFA or the Army benevolent Fund, or the Army Welfare system to cope with a child who has just been diagnosed with ADHD, or suffered a nessy miscarriage with no family to support or help with the other 2 children surely is a lot more positive than bellyaching that you are sick of the Army. If you don't like it, don't read it, but don't try and undermine those of us who are trying a little bit of harmless self help.

mankyscotslass · 04/02/2007 09:03

A the sister of a soldier who is going back to Iraq in 3 mths,(specialist job) after only being back in Germany for 4 mths, I think a thread like this is a great idea...My SIL was totally isolated when they posted to germany 8 years ago (he has had one further posting and extensions), The second posting was worse, they were off camp. i know at the time she would have appreciated something like this. I hope it takes off for all the ladies who need it.

twoplusone · 04/02/2007 21:53

I would have loved a topic like this to help support me through the last few months, it has been hard trying to catch others who know what I am going thtough at the moment, and if there was a seperate topic I would nt have had to post in chat etc hoping that someone will reply, .

The support would have ment alot, as moving to a new country, hubby going away with in weeks to afghan, 2children and finding out pg with 3rd.. has taken its toll on.. I have got through it... because we have to ....

I did ask a question why in chat the other day as was getting really pissed off as wifes were saying hubby away for 3 nights etc what am I going to do and they get loads of replies... Us military wifes post to say DH going taway for ....upto 9months and get sod all really unless another military wife sees the thread..

littlelapin · 05/02/2007 22:23

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